Anonymous wrote:OP, what struck me about your post is how non-specific it was, and nowhere did you discuss any attempts at trying to make the marriage work or address the problems. Its as if you view marriage as something that just happens, and either its good because you love your husband and he loves you, or its not good and if its not good and you're not happy then he must be the wrong guy. But in fact, marriage is a lot of work, love is something you have to consciously create and nurture. And relationships grow and change. People are gently telling you to grow up because it doesn't sound like you've done the hard emotional work of figuring out what it is that you're not happy about and addressing it--nowhere do you discuss any effortts you have put into trying to change the dynamic. Does your husband even know how you feel? Do you two talk about stuff? . You imagine that there is some better soulmate out there who will make you happy--but that's not the answer. Maybe you'd be happier in a different relationship, who knows, but your job right now is to figure out why you're not currently happy and then do something about it. You're not dating, you're married with children so get into therapy, figure out the roots of your vague discontent, communicate with your husband and try your damnedest to make it work.

Anonymous wrote:OP - you and I have lot in common. My spouse also earns a good living, "looks good on paper", works hard, owns his own business, etc. My biggest problem is that I am just not attracted to him - plain and simple. I don't think of other men, but I find sex tedious, I find my husband boring and unattractive. But we also have children and a so-called "life" we have built together. I feel sorry for him because he is not a bad person. He still finds me attractive and wants to be "the perfect couple". I have just lost all sex drive and desire for intimacy. Am I bad person for this? It's a physical more than emotional thing - although it is emotional, too.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

OP here. DH wants sex. I am the one who doesn't want it. When I was pregnant, I didn't want it either. I was too busy puking. I had terrible morning sickness all day and night.

I'm 33 and fairly attractive. I am back down to 120 pounds and a size 4. I can't help but think DH is not my soul mate and someone out there can make me happier. If it weren't for the kids, I would have left long ago. I don't doubt we can make it work in the short term but I am certain we won't last forever. If I know we will most likely separate, I would prefer to do it when I am still relatively young.

My unhappiness has little to do with sex. I am emotionally unhappy. Secondly, I feel like my sex drive is nonexistent. I am assuming my lack of physical attraction has to do with my mental dislike for my husband.

I have news for you. You're 33 and fairly attractive? Well, your competition will be the 25 - 28 year old women who don't have toddlers, don't have an ex-husband, and don't need babysitters. Your husband won't have a problem bringing on a younger and more enthusiastic partner because You Get The Kids! See how attractive he looks when he has some young adoring thing on his arm and he is dropping off the kids.

Get real.

I'm a new poster on this nasty thread. I know three moms, all now about 40-45 years old, all with young kids, who have been divorced in the past four years or so. Two of them are already remarried to wonderful men - one married a high school boyfriend (her age) and the other married a friend-of-a-friend who is also her age. The third is too busy working to date - she's just not interested.

I don't know what's best for OP. But telling her that she's washed up at 33 is ridiculous and untrue. It sounds like sour grapes to me. You seem to want to attack OP and to convince her that she and other young (33) women are worthless compared to men of the same age. Not only is this message inaccurate, but it's really misogynistic and nasty.

I totally agree. I am so sick of the attitude on these forums that all men get whatever woman they want, and all our husbands are just beeing so kind to put up with us after we have kids and our bodies age past 30. Yes, there is a pool of men out there who can get hot 20 somethings to date them. That pool of men will not be interested in a woman with kids. However, there are plenty of divorced dads out there who are in a different pool and they are no less attractive or appealing, but they have some extra baggage thos 20 somethings may not want.

It's a moot point anyway. I agree with others - marriage is work and it's time to start working at yours. There is no soulmate out there - chances are good that you'd have issues with anyone - relationships change and you have to adapt. Trust me, I'm in marriage counseling now doing the work.