Former college admissions officer here: have you had your child take an interest inventory and/or a learning styles assessment? Who helped your family and your son decide which college he should apply to? If the answer is "no one," then he needs a gap year or a gap semester, and he needs to take the interest inventory *now* and you either need to meet with his school's guidance counselor or see if one of the local community colleges or even the four-year admissions teams might take a meeting with him. (Stop rolling your eyes: they are far more likely to do this than you might think, in some cases, not because they want to "sell" their product but because they are genuinely interested in helping students find their niche: many of them will even administer the inventory so that your son can get a sense of what's up for him in the future.)

Gap years (a year or a semester between college and high school) are the "norm" in many places and many countries and exist for a reason -- especially for young men who are still basically emotionally and cognitively developing. There is nothing wrong with them, and they often involve employment or internships or military service (which is usually longer than a year) that helps a student focus. They also present a very different candidate to college admissions officers when they apply for the following year.

Good luck, OP. I can tell you're frustrated, and I'm sorry for that. It reads a bit as if you're making this about financial investment (which I understand) but perhaps it will help if you also re-frame it for yourself and your son as a time and emotional investment: I realize all of this costs a lot in all kinds of ways, but you're already spending a lot (time, energy, emotion) with no ROI. I hope my suggestions can help you just a bit--

Anonymous wrote:The OP makes me hurl. Sounds like she had very little or no patience, so she gave up early and let her kid become someone she now dislikes. Most likely, the feeling is mutual.

I agree. She is the definition of terrible parenting. Her child was obviously not thriving, and she didn't do a damn thing to change his situation and now she is giving up on him ever becoming successful.

The OP makes me hurl. Sounds like she had very little or no patience, so she gave up early and let her kid become someone she now dislikes. Most likely, the feeling is mutual.

At least one college is willing to take a chance on him succeeding. His mom should too.

Tell him he is on the hook for the first year, you all will pay the 2nd year and so forth.

I am amazed that so many people here are willing to send him to college and/or at least let him try a semester when he has no plan and, based on the original post, it sounds like it will be at least somewhat of a hardship on her family to do so. Education for education sake is a luxury for the wealthy, not for most of us.

I already weighed in and said I wouldn't send mine under these circumstances. I would try to work with mine to develop a plan and would gladly assist with vocational school if I could. But no way will I pay for any of my kids to go to college unless they have a plan to come out ready for a career.

I say send him to college. Give him a chance!!!!

Is he interested in the military at all? He sounds like he could be a good candidate and it might really help him. Then he could use the GI Bill to pay for college if he wants to go later.

And someday you will wonder why he does not visit you in the nursing home.

Send him to college for god sakes.

Don't pay if you don't wany to.

Yeah, just write him off, that will work.

Thank god I didn't have such selfish, closed-minded parents. Give your kid a chance!

OP, you sound like you don't care much for your son. I think at this point in the game, we all know that attitudes rub off on each other and in order to foster good attitudes you need to be the happy one in the house.

I would do the one semester thing. Or say community college for the first year and then the offer to go anywhere. Also, transferring from a community college with good grades might open up more options for him.

I am the pp you highlighted and I completely agree with you. The situation described by OP is my brother in law to a T. Not sure the answer OP you do t want to see your kid hit rock bottom but you don't want to enable like my MIL. Hard balance to find

Anonymous wrote:This just highlights for me how parents take different approaches. Yes I understand it depends on the personality of the child yada yada yada but in the end I would take away the video games with Cs on the report card and get to the bottom of the problem. I also agree with you there is no reason for you to pay if he isn't going to perform. With less day to day push from you at home the chance is that he will not thrive in the college setting.

I think by high school it is too late to take away the video games. The die is cast. He didn't just all of a sudden get hooked. I have a elementary school age child and I'm seeing it already, and I believe you need to make strict rules about video game usage early on or it will be too late.

I think a lot of boys are underperforming nowadays...much has been written about girls getting better scores, grades, having more ECs, etc. So, maybe he's just lazy and bored. I like the idea to have him go to CC and say if he gets Bs and above...you'll pay. If not, he's on his own.

This just highlights for me how parents take different approaches. Yes I understand it depends on the personality of the child yada yada yada but in the end I would take away the video games with Cs on the report card and get to the bottom of the problem. I also agree with you there is no reason for you to pay if he isn't going to perform. With less day to day push from you at home the chance is that he will not thrive in the college setting.