13:29 Not in every jurisdiction. Plus OP said she wanted to keep things amicable.

13:11 Right of first refusal is worthless if OP doesn't have the resources to buy him out. But I agree the flat out either/or language doesn't make sense.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:what caused the seperation

Meddling trolls.

no its a valid question that can help determine the separation agreement

Anonymous wrote:Oops - 14:52 here - I missed that you're meeting with your lawyer next week.

Ask for the right of first refusal in purchasing the home in five years. As the primary custody holder and the one who's staying there all those years, you should have this.

This.

A parent shouldn't pay child support in principle if their income doesn't cover basic living expenses.

Putting those rules in a legal document are fine but parties often violate them and you have little recourse. If Dad's GF sleeps over now and then, what does a mother do? Go to court? It would take months to get a hearing date and cost a pretty penny.

The legal negotiations and resulting agreements hinge on good will.

Anonymous wrote:9:12 Child support formulas are pretty strict and in the scenario you describe, if your husband's ex and your husband had plugged in the numbers, was she obligated to pay? Or was she earning too little?

Separation / divorce agreements rarely preclude one parent from ever paying child support.

Good point PP, I don't know, this was nearly 20yrs ago and I wasn't in the picture, it's just based on my reading the actual document. She definitely didn't make much money, I do know that, but there's been some talk on DCUM threads over the years that a parent should be contributing something as child support even if it's a totally nominal amount just on principle. Not trying to start an argument saying that, it was just an issue I wanted to put in OP's mind to think about.

Since I'm posting again, another point for OP to consider relates to future relationships. If one or both of you begin dating, do you want rules for dealing with the new GF/BF? That is, no overnights when the kids are around?

p.s. The hardest part of this is when one party violates the agreement. It is hard to get recourse without spending a small fortune on legal fees.

9:12 Child support formulas are pretty strict and in the scenario you describe, if your husband's ex and your husband had plugged in the numbers, was she obligated to pay? Or was she earning too little?

Separation / divorce agreements rarely preclude one parent from ever paying child support.

I agree to think through all scenarios and in each case think about what you'd want if tables were turned and you were looking at the short end of the stick. At some point I saw the separation agreement that DH signed with his ex many many years before we met and he got shellacked. He was out of the country in the military and his lawyer clearly sucked. I don't think OP mentioned that she was a SAHM, in fact, I think she is working. As you mentioned, what happens if his income flags and your's goes up. Can he turn the tables and ask you for child support if custody arrangements are close to 50-50? (As an example, when DH divorced, she had primary custody and he paid child support. Based on circumstances, he eventually took custody and she only had visitation. She paid no child support to DH, but expected him to send child support when my stepchild was visiting her for holidays or summer vacation.)

A PP mentioned money for private school, college, activities and summer camps. Do you want language in there about who gets to make those decisions as well as who pays for them? I.e. I want private school for our DD, my DH doesn't. If we got divorced and I had custody, would he be forced to pay tuition if I sent her to private school against her wishes? These are things to think about. I don't know how close you live to each other or what your work schedules are, but you need to think about this even in the context of everyday things. If he decides to sign your DC up for travel soccer, do you have to make the drives all over the region or will he do it regardless of whose weekend it is?

I'd also think about emergency contact information, both in the separation agreement and then maybe directly with daycare or school. I presume you'd both be the first emergency contacts. Who is the backup - would he be comfortable if it was your mom or vice versa? More dire, but determinations about legal guardian in the unlikely event that something happens to both of you. Earlier agreement on who would raise your kids might be different now that you are separated.

Sorry you are going through this.

23:15 No one said lifelong alimony.

I do not wish divorce on you, but if you got divorced in a few years, you may find that child support + your after-tax income did not cover household expenses. Then what? Or what if it took you two years to find a job? Then what? It gets complicated! Your approach is harsh ... to SAHM's everywhere!

Anonymous wrote:16:19 This is unfair without more info. What if OP took off five years to raise the children, which meant her career didn't advance as much but her husband's did?

Ok, so what as it was her choice. She wanted to stay home or she could have continued to work and get a nanny or day care. I am a SAHM and it was 100% my choice to give up my job to stay home and my husband would trade me places in a heart beat. It is a lifestyle choice and when you make that choice, there are consequences. I know if I go back I will not make nearly what I was making but I have far benefitted from being home with my child. I don't expect, if I got divorced, for life long alimony and if I return to work before and then divorced, it is not his responsibility to support me, its mine if we are divorced. Him supporting me is a perk of marriage. Alimony is to give someone a chance to get back on their feet if they are not working and OP said clearly she was working but earning less. What if she didn't take off and just picked a profession that didn't earn as much. That was a choice she made and if she wanted more money, she should have picked a different profession (and the same goes for me and many others0.

16:19 This is unfair without more info. What if OP took off five years to raise the children, which meant her career didn't advance as much but her husband's did?

If you are working, why should you get alimony. Child support is more reasonable but to have him pay 50% of the house (on top of him having to pay for his own housing), alimony, child support, expenses when he has the kids in less you plan to provide everything out of that child support/your income is a bit much. Hope he finds a nice cardboard box and sleeping bag to live in.