Anonymous
04/13/2012 14:27
Subject: Furious Wife, Privacy Breached
OP, is there something we're not getting? My husband and I don't "snoop" on each other on purpose because we're pretty much open book anyway. Not that we're actively sharing everything about ourselves, but, for example, we have an email client on our shared home computer that has all our email accounts linked to it without passwords. I have to admit that if my husband made it clear that I was not to snoop on him and didn't share any of his passwords and made sure I was never accessing his email, I'd be pretty suspicious. What else is going on OP?
Anonymous
04/13/2012 14:26
Subject: Furious Wife, Privacy Breached
It would in no way surprise me if my DH read the texts on my phone or read my email if it were open (I would be more irritated if he put my password in). I would be way more irritated (but again not entirely surprised) if he mocked or questioned what he read. If he was like, "Wow, your texts to Jenny were really dramatic."
My DH is the only man I am consistently attracted to - this was not the case when I was 28! When he wants to get jealous he has to bring up boyfriends from 20 years ago. I'd say change your passwords and this isn't that big of a deal.
My DH is the only man I am consistently attracted to - this was not the case when I was 28! When he wants to get jealous he has to bring up boyfriends from 20 years ago. I'd say change your passwords and this isn't that big of a deal.
Anonymous
04/13/2012 14:25
Subject: Furious Wife, Privacy Breached
Anonymous wrote:OP here. Such assumptions. Do you know what he found? Nothing but a boring list of conversations about nada. The point is - he looked, without permission. For that, I am mad.
I haven't deleted a single email or text. I am just annoyed about the invasion of my privacy.
Well, that's your point - and you're right. But that's not his point. Whatever you claim your "style" is, he obviously is concerned. While he may be wrong, your posts don't exactly dispel all reasons for his anxeity. Plus, in my experience, people only get really, really pissed about "privacy violations" when they DO have something to hide. The louder and longer you bitch at him, the most suspicious he'll get. I guess my overall point is that while you do have a right to be angry, that is most definitively NOT the only issue (or even the most important one) you as a couple have to deal with.
Anonymous
04/13/2012 14:20
Subject: Furious Wife, Privacy Breached
+1
It is a slippery slope. Once the OP starts an affair, gets caught, and then snagged in an ugly divorce, she will cite her hubby's lack of interest in her as one of the reasons to separate and dissolve the marriage!
It is a slippery slope. Once the OP starts an affair, gets caught, and then snagged in an ugly divorce, she will cite her hubby's lack of interest in her as one of the reasons to separate and dissolve the marriage!
Anonymous
04/13/2012 14:15
Subject: Furious Wife, Privacy Breached
Having private conversations with other men you are attracted to and not wanting your husband to have access to these conversations is pretty much straight out of the book affair behavior. You may not be having an affair but you are acting like you are.
Anonymous
04/13/2012 14:13
Subject: Furious Wife, Privacy Breached
How long have you two been married?
Kids?
Did you get him anything for his birthday?
Kids?
Did you get him anything for his birthday?
Anonymous
04/13/2012 14:12
Subject: Furious Wife, Privacy Breached
OP, if you trust him, and he trusts you, why the agreement to NOT snoop? It sounds like the agreement was made based on there being something worth hiding?
You told him you had an "honest attraction" to another male, whatever the fuck that is. You also have had in place an agreement to NOT snoop. Then he snooped. Do you really think this makes him the bad guy???
You told him you had an "honest attraction" to another male, whatever the fuck that is. You also have had in place an agreement to NOT snoop. Then he snooped. Do you really think this makes him the bad guy???
Anonymous
04/13/2012 14:11
Subject: Furious Wife, Privacy Breached
OP again. I think it would also help to share the "why" in his previous snoops. 1 - to try to find out what birthday presents he was getting and 2 - just for fun.
He can also sometimes get a little controlling, so this kind of behavior makes me worry/feel suffocated.
He can also sometimes get a little controlling, so this kind of behavior makes me worry/feel suffocated.
Anonymous
04/13/2012 14:04
Subject: Furious Wife, Privacy Breached
OP again. My initial posts weren’t clear. There were no emails or texts from this man on my phone. I am not flirting or carrying on with him behind the scenes. We barely know each other. DH read through all my other boring emails and texts. I would have shown DH my emails and texts had he come to me about his trust issues.
Incidentally, we know a lot of couples going through divorces due to infidelity right now, so I understand why he’s more sensitive to the topic.
However, I am still upset that he violated my expectation of privacy, especially given that he previously promised me he would never do this again. We agreed not to snoop on each other.
Incidentally, we know a lot of couples going through divorces due to infidelity right now, so I understand why he’s more sensitive to the topic.
However, I am still upset that he violated my expectation of privacy, especially given that he previously promised me he would never do this again. We agreed not to snoop on each other.
Anonymous
04/13/2012 12:46
Subject: Furious Wife, Privacy Breached
OP,
DH finds boring emails to and from the man to whom you are attracted?
Not clear.
Either way, if an attraction is that deep that you confess it to your spouse, yes, some snooping might come into play. And the more outraged you are over his snooping, the more he'll think you are hiding something.
DH finds boring emails to and from the man to whom you are attracted?
Not clear.
Either way, if an attraction is that deep that you confess it to your spouse, yes, some snooping might come into play. And the more outraged you are over his snooping, the more he'll think you are hiding something.
Anonymous
04/13/2012 12:43
Subject: Re:Furious Wife, Privacy Breached
Anonymous wrote:OP:
- You tell your husband that you are attracted to other people even though it obviously bothers him.
- You carry on conversations with other men that you don't want him to see.
- You don't even see that either of these things are a problem.
- You are defensive when anyone says anything you don't want to hear.
- You see no perspective other than your own.
- You fancy yourself much smarter than you are and write terribly.
Look at it from your husband's perspective and try to be a bit kinder to him. In the meantime, stop adding ridiculous things to your writing to make yourself look smarter, as it just makes you look like an idiot. (Ex. we are not a Venn diagram of an intersection; my honest attraction; my assertion is that).
I'm the OP. Wow... Definite reality check. Time to reflect. Thanks.
Anonymous
04/13/2012 11:59
Subject: Re:Furious Wife, Privacy Breached
OP, here's the thing. My husband and I are very intellectual and mature and all those other great things, and I admire other men and have male friends but I really think there is a limit. I wouldn't carry on a flirtation and expect him to sit by and I wouldn't want him to do that either. What is it that you want out of your marriage and out of your "friendship"? There is something troubling about this whole post and about your conflicting expectations of privacy and intimacy. Yes, you are entitled to privacy. But along with privacy comes responsibility. Are you capable of that?
Anonymous
04/13/2012 10:11
Subject: Furious Wife, Privacy Breached
+1
Anonymous
04/13/2012 10:06
Subject: Re:Furious Wife, Privacy Breached
OP:
- You tell your husband that you are attracted to other people even though it obviously bothers him.
- You carry on conversations with other men that you don't want him to see.
- You don't even see that either of these things are a problem.
- You are defensive when anyone says anything you don't want to hear.
- You see no perspective other than your own.
- You fancy yourself much smarter than you are and write terribly.
Look at it from your husband's perspective and try to be a bit kinder to him. In the meantime, stop adding ridiculous things to your writing to make yourself look smarter, as it just makes you look like an idiot. (Ex. we are not a Venn diagram of an intersection; my honest attraction; my assertion is that).
- You tell your husband that you are attracted to other people even though it obviously bothers him.
- You carry on conversations with other men that you don't want him to see.
- You don't even see that either of these things are a problem.
- You are defensive when anyone says anything you don't want to hear.
- You see no perspective other than your own.
- You fancy yourself much smarter than you are and write terribly.
Look at it from your husband's perspective and try to be a bit kinder to him. In the meantime, stop adding ridiculous things to your writing to make yourself look smarter, as it just makes you look like an idiot. (Ex. we are not a Venn diagram of an intersection; my honest attraction; my assertion is that).
Anonymous
04/13/2012 10:05
Subject: Furious Wife, Privacy Breached
+1