You'll get a redo in 4 more days. Toddlers have short memories.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Another thing you could do, OP, is apologize to your daughter for losing it. My son's school counselor told me to let him see me screw up and then correct the screw up, because he hates messing up and won't try things he thinks he'll be bad at (he is 5, so it isn't totally applicable to your situation, but I think the general idea holds). I wouldn't personally apologize for saying no to the jelly beans, but I'd apologize for whatever of your own behavior amped up the situation. She has probably totally forgotten the episode, but it would set the expectation that we all learn from our behavior, even big powerful grown ups who rule the world.

Thank you. This is OP, and I totally agree. I did apologize to her yesterday. I said, "Mommy really messed up and I'm so sorry." Her response: "Sorry Mommy." I kept trying to tell her she didn't have to apologize, that I was the one who messed up, and she kept apologizing and it just made me feel worse!! But I am definitely on board with letting her know that I was wrong. Thanks for your support.

Aww, OP, my 2 year old does the same thing. But usually if I laugh and give her a squeeze and say "It was my fault! Not your fault!" she'll repeat, "mommy's fault." And I usually tell her the emotions behind my screw-up, like "I was just SO frustrated" (or tired, or hungry, or grumpy, or whatever), because she can SO understand. In fact, who understands our tantrums and ugly moments better than our toddlers?

I feel your pain. I had a major temper tantrum this weekend - complete with yelling, storming off, and slamming doors. In the middle of it, I realized what I was doing but couldn't stop myself. I was yelling at my poor 6 yo for something he did but later realized it was my DH who created the situation. I apologized to everyone later but I still feel bad about it. Many of the times when I feel I had a failure as a parent, I later realize it was something else (not my child's behavior) that led me to not react better (i.e. like feeing resentful).

I like to think that when moms have an "off" day the family realizes maybe she needs a break but I don't think my DH picked up on that and the boys are too little to make that connection.

Anonymous wrote:Another thing you could do, OP, is apologize to your daughter for losing it. My son's school counselor told me to let him see me screw up and then correct the screw up, because he hates messing up and won't try things he thinks he'll be bad at (he is 5, so it isn't totally applicable to your situation, but I think the general idea holds). I wouldn't personally apologize for saying no to the jelly beans, but I'd apologize for whatever of your own behavior amped up the situation. She has probably totally forgotten the episode, but it would set the expectation that we all learn from our behavior, even big powerful grown ups who rule the world.

Thank you. This is OP, and I totally agree. I did apologize to her yesterday. I said, "Mommy really messed up and I'm so sorry." Her response: "Sorry Mommy." I kept trying to tell her she didn't have to apologize, that I was the one who messed up, and she kept apologizing and it just made me feel worse!! But I am definitely on board with letting her know that I was wrong. Thanks for your support.

Another thing you could do, OP, is apologize to your daughter for losing it. My son's school counselor told me to let him see me screw up and then correct the screw up, because he hates messing up and won't try things he thinks he'll be bad at (he is 5, so it isn't totally applicable to your situation, but I think the general idea holds). I wouldn't personally apologize for saying no to the jelly beans, but I'd apologize for whatever of your own behavior amped up the situation. She has probably totally forgotten the episode, but it would set the expectation that we all learn from our behavior, even big powerful grown ups who rule the world.

TOTALLY have been there. And so glad others have too. Wasn't there a "yelling" thread last week where so many people claimed they didn't yell at their kids? It's common, it's normal, and it'll be okay. Do your best to curb your anger in the future, but show her all the love that you can and she'll be fine.

Your 2.5 yr old is totally not obsessing about how crappy her parents were this weekend. Kids that age live in the moment, which is why the moments can be so hard. (E.g. it might have been the most moment of her life when you said "no" to the jellybeans...at least, at the moment.)

It helps to know all 2 yr olds act like this, and probably all parents of 2 yr olds act like you did.

Maybe giving jellybeans + a hug will wipe your guilt away, but so can seeing your child have a ridiculous tantrum the minute you get home and just want to change/wash up/put dinner on the table...it's easier to cut yourself a break when you're face to face w/ the little monster than when you've finally had a free hour and are missing the little angel.

Aw gosh we all have this. It's hard to be a parent.

A few thoughts. A small "control" struggle at this age can really spiral into obnoxiousness (on the part of the child) and then frustration/anger (on the part of the parent.) When these trouble spots come up (and I have a 2.5 yo, so like you they come up all the freaking time), I try to remind myself there are only a few things that, in my estimation, are worthy of the misery of the spiral: things related to safety (car seats; sitting at dining room table; holding hands in parking lot or crossing streets) and things related to cleanliness (changing diaper promptly, washing hands after using potty; brushing teeth.) I remind myself that besides these very critical things, I don't want to entertain power struggles and that I do enough "fighting" with my child over these very critical areas, so to let go in other areas. Something that sometimes helps me is to ask myself "Does it really matter if he "wins" this [staying longer at playground, refusing to change his shirt, buying some box of something ridiculous at the store]?" Often--if not about safety or cleanliness--the answer is that it doesn't matter in the big picture.

We've all had weekends that got off track and never righted themselves. It's a bad feeling as a parent. You might tell your DD "I've been thinking about yesterday, when you asked for a jelly bean and I said "no." I've realized that I was wrong. I want you to eat your lunch and be healthy, but I should have given you 2 jelly beans. I'm sorry that I made a mistake." I don't think it's wrong for children to hear that parents aren't perfect. And besides, my DS likes to correct me, so I think he finds it empowering. LOL.

PEP classes are great. Sometimes having a bunch of new skills to pick from can really help. I really liked hearing from other parents too, it was a great way to learn. If you are in VA I think Parenting Playgroups has a similar approach. It's great you want to change things and that DH does too.

OP here. Thank you, thank you, thank you. There are times that this site is so awesome and you are all so awesome to help me not feel like such a jerk. I am going to go home, squeeze her tight, let her have some jelly beans which she asked for yesterday, and have a GREAT night. And learn from this. Seriously, thanks.

We had this weekend with our 2 3/4 yo too, OP. You are not alone! On our end, in desparation after the 5th meltdown of the day (and b/c she was clearly overtired) we put our DD to bed a full hour early last night. Lo and behold she slept an hour later than usual, and woke up at 7:15, totally refreshed, after 11.75 hours of sleep (!), smiling, happy, content, sweet, curious, bouncing around the house and occupying herself. After a mega epic weekend from hell. Next time it seems partic. bad, maybe try getting her some extra sleep. You may be very good about ensuring she is well rested enough; we are not always, and are learning that being overtired makes an already challenging 2.5 yo triply challenging. GL.

Same here. Lost it after the first epic tantrum yesterday. By the third, I had regained my perspective (and sense of humor) and taught her the song "You can't always get what you want." At first, she acted like it was horrible "Why can't I always get what I want? Waaaaahhh!" By half an hour later, she was dancing around the house singing it.
I have to keep reminding myself that they're supposed to be crazy at this age.