Anonymous
03/12/2012 21:10
Subject: DD excluded from birthday party -- how to comfort her?
PP it's the parent you are. And not a little kid ie your dream is mean. Op at our school..you either invite all the girls or all the boys or everyone but you cannot exclude a girl or boy etc.. I would check your school policy and if your policy is the same as ours..have them handle it. The good news is you have clarity of who to stay away from.
Anonymous
03/12/2012 20:17
Subject: Re:DD excluded from birthday party -- how to comfort her?
I know somewhat how you feel. In my child's grade, one birthday child invited all of one gender and excluded my child and one other. There are less than 15 of them. So 13 were invited to the party and 2 were left out. Thankfully, my child does not like the birthday child AT ALL and doesn't seem to have any hurt feelings over not being invited. I am, as you might imagine, livid. I have dreams of having the best party in the history of the school and inviting every kid boy and girl in the entire grade except this one. And I mean the best party ever.
Anonymous
03/12/2012 13:09
Subject: DD excluded from birthday party -- how to comfort her?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:We were at the ice skating rink yesterday, and my seven year old DD noticed that every single one of her classmates were at a birthday party in the "party room." Some of the kids waved to her. The parent of the birthday girl said sternly, "She is not invited."
We have never had a problem with this family (we barely even know them) and I don't know why they would exclude her like that when they clearly had no problem inviting every other child in the class. She was humiliated and saddened.
When we went home, she told DH, "Everyone in my class was at a birthday party at the rink, but not me. I couldn't go because I wasn't invited."
I have NO idea how to comfort her. I told her, "Kids can be exclusive... You just have to make other friends," but I didn't feel that was particularly convincing. What should I do/say???
I'm a bit confused how you know the other parent said "she's not invited" and said it "sternly" because you said they were inside the party room. Do you read lips?
I'm not the OP either, but since this was a skating party, I would assume that the partygoers did not stay in the party room the entire time.
I'm not the OP, but this is what I hate about DCUM -- this sort of "let me play prosecutor" and rip apart your post and turn your own words against you. I mean really, what the fuck?
Anonymous
03/12/2012 12:55
Subject: DD excluded from birthday party -- how to comfort her?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:We were at the ice skating rink yesterday, and my seven year old DD noticed that every single one of her classmates were at a birthday party in the "party room." Some of the kids waved to her. The parent of the birthday girl said sternly, "She is not invited."
We have never had a problem with this family (we barely even know them) and I don't know why they would exclude her like that when they clearly had no problem inviting every other child in the class. She was humiliated and saddened.
When we went home, she told DH, "Everyone in my class was at a birthday party at the rink, but not me. I couldn't go because I wasn't invited."
I have NO idea how to comfort her. I told her, "Kids can be exclusive... You just have to make other friends," but I didn't feel that was particularly convincing. What should I do/say???
I'm a bit confused how you know the other parent said "she's not invited" and said it "sternly" because you said they were inside the party room. Do you read lips?
I'm not the OP, but this is what I hate about DCUM -- this sort of "let me play prosecutor" and rip apart your post and turn your own words against you. I mean really, what the fuck?
ITA! It doesn't help anything. No one can ever have the benefit of the doubt. Maybe it makes those posters feel better about themselves somehow.
Anonymous
03/12/2012 12:27
Subject: Re:DD excluded from birthday party -- how to comfort her?
We went through this when neighbors that my kids play with at all other times do not invite them to their loud fun sounding parties right next door. It broke my heart. People can be heartless.
Anonymous
03/12/2012 12:23
Subject: DD excluded from birthday party -- how to comfort her?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:We were at the ice skating rink yesterday, and my seven year old DD noticed that every single one of her classmates were at a birthday party in the "party room." Some of the kids waved to her. The parent of the birthday girl said sternly, "She is not invited."
We have never had a problem with this family (we barely even know them) and I don't know why they would exclude her like that when they clearly had no problem inviting every other child in the class. She was humiliated and saddened.
When we went home, she told DH, "Everyone in my class was at a birthday party at the rink, but not me. I couldn't go because I wasn't invited."
I have NO idea how to comfort her. I told her, "Kids can be exclusive... You just have to make other friends," but I didn't feel that was particularly convincing. What should I do/say???
I'm a bit confused how you know the other parent said "she's not invited" and said it "sternly" because you said they were inside the party room. Do you read lips?
I'm not the OP, but this is what I hate about DCUM -- this sort of "let me play prosecutor" and rip apart your post and turn your own words against you. I mean really, what the fuck?
Anonymous
03/12/2012 12:23
Subject: DD excluded from birthday party -- how to comfort her?
Curious why you all assume the "other parent" who said "she's not invited" is a mother.
Anonymous
03/12/2012 12:21
Subject: DD excluded from birthday party -- how to comfort her?
Anonymous wrote:We were at the ice skating rink yesterday, and my seven year old DD noticed that every single one of her classmates were at a birthday party in the "party room." Some of the kids waved to her. The parent of the birthday girl said sternly, "She is not invited."
We have never had a problem with this family (we barely even know them) and I don't know why they would exclude her like that when they clearly had no problem inviting every other child in the class. She was humiliated and saddened.
When we went home, she told DH, "Everyone in my class was at a birthday party at the rink, but not me. I couldn't go because I wasn't invited."
I have NO idea how to comfort her. I told her, "Kids can be exclusive... You just have to make other friends," but I didn't feel that was particularly convincing. What should I do/say???
I'm a bit confused how you know the other parent said "she's not invited" and said it "sternly" because you said they were inside the party room. Do you read lips?
Anonymous
03/12/2012 12:21
Subject: Re:DD excluded from birthday party -- how to comfort her?
Are you friends with any of the other parents of kids who were invited? I'm just wondering if you can find out somehow what was the reasoning behind the snub. If it weren't for the "She's not invited" thing, I'd just chalk it up to an oversight or lost invitation. Did your daughter hear the mother say this? Or did you? Or both?
Is your daughter close to this girl? In any event, I'd just discuss "your" family values about inclusion. And talk about how failure to include everyone (or at least a logical group of people) can really hurt others' feelings, which isn't a nice thing to do. If you've got a story about how you were excluded (or did the excluding), that might be helpful, too. My kids love to hear about how I've struggled with things and moved past them.
Ask her what types of things she could do to feel better about the situation. Kids are great at coming up with solutions themselves. Maybe she wants to ask this girl why she was left out. Maybe she doesn't want anything to do with her. Maybe she'd like to host a little playdate with a couple of close friends instead. If she doesn't have any ideas, you could suggest something like the playdate, or a special girls' day out, just you and her, doing whatever feels special. I suggest involving her in figuring out how to feel better, because there is more rejection ahead, unfortunately, be it friends or later boyfriends, etc. And learning to handle it now will ease the pain down the road.
Is your daughter close to this girl? In any event, I'd just discuss "your" family values about inclusion. And talk about how failure to include everyone (or at least a logical group of people) can really hurt others' feelings, which isn't a nice thing to do. If you've got a story about how you were excluded (or did the excluding), that might be helpful, too. My kids love to hear about how I've struggled with things and moved past them.
Ask her what types of things she could do to feel better about the situation. Kids are great at coming up with solutions themselves. Maybe she wants to ask this girl why she was left out. Maybe she doesn't want anything to do with her. Maybe she'd like to host a little playdate with a couple of close friends instead. If she doesn't have any ideas, you could suggest something like the playdate, or a special girls' day out, just you and her, doing whatever feels special. I suggest involving her in figuring out how to feel better, because there is more rejection ahead, unfortunately, be it friends or later boyfriends, etc. And learning to handle it now will ease the pain down the road.
Anonymous
03/12/2012 12:20
Subject: DD excluded from birthday party -- how to comfort her?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Are you sure your DD is not a trouble maker and left out because she's a bully or mean to the kids in the class?
Why would the parents do that to her out of the blue? Something is missing in this story.
This. This might be a learning opportunity for you, OP. Maybe your DD doesn't get along with others. Worth looking in to. Ask the teacher for honest opinion.
This was my thought too. If it were me, I'd definitely be talking to the teacher and maybe even the school counselor.
Anonymous
03/12/2012 12:20
Subject: Re:DD excluded from birthday party -- how to comfort her?
Others have provided great advice. Just wanted to say that my heart breaks for your daughter and that mom sucks. Sorry, OP.
Anonymous
03/12/2012 12:19
Subject: DD excluded from birthday party -- how to comfort her?
Anonymous wrote:Are you sure your DD is not a trouble maker and left out because she's a bully or mean to the kids in the class?
Why would the parents do that to her out of the blue? Something is missing in this story.
This. This might be a learning opportunity for you, OP. Maybe your DD doesn't get along with others. Worth looking in to. Ask the teacher for honest opinion.
Anonymous
03/12/2012 12:14
Subject: DD excluded from birthday party -- how to comfort her?
It's so odd that your daughter was the only one not invited, and that the mother (!) woudl say somethign so mean, that I agree with others that there must be more to the story.
If there's not - wow. Just wow. That other mother is a piece of work. If there isn't something underlying this, I'd have a hard time forgiving her, and I'd certainly be on the lookout for opportunities to pay her back (her, not her kid).
If there's not - wow. Just wow. That other mother is a piece of work. If there isn't something underlying this, I'd have a hard time forgiving her, and I'd certainly be on the lookout for opportunities to pay her back (her, not her kid).
Anonymous
03/12/2012 12:12
Subject: DD excluded from birthday party -- how to comfort her?
ARGH I'm so not looking forward to this. What an ass that parent was. I would take DD out for something special and maybe explain to her that you two are having your own exclusive party.
Anonymous
03/12/2012 12:09
Subject: Re:DD excluded from birthday party -- how to comfort her?
Anonymous wrote:I wonder if the other mom thought you showed up on purpose when in reality it was just a really bad coincidence?
+1