Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always feel like it would be impossible to fall out of love with your spouse once you've had children together -- having children just feels like such a bonding experience -- i can't imagine ever wanting to leave my spouse now that we have two kids. But you never know. It's scary to think how things can change quickly.

really?

Kids cause divorces!

not saying I hate my children . . . But the stress they add, the worry, the consuming of time - All that leaves little time for couple togetherness.

No kidding...Life was simple when we had little kids. We stayed home, cooked dinner together, played with the baby who wasn't talking back or slamming her bedroom door. We weren't splitting up the endless afterschool activities, fighting over who practices piano with our son or eating drive thru dinners in our respective cars as we shuttle different kids to different sports practices. Somehow all of that leaves little time for the 'bonding experience.'

I'm the first PP quoted. Guess I haven't gotten there yet. My kids are still both under 3. There's definitely less 'couple time' now, but I thought it would get better once they got older.

It doesn't have to be this way. Keep in mind that you are the adult committing to all of these activities for your child. If you don't over-schedule your kids and you make an effort to schedule family time and couple time it can be done.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always feel like it would be impossible to fall out of love with your spouse once you've had children together -- having children just feels like such a bonding experience -- i can't imagine ever wanting to leave my spouse now that we have two kids. But you never know. It's scary to think how things can change quickly.

Get your head out of the clouds and stop looking through rose colored glasses. Children are one of the main reasons couples drift apart because, usually, the mother pays little, if any, attention to her DH (I am a wife, FWIW). Both partners take each other for granted. A marriage has to be worked on every single day of the year. I read some of the things women post on DCUM about their husbands and there is no doubt these marriages aren't going to last.

You sound like a peach to live with. Please great psychic tell us more about your predictions...

For the record...the research suggests it's not so much about complaints and disagreements, it's about HOW those disagreements are handled and the ratio of positive to negative interactions. If you have 5 times more positive interactions, but you get annoyed sometimes, it doesn't mean you are going to divorce. Haven't seen any research about those who vent on DCUM so our great psychic master is talking out of her a$$.

Anonymous wrote:Due to self centerness mostly godless couples

Mmm-hmm. So I should have god as the center of my marriage like Arthur Huntington? We know how that plays out!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Dh and I are affectionate in public but in the back of my mind I always wonder if we are going to make it. If we got divorced down the road, I know our friends would be surprised. I wouldn't. But it's all speculation on my part.

May I ask why you wouldn't be surprised if you got divorced? You don't have to say. Just curious-especially since you say your friends would be surprised.

I know that he had an affair behind his girlfriend's back before I met him. (I was not the affair.) And his dad had had an affair. So there's a pattern there. I guess I've always wondered if he would fall for someone else eventually. I know he loves me but there are aspects of our marriage he is not happy about. Could that lead to something? I know that I will always love him but I also don't think I would put up with an affair and I would be out of there in five minutes.

I hope things work out!

Anonymous wrote:Due to self centerness mostly godless couples

We do not have God in our marriage, but seem to be doing fine. It's not perfect (what is?), but we respect and care for one another. We also communicate really well.

Anonymous wrote:OP, I used to hear people say "divorce is contagious".

This is so true. Once that first couple in your social circle bites the bullet, they become an inspiration to all of the other unhappy couples to call it quits.

I am divorced, and I have to say that you never know what's going on behind closed doors. Also, infertility, new babies, adoption, etc. are also very stressful events. Sometimes they bring out the worst in people, and they decide that they just don't want to be married anymore.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always feel like it would be impossible to fall out of love with your spouse once you've had children together -- having children just feels like such a bonding experience -- i can't imagine ever wanting to leave my spouse now that we have two kids. But you never know. It's scary to think how things can change quickly.

really?

Kids cause divorces!

not saying I hate my children . . . But the stress they add, the worry, the consuming of time - All that leaves little time for couple togetherness.

No kidding...Life was simple when we had little kids. We stayed home, cooked dinner together, played with the baby who wasn't talking back or slamming her bedroom door. We weren't splitting up the endless afterschool activities, fighting over who practices piano with our son or eating drive thru dinners in our respective cars as we shuttle different kids to different sports practices. Somehow all of that leaves little time for the 'bonding experience.'

I'm the first PP quoted. Guess I haven't gotten there yet. My kids are still both under 3. There's definitely less 'couple time' now, but I thought it would get better once they got older.

Noooooooo. The only way I can imagine that is if you only had one child. But 2+ with sports, dance, academic, etc etc schedules means good bye to all after work, pre sleep hours separately.

I have had 3 friends find out their husband was cheating on them in an awful, awful way. Each was different but equally demoralizing, upsetting, disgusting and crappy. Only one is staying with her husband and I think it was his first and only time BUT he got caught really publically.

I was shocked at the man who did this each time - never thought he was the type. Same about one woman I know who cheated and left her husband and child(ren).

I always think now that it could be me, it could be her, him, frankly it could be anyone of us. I dont think we ever know other people as well as we think we do, not even our husbands, parenets, children. Everyone has secret, dark parts of themselves that they hide from others. I used to not believe this but I know now it is true.

What would stop me, I believe, is the fear of my children hating me or not being able to look at me with love and respect. I also would be afraid of not being able to look at myself in the mirror.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I always feel like it would be impossible to fall out of love with your spouse once you've had children together -- having children just feels like such a bonding experience -- i can't imagine ever wanting to leave my spouse now that we have two kids. But you never know. It's scary to think how things can change quickly.

Get your head out of the clouds and stop looking through rose colored glasses. Children are one of the main reasons couples drift apart because, usually, the mother pays little, if any, attention to her DH (I am a wife, FWIW). Both partners take each other for granted. A marriage has to be worked on every single day of the year. I read some of the things women post on DCUM about their husbands and there is no doubt these marriages aren't going to last.

My head is not in the clouds, and I am not wearing rose-colored glasses. You are too harsh. I was expressing how I currently feel. I realize that feelings change for lots of people, and might even change for me.

My neighbor constantly complaines about his wife to my DH and I. It is pretty funny because she is very into status and appearances. I would never repeat anything he says about her but I think it is only a matter of time before they divorce.

As for my marriage, the odds are not good since I am on marriage #2. I hope that we beat the odds!

Anonymous wrote:I always feel like it would be impossible to fall out of love with your spouse once you've had children together -- having children just feels like such a bonding experience -- i can't imagine ever wanting to leave my spouse now that we have two kids. But you never know. It's scary to think how things can change quickly.

Get your head out of the clouds and stop looking through rose colored glasses. Children are one of the main reasons couples drift apart because, usually, the mother pays little, if any, attention to her DH (I am a wife, FWIW). Both partners take each other for granted. A marriage has to be worked on every single day of the year. I read some of the things women post on DCUM about their husbands and there is no doubt these marriages aren't going to last.

OP, wander over to the non-explicit relationship forum. Spend a few minutes reading about how many people have no respect for their spouse, hate their spouse, cheat on their spouse...

OP, I used to hear people say "divorce is contagious".

Anonymous wrote:Dh and I are affectionate in public but in the back of my mind I always wonder if we are going to make it. If we got divorced down the road, I know our friends would be surprised. I wouldn't. But it's all speculation on my part.

So totally our marriage.