A. A hostess gift is simply polite. Maybe you think good manners went out with girdles, but I still think it's nice to bring something small/consumable (wine, flowers, chocolates) to someone who goes to the effort and expense of hosting a party.

B. The hostess is NOT required to serve gifted wine -- in fact, some say you definitely should NOT serve it.

Anonymous wrote:Op here. I had no idea this would open such a can of worms! I think we'll take wine. I just don't feel comfortable showing up at their home empty handed. Since we don't know the expectations, I would rather err on the side of being the only one to bring something than the only one to show up empty handed...

::headdesk::

What's with all this hand-wringing over being "empty-handed"? Do you think your grandmas are going to swoop in and hit you on the knuckles with a ruler?

Good god, people. NO. GIFTS. Not "No Birthday Gifts". No birthday gifts. No hostess gifts. No gifts to keep your hands from being empty. No gifts!!!!!

Why not think about how uncomfortable your host will be when you show up with a gift-- whether it be a birthday gift, hostess gift, or whatever-kind-of-gift-- and other guests start squirming because they didn't bring a gift? And then they feel like they have to open your wine and serve it, even though they bought ample alcohol already?

OMG. Why do I bother with this.

::headdesk::

Op here. I had no idea this would open such a can of worms! I think we'll take wine. I just don't feel comfortable showing up at their home empty handed. Since we don't know the expectations, I would rather err on the side of being the only one to bring something than the only one to show up empty handed...

Every time this comes up, I wonder why you don't just adhere to the invitation which specifically says NO GIFTS. It's really very simple. Take a card.

I don't like showing up empty-handed at someone's house so agree with PP that if the party is at a home, bring the wine. If it's at a restaurant or someplace else and the invite says no gifts, I wouldn't bring a gift.

I can understand what OP is saying. I don't feel comfortable going over someone's home empty-handed, especially if the host is going through the trouble of providing a meal and if it's someone's birthday. I'd bring a bottle of wine too. It's not exactly a birthday gift, but you're not showing up empty handed either.