Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm the PP with the friend bolded. My DD has been the only AA and minority from K to current 8. All her activities from hockey, swimming, figure skating, softball, wrestling, gymnastics,etc, she's been the only one. She's made some great associates over the course, but no true friends, more like second or third tier friendships. I've had enough of it, and for HS she will be attending a very diverse one.

I'm so sorry your DD is going through that. It's really awful. Do you think it's because of the kids in her class or parental intervention? Also, would you mind sharing if this is a public or private school? No need for names. I'll understand if you're uncomfortable sharing that information.

It's private...mind you, DD is having a terrific time and would stay in current school, however I see through the screen. For example, one of the kids we've known since K, we have been to her house and vise versa over the years. In fact DD had a study session at her house a few weeks back. Well two Fridays ago was this kids b'day party, she invited all the other girls to the party and left my DD out, and they were all told to keep it a secret from her. Just hours before the entire class was behaving as one big happ family at a field day. Well DD found out the Monday in school as everyone tried to talk about the party in code around her. She was upset for a minute but quickly got over it, and even up to last week when the teacher gave them assignment to come in front the class and speak of two of you favorite classmates, she choose said gril.

Her younger brother also attended entering in 2nd grade. I had to remove him in 3 for being bullyied. One day at recess one of the other lil boys touched his brow and wipe the sweat off and said while rubbing his fingers - your sweat is not like hours! That was the last straw and he was removed. DD class was kinder and she was left in.

To answer you questioin - it comes from the parents.

Anonymous wrote:I'm the PP with the friend bolded. My DD has been the only AA and minority from K to current 8. All her activities from hockey, swimming, figure skating, softball, wrestling, gymnastics,etc, she's been the only one. She's made some great associates over the course, but no true friends, more like second or third tier friendships. I've had enough of it, and for HS she will be attending a very diverse one.

I'm so sorry your DD is going through that. It's really awful. Do you think it's because of the kids in her class or parental intervention? Also, would you mind sharing if this is a public or private school? No need for names. I'll understand if you're uncomfortable sharing that information.

I'm the PP with the friend bolded. My DD has been the only AA and minority from K to current 8. All her activities from hockey, swimming, figure skating, softball, wrestling, gymnastics,etc, she's been the only one. She's made some great associates over the course, but no true friends, more like second or third tier friendships. I've had enough of it, and for HS she will be attending a very diverse one.

I have seen classes and grades with only 1 or 2 AAs and no other minorities.

Anonymous wrote: pp, wouldn't it make you wonder if in this day and age that a school had ONE AA child?
BTW, I don't think that such a situation exists much any more.

Yes, it would. My LO isn't the only AA child in the class. I just hoped there would be more than the handfull we have. My DH and I visited many preschools and I never saw a class or school that was all white. Like I said, today we have more options than in my parents' time. Their choices were either a really bad public school or a predominantly white private. I should mention that although I was the only in my class, there were other AAs in the school, just not in my classroom.

pp, wouldn't it make you wonder if in this day and age that a school had ONE AA child?
BTW, I don't think that such a situation exists much any more.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, two thing s to keep in mind. White people have changed. We are dealing with a more tolerant generation.
Also, do not put black identity before family identity. Some of these issues are related to social class. I am not sure that an upper-middle class white family would be able to relate to the poorest whites in inner city Baltimore or parts of Appalachia. You should not be in a position to get your child to ID with different social classes. The class and identity of your family is your culture.
I hear you, but as AAs, I think that we deny ourselves the right to have mini cultures like other races do.

My parents thought exactly like you do, so I was the "only" in my class through lower school. It was surprisingly conflict free, now that I think about it. Only good memories. You're right about having a strong family identity - we do, possibly out of necessity. For the op, I'd be more concerned about negative influences than racial identity. I may be biased, though.

How many of you classmates r u still friends with today?

Still friends with 3 of them. Just saw them last week at another friend's house in NYC for a baby shower. Why? And why is the word "friends" in bold?

I am AA, and my parents sent me to a predominately AA urban elementary school where we were one of a few middle class families. I got a solid education. But for various reasons, I have no friends from that period of my life. Not sure what 1652 is nsinuating.

I appreciate your reply. I think we're luckier today than in the past since there are more options available. Although I had a good experience in LS, I can understand why some families are hesitant to be an uber-minority in any setting. I saw several other AA parents at open houses and was very disappointed that more didn't enroll at our preschool. OP, I wish you well and hope you find the balance you're looking for.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, two thing s to keep in mind. White people have changed. We are dealing with a more tolerant generation.
Also, do not put black identity before family identity. Some of these issues are related to social class. I am not sure that an upper-middle class white family would be able to relate to the poorest whites in inner city Baltimore or parts of Appalachia. You should not be in a position to get your child to ID with different social classes. The class and identity of your family is your culture.
I hear you, but as AAs, I think that we deny ourselves the right to have mini cultures like other races do.

My parents thought exactly like you do, so I was the "only" in my class through lower school. It was surprisingly conflict free, now that I think about it. Only good memories. You're right about having a strong family identity - we do, possibly out of necessity. For the op, I'd be more concerned about negative influences than racial identity. I may be biased, though.

How many of you classmates r u still friends with today?

Still friends with 3 of them. Just saw them last week at another friend's house in NYC for a baby shower. Why? And why is the word "friends" in bold?

I am AA, and my parents sent me to a predominately AA urban elementary school where we were one of a few middle class families. I got a solid education. But for various reasons, I have no friends from that period of my life. Not sure what 1652 is nsinuating.

OP, please try not to get into a situation where DC is the ONLY one. There are many reasons, but try to avoid that scenario.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, two thing s to keep in mind. White people have changed. We are dealing with a more tolerant generation.
Also, do not put black identity before family identity. Some of these issues are related to social class. I am not sure that an upper-middle class white family would be able to relate to the poorest whites in inner city Baltimore or parts of Appalachia. You should not be in a position to get your child to ID with different social classes. The class and identity of your family is your culture.
I hear you, but as AAs, I think that we deny ourselves the right to have mini cultures like other races do.

My parents thought exactly like you do, so I was the "only" in my class through lower school. It was surprisingly conflict free, now that I think about it. Only good memories. You're right about having a strong family identity - we do, possibly out of necessity. For the op, I'd be more concerned about negative influences than racial identity. I may be biased, though.

How many of you classmates r u still friends with today?

Still friends with 3 of them. Just saw them last week at another friend's house in NYC for a baby shower. Why? And why is the word "friends" in bold?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, two thing s to keep in mind. White people have changed. We are dealing with a more tolerant generation.
Also, do not put black identity before family identity. Some of these issues are related to social class. I am not sure that an upper-middle class white family would be able to relate to the poorest whites in inner city Baltimore or parts of Appalachia. You should not be in a position to get your child to ID with different social classes. The class and identity of your family is your culture.
I hear you, but as AAs, I think that we deny ourselves the right to have mini cultures like other races do.

My parents thought exactly like you do, so I was the "only" in my class through lower school. It was surprisingly conflict free, now that I think about it. Only good memories. You're right about having a strong family identity - we do, possibly out of necessity. For the op, I'd be more concerned about negative influences than racial identity. I may be biased, though.

How many of you classmates r u still friends with today?

Anonymous wrote:OP, two thing s to keep in mind. White people have changed. We are dealing with a more tolerant generation.
Also, do not put black identity before family identity. Some of these issues are related to social class. I am not sure that an upper-middle class white family would be able to relate to the poorest whites in inner city Baltimore or parts of Appalachia. You should not be in a position to get your child to ID with different social classes. The class and identity of your family is your culture.
I hear you, but as AAs, I think that we deny ourselves the right to have mini cultures like other races do.

My parents thought exactly like you do, so I was the "only" in my class through lower school. It was surprisingly conflict free, now that I think about it. Only good memories. You're right about having a strong family identity - we do, possibly out of necessity. For the op, I'd be more concerned about negative influences than racial identity. I may be biased, though.

I try to explain to my kids that people from different backgrounds (social, economic, cultural and so on) sometimes have different ways of living their lives. No one is better or worse, just different. I also tell them that we choose to lives our lives this way because for us, this is better.
Later on, I will become more judgemental, in a realistic way. If there are chronic social problems I will point out root causes that MIGHT play a part. Even within my family there are people that have made choices that I do not agree with, and my kids will eventually hear about that.
For now, OP being Black is not one thing. There are hundreds of micro cultures, and even within those cultures, there are all types of socioeconomic issues. If you are of Jamaican ancestry, you could be from an upper class crowd, or generations of poverty. Even then, if you are from a wealthy background, did your parents make their money as professionals, entertainers, or as businessmen? Is your family religious or agnostic? Catholic or Protestant...it goes on. We all need to be real about this.
Also, trouble in the AA community seems to be harder to rub off. When White kids get busted for drugs, it does not take on the same flavor. They aren't as easily chraged with "distribution" as our kids are. Just be careful.
Please pardon any typos.

Anonymous wrote:OP, two thing s to keep in mind. White people have changed. We are dealing with a more tolerant generation.
Also, do not put black identity before family identity. Some of these issues are related to social class. I am not sure that an upper-middle class white family would be able to relate to the poorest whites in inner city Baltimore or parts of Appalachia. You should not be in a position to get your child to ID with different social classes. The class and identity of your family is your culture.
I hear you, but as AAs, I think that we deny ourselves the right to have mini cultures like other races do.

OP here. I see what you are saying, but I actually would like my kids to be able to identify with or at least be aware of/exposed to different economic classes. I know that exposure to different economic classes in DCPS certainly colored my world view - in my opinion for the better. I think there are lots of white parents that feel the same way - ergo the posts on DCUM extolling the virtues of schools with SES diversity. Of course, when you are talking about the DC metro area, lower SES almost always = racial/ethnic minority, so the white parents who want their children exposed to people of different SES don't have to worry quite as much about their children over-identifying with the lower SES. So I want the experience of SES diversity, but you are correct that I don't want my kids to too strongly with some of the stereotypical attitudes that people tend to associate with families of lower SES.

OP, two thing s to keep in mind. White people have changed. We are dealing with a more tolerant generation.
Also, do not put black identity before family identity. Some of these issues are related to social class. I am not sure that an upper-middle class white family would be able to relate to the poorest whites in inner city Baltimore or parts of Appalachia. You should not be in a position to get your child to ID with different social classes. The class and identity of your family is your culture.
I hear you, but as AAs, I think that we deny ourselves the right to have mini cultures like other races do.