Can't you choose more than 1 possible guardian? Your top choice might not be able to do it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does your husband think of the two choices?

In his words, being Jewish is a big part of her everyday life (friends, community, synagogue, holidays etc.) so aside from being black, she has nothing in common with his family.

Does DD only have Jewish friends and community around her? If so, I would choose the member of your family.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, which family would be best able to provide her with the ability to interact with other people both Black and Jewish? I think a strong sense of self-identity can help a biracial child better navigate the world.

Neither. Unfortunately, based on where each if them live it will be an either/or situation

In that case, I would choose the person/family who would be most open to exploring both sides to their best ability.

Anonymous wrote:OP, which family would be best able to provide her with the ability to interact with other people both Black and Jewish? I think a strong sense of self-identity can help a biracial child better navigate the world.

Neither. Unfortunately, based on where each if them live it will be an either/or situation

Anonymous wrote:What does your husband think of the two choices?

In his words, being Jewish is a big part of her everyday life (friends, community, synagogue, holidays etc.) so aside from being black, she has nothing in common with his family.

OP, which family would be best able to provide her with the ability to interact with other people both Black and Jewish? I think a strong sense of self-identity can help a biracial child better navigate the world.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd go with the in-country guardians.

'Cause they be American. YE-HAW!

No, because the child shares their nationality and dominant culture.

OP again, we would consider friends but family would be considered first. Despite the differences, I know that both families love her to pieces

Do you have close friends who you would be comfortable asking to be guardians? That's what we did - because we knew that both sets of grandparents were too screwy (and would fight over dd) and that none of the siblings were in a good place to raise our kid either.

The religious/cultural factors are important but the most important to me were whom we trusted more to provide the kind of life we hope our children will have. Obviously much of this is cultural but not all of it. We had language/ethnic considerations come into play when we chose our guardians and the relatives we chose ended up being my cousin. She was raised in mixed Jewish family, has chosen not to practice Judaism (we do), but is the best choice overall. I'd let that guide you. I know that my cousin shares our beliefs about education, etc., and we are like-minded in the ways that count.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Is it hard for a Black family to participate at a Jewish place of worship? If so, it may be hard for her dad's family to find her an accepting place of worship.

With your Jewish family member, how diverse is the country racially? Will she face discrimination as a biracial child there?

Part of the problem is that DH's family is southern baptist (he obviously is not) and they know very little about Judaism and there are no synagogues within an hour drive.

The county has some diversity but nothing like the states. In terms of being discriminated against, I don't know. I would probably be more worried about the discrimination she could face living in the south. It would be more about her feeling different than actually being treated differently

bottom line - No one is scrutinizing her FIRST b/c of her religion. They will judge her based on skin color.

What does your husband think of the two choices?

OP here, the country is English speaking and I grew up there.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd go with the in-country guardians.

'Cause they be American. YE-HAW!

Can you name a guardian AND write an "ethical will" saying what you you like you child/ren to know about their heritiage and how you would prefer they live their lives? That way the kids would have a statement from you that they could learn from as they live in whatever circumstances.