OP here. Thank you to everyone who has responded with suggestions. I'll definitely check out some of those resources.
And no, I wasn't making any statements about emotionally disturbed kids. I think other parents with HFA kids understood what I was talking about.

Anonymous wrote:OP - my ASD daughter is barely 6 and I worry about this too . I have no advice, though.

Same here, with a 5 year old AS daughter. OP, have you read Aspergirls? I know it's a lot less scientific than most books on the topic but I found it so helpful for situational stuff like this. I find myself putting myself in the heads of the girls in the book on almost a daily basis to understand how my daughter reacts to things and how to approach different social situations with her.

OP, I think your concerns are valid as well. It's not always immediately obvious when a child has Asperger's (especially girls!). So I can see why you would be concerned with how she would process and react to attention from boys who might not understand her. I agree with the poster who suggested you look into Peter Gerhardt's lectures. He is really good and as I recall, he stresses that the earlier parents address sexuality with their kids with autism, the better.

Anonymous wrote:Whoa, lets step back for a bit here. OP wasn't concerned about her DD being victimized by emotionally disturbed kids and i can see how the parents of such kids could take this assumption as a slur. The idea that higher functioning kids are victimized by lower functioning kids is absurd, insulting and not at all what OP was getting at.

I wonder how many of the folks who are critical of OP have kids with ASDs. I ask because as a mother of a DS with Aspergers I can't help but be anxious over any kind of social situation. And I know I over worry, I know that I am vigilant over situations that are going just fine. But sometimes I under worry as well, and he is in situations that aren't so fine. It is really tough with these kids to find the right balance.

OP, just ride this one out for a while. There is so much fluidity in boy-girl situations at that age, even for NT kids, that this will probably not amount to anything. But it will give your DD some practice thinking about and talking about these situations.

Well said!! I too am a mom of a DS with HFA which some call Asperger's and I relate. A sweet and well liked little girl in his class seemed to have a thing for him and I had to help him navigate the whole...please stop kissing and hugging me thing while also helping keep the friendship which he valued. I think OPs fears are reasonable and I wish I had something more helpful to say.

Anonymous wrote:All special needs kids are more vulernable to becoming victims. It's up to us as parents to do the best we can to protect them. Peter Gerhardt does excellent lectures on teaching kids with ASD about human sexuality and safety.

http://sexualityinstruction-eorg.eventbrite.com/

+1

OP you are a good mom to look out for your child

All special needs kids are more vulernable to becoming victims. It's up to us as parents to do the best we can to protect them. Peter Gerhardt does excellent lectures on teaching kids with ASD about human sexuality and safety.

http://sexualityinstruction-eorg.eventbrite.com/

Anonymous wrote:Wow. I guess my completely nonverbal child has nothing on kids with HFA in their perfect victimhood.

WTF is wrong with you?

Parenting isn't a competition to see who can be the biggest martyr.

OP was describing a particular situation and how girls with HFA can be targeted by classmates and asked for help. This is a place where parents with kids with different problems can ask for help. It's not a competition. If you don't have anything to contribute, STFU.

Anonymous wrote:12-yr old AS DD told me that one of her classmates came over to her at recess today and told her very quickly that "so-and-so likes you", referring to an NT boy in their class. I don't know how high the boy is on the social totem pole (I worry about other girls' reactions) but it reminded me that middle school is right around the corner. DD is a sweet, outgoing kid but poor at reading social cues etc. She's also quite pretty and I also worry about boys using her for "target practice", so to speak.

Wondering if any parents who've been there have any advice.

It's a real concern.

With my son, we try to make sure that he receives explicit teaching for social situations that may baffle him. I think dating is going to be one of those situations.

There are resources that may help:

http://www.amazon.com/Guide-Dating-Teenagers-Asperger-Syndrome/dp/1934575534/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1334949960&sr=8-1

http://www.amazon.com/Making-Sense-Sex-Forthright-Relationships/dp/1843103745/ref=pd_sim_b_1

http://www.amazon.com/Autism-Aspergers-Sexuality-Puberty-Beyond/dp/1885477880/ref=pd_sim_b_10

http://www.amazon.com/The-Aspie-Teens-Survival-Guide/dp/1935274163/ref=pd_sim_b_2

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Look posters, the only reason to post on this board is to get advice ...It REALLY bothers me when OPs are attacked for being "dramatic or negative" It is obvious to me that OP loves her daughter and wants the best for her and is seeking advice from people who may have been in her shoes.

I so want this to be a positive board...a supportive board...but somehow much of it seems to be so negative.

We as mothers just want help..not to be attacked...UGH!

You are right, OP does not deserve to be attacked.

But sometimes the best help we can give is asking, is this really a problem? Is this really a situation we want to look at in the worst possible light for all involved?

I see many posts on this board creating near-hysteria about what are most likely not problem situations. A six month old baby is staring at a fan. A little boy flaps his hands once in a while. A child is a month or two behind other children in walking.

Should we all get hysterical with the mothers involved? Get into a doomsday scenario of lifelong problems, victimhood, and shame? Does that do anyone any favors?

You know full well thats not the point. if you want to be supportive when someone raising a concern that you think is invalid, you don't need to "get hysterical." Keep in mind OP has a child with a diagnosis of AS. She's not someone coming on and asking if staring at a fan means her child is autistic. She is one of us, she is the mother of a child with a disability. I have a child with the same disability and I want to be able to ask questions without someone accusing me of raising the victim flag. When my DS says he doesn't like the other kids at his Sunday school, am I overreacting if I wonder if they are ostracizing him? Maybe. But maybe no, maybe this is a red flag that there's something going on that should be addressed. I don't know. I would hope I could raise such issues without people (who probably don't have kids with AS) accusing me of doomsday scenarios, victimhood and shame. I feel no shame. But my DS is negotiating an atypical life and that means assumptions that work for other kids may not work for him.

I responded earlier that OP should ride this out so clearly I agree that sometimes all that is required is reassurance that it doesn't sound like a problem. We all need to hear that every once in a while, but without accusations and insults. Because when you are in a situation the solution may not be obvious.

Anonymous wrote:Look posters, the only reason to post on this board is to get advice ...It REALLY bothers me when OPs are attacked for being "dramatic or negative" It is obvious to me that OP loves her daughter and wants the best for her and is seeking advice from people who may have been in her shoes.

I so want this to be a positive board...a supportive board...but somehow much of it seems to be so negative.

We as mothers just want help..not to be attacked...UGH!

You are right, OP does not deserve to be attacked.

But sometimes the best help we can give is asking, is this really a problem? Is this really a situation we want to look at in the worst possible light for all involved?

I see many posts on this board creating near-hysteria about what are most likely not problem situations. A six month old baby is staring at a fan. A little boy flaps his hands once in a while. A child is a month or two behind other children in walking.

Should we all get hysterical with the mothers involved? Get into a doomsday scenario of lifelong problems, victimhood, and shame? Does that do anyone any favors?

Look posters, the only reason to post on this board is to get advice ...It REALLY bothers me when OPs are attacked for being "dramatic or negative" It is obvious to me that OP loves her daughter and wants the best for her and is seeking advice from people who may have been in her shoes.

I so want this to be a positive board...a supportive board...but somehow much of it seems to be so negative.

We as mothers just want help..not to be attacked...UGH!

Whoa, lets step back for a bit here. OP wasn't concerned about her DD being victimized by emotionally disturbed kids and i can see how the parents of such kids could take this assumption as a slur. The idea that higher functioning kids are victimized by lower functioning kids is absurd, insulting and not at all what OP was getting at.

I wonder how many of the folks who are critical of OP have kids with ASDs. I ask because as a mother of a DS with Aspergers I can't help but be anxious over any kind of social situation. And I know I over worry, I know that I am vigilant over situations that are going just fine. But sometimes I under worry as well, and he is in situations that aren't so fine. It is really tough with these kids to find the right balance.

OP, just ride this one out for a while. There is so much fluidity in boy-girl situations at that age, even for NT kids, that this will probably not amount to anything. But it will give your DD some practice thinking about and talking about these situations.