Anonymous wrote:A friend of mine does this. her ex is gay and has moved on to live with his BF. He bought her a house, pays her monthly and part of the divorce was that she was not allowed to work until the child (5) goes to college.

He also pays for big trips every year and they spend every holiday as a family.

Not allowed to work?! I get not being required to work, or that child support would be reduced if she chooses to work, but I don't get prohibited from workng.

I have a recently divorced SAHM friend. Before the divorce, she was a SAHM. As part of the divorce proceedings, the husband agreed to pay sufficient alimony to allow the mother to continue to stay home until the youngest child was in all-day kindergarten. The reasoning was that the goal of a divorce settlement is to keep the kids' standard of living the same, and for this family that included having a SAHM.

blog link please? Anybody??

Anonymous wrote:anybody want to post a link to the blog? I can' find it on Google.

I can't find it also!

Anonymous wrote:anybody want to post a link to the blog? I can' find it on Google.

I can't find also.

A friend of mine does this. her ex is gay and has moved on to live with his BF. He bought her a house, pays her monthly and part of the divorce was that she was not allowed to work until the child (5) goes to college.

He also pays for big trips every year and they spend every holiday as a family.

anybody want to post a link to the blog? I can' find it on Google.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I read a blog written by a woman who is newly divorced (like within the past 8 months or so) but has bad separation anxiety if she's apart from her 2.5 year old, so her ex husband bought her a house and basically gives her a living stipend each month to pay her bills and live on. She doesn't work, she stays home with her daughter and that's how she makes it happen. Not sure how long it'll last, but for now, she qualifies as a single stay at home mom.

The mother has bad separation anxiety so she can live off her ex's money?? Tacky. Get a job.

I'm that PP and I agree with you. I think it sets a bad example for her daughter. The way she spends the money puzzles me as well- she had a breakout last week and went to a dermatologist who prescribed her a face cream that was $300. She paid that, but then found a coupon that made it only $50 and got a reimbursement- but regardless, living on a fixed income that her ex-husband gives her, I couldn't believe she'd justify $300 face cream to bleach her skin. She's also now considering Botox. (She is 31 or 32, I forget which.) Overall she can be a very funny person and is entertaining and in many ways is a great mother to her daughter, but this "I can't even get a part time job because I can't be away from her" mentality is just teaching her daughter that if you're sad and pitiful enough, some man will pick up the slack and take care of you. I don't even want to know what will happen to her if the ex remarries or just decides he's no longer going to bankroll her lifestyle and gets the courts to order a specific amount of child support and pays only that.

Anonymous wrote:I read a blog written by a woman who is newly divorced (like within the past 8 months or so) but has bad separation anxiety if she's apart from her 2.5 year old, so her ex husband bought her a house and basically gives her a living stipend each month to pay her bills and live on. She doesn't work, she stays home with her daughter and that's how she makes it happen. Not sure how long it'll last, but for now, she qualifies as a single stay at home mom.

The mother has bad separation anxiety so she can live off her ex's money?? Tacky. Get a job.

I know a single SAHM of 3 who is on welfare. She chose to have the 3rd child, knowing her marriage was ending (he had already moved out for months) and she got pregnant on purpose and now collects $850/month in food stamp benefits, has subsided housing in a very desirable school district (rent is less than $300/month for a 4BR/3BA SFH!!!) and has her DCs in a private school - full financial aid. This woman has always planned to not work and will NEVER go to work. I've known her since middle school. I don't know what she will do in 18 years once all the kids grow up and are out of the house because she won't get the same benefits. Maybe she will get pregnant again by a random man. I have no respect for this woman.

She is a welfare queen, and if you didn't know her, you'd never know it, since most don't expect blond, blue eyed, WASPy looking welfare moms.

Disgusting abuse of the system.

It's called alimony and child support.

Yes, and the point of the thread is that there are some who don't think you deserve it.

It's called alimony and child support.

In college I nannied for a single, SAHM. She had four kids and was recently divorced. ExDH was super wealthy and had bought her a house and gave her enough money each month to get by on. After some time (maybe a year?) she got a part-time job at a local high-end clothing store, mostly just for a social outlet but also to have a bit more money. Very nice family, and a super sweet mom, but I think she still felt like a "kept" woman by a nasty exDH.

My mother was single and chose to SAH when I was little because she needed to be unemployed in order to get Medicaid. She didn't work in a field that provided health insurance. She received a small amount of child support from her ex (a lawyer) but it wasn't enough to keep out of poverty. She left her husband because he beat her. Eventually she went back to work, but only part time because her earnings wouldn't cover full time childcare. We were very poor for a long time and this period of low earnings has resulted in entirely inadequate retirement savings, so as my mom approaches age 70 she's looking at a very shaky future, even though she's now in a professional job (IT systems) and earns a middle class salary. I can't even express how much I appreciate her sacrifices for us.

Some women are widowed with children. Some are not legally married to their significant others, but have children and stay home. There are lots of different scenarios.