Anonymous wrote:So I don't know where all of the rest of you work, but I'm the PP who works in higher ed., and this kid got FIRED basically for complaining about his boss doing something that was completely inappropriate. That's why it should be reported to HR--first, so this guy doesn't pull this shit with other employees, and second, to give the kid some chance to get reinstated.

That's conjecture. OP said he got fire a few weeks later--who knows what transpired in the meantime? Funding cuts? Poor performance? Any number of other things could have been the problem, not the issue with the dishes.

I think all of this could have possibly been avoided if your cousin had explained his cultural reasoning for not wanting to comply. Perhaps I'm sheltered and uncultured, but I didn't know that (but I have also worked with people from India who never complained about such tasks, so I'm not sure if it's just because they've been here long enough or if some people just take it more seriously than others.)

So I don't know where all of the rest of you work, but I'm the PP who works in higher ed., and this kid got FIRED basically for complaining about his boss doing something that was completely inappropriate. That's why it should be reported to HR--first, so this guy doesn't pull this shit with other employees, and second, to give the kid some chance to get reinstated.

Um, maybe buy some paper plates?

ITA. That is why s/he is boss. If you start being too demanding/needy/refuse to play nice/fail to step up when needed, then it can easily become a problem. When my friend hired his sister, before he knew it, she refused to do most of the things she was hired for. She wanted to hire someone else to answer the phone, then someone else for this and that, it was never ending and pointless when she was perfectly able. Besides, she was on the internet all day - not for work. When the new company came in, guess who was the first to go? Yup. Her attitude and behavior was toxic and out of line.

We've all had to do things at work when we don't want to. There is no caste system here, in spite of the beliefs on DCUM. All I can say in your situation is "we're not in India, are we?"

Such drama. I've done my bosses dishes before. She has also done mine. Basically, everyone in my office pitches in and cleans up if someone is in a rush and leaves dirty dishes. No one claims to be demeaned by this. After all, it's only a mug and a plate, not the leftovers from a feast.

I'm not really sure what following up with HR does. Is the boss giving people equally opportunity scut work? If so, there's really no harm no foul here? Yeah, it's not nice, but it's not illegal. If he singled out this guy because he's Indian, okay...but it doesn't sound like it.

And if this guy is extra sensitive because he's Indian...I think maybe a better strategy is just to leave the dishes unwashed. Sending your boss a refusal via email is just plain dumb. Hasn't he heard of Gandhi-style passive resistance?

I probably would have done it, but I wouldn't have liked it. It's different if the boss is on his way out and your cousin is standing there "Oh, do you mind taking care of the dishes, thanks" than if he is specifically called to the kitchen and told to clean the dishes. You know, the first is like "I need a favor.."

Is your cousin on F1 Visa?

There are millions of students from India,China, etc. who would wash the boss's dirty dishes every day in exchange for a chance to study, work, and live in the US.

The boss is wrong but sometimes you have to pick your battle.

This is why I quit working in an office and started my own business. Honestly, the drama that surrounds dirty dishes in the sink!

Anonymous wrote:So it would have been OK to ask the secretary to wash the dishes?

Absolutely not. And anyone in higher ed who did that would find their paperwork backed up for months, IME.

This kind of thinking is the reason my office has moved from a normal pot of coffee machine to one of those single serving things. No one wanted to make the coffee or clean up afterwards. I feel bad about all those little plastic cups going into the landfill, but at least it keeps the peace. and heck - I don't want to clean up after the office either.

Washing dishes is not beneath anyone. If I had been told this cultural reason for not wanting to wash dishes (ie, your cousin is too good to do this although others are not), I would have washed the dishes myself and then fired your cousin.

I was born and raised in the US and I think the boss was out of line, though for more traditional American reasons than the Indian ones.

We have an American tradition of a pretty clear delineation between work-related and personal duties. Every workplace has menial tasks to be done, so it is appropriate even for educated, higher "ranking" people to do some of them (gophering, photocopying, etc.)

But we don't commonly do our bosses' personal tasks for them. It wouldn't be commonly accepted for your cousin to be asked to pick up his boss's groceries, babysit his children, or wash his laundry (outside of the aforementioned domestic employment and some personal assistant-type jobs.) We take care of those things ourselves, or hire them out to people who specifically do those jobs - not grad students or people who have other jobs in our offices.

The boss was out of line, and I think the cousin should follow up with Human Resources.

So it would have been OK to ask the secretary to wash the dishes?