Anonymous
Post 02/23/2012 22:10     Subject: 7 Year Old Stealing
Anonymous wrote:OP, it sounds like you just don't like your daughter very much. We all recognize that our children have faults, but you just seem annoyed with her. I hope I'm wrong, but that is why you are getting such heat. I remember your thread from last year, and my heart broke for your daughter.


Again with the judgments. Spare me. Of course I'm annoyed with her. Apparently you can't distinguish between not liking what's she's done and not liking her. If that's how you approach parenting, my heart breaks for your kids.
Anonymous
Post 02/23/2012 22:02     Subject: 7 Year Old Stealing
OP, it sounds like you just don't like your daughter very much. We all recognize that our children have faults, but you just seem annoyed with her. I hope I'm wrong, but that is why you are getting such heat. I remember your thread from last year, and my heart broke for your daughter.
Anonymous
Post 02/23/2012 21:38     Subject: 7 Year Old Stealing
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Have you been to a therapist yet?


Have you? A child who takes money from her friends and then tries to hide it is being sneaky. I'm sure it may make you feel superior to cast judgments on others, but I'm looking for people who something constructive to offer. You don't, so please don't respond to me any further. Thank you.


? I meant for your daughter.
Anonymous
Post 02/23/2012 21:34     Subject: 7 Year Old Stealing
Therapy for both of you. There are issues here that strangers on a web board cannot fix with simple suggestions. A therapist can help study the situation and develop a plan.
Anonymous
Post 02/23/2012 21:24     Subject: Re:7 Year Old Stealing
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You seem determined to believe your daughter is just plain bad. It sounds like she has could have issues with executive functioning. Have you taken her to a developmental pediatrician?


What is with all the judgmental lurkers on this site looking to validate themselves by attacking people who admit that their children aren't perfect? This isn't about trying to see my daughter as being bad. My daughter has a great many very positive character traits. She's fun, outgoing and friendly in a way that's very engaging. Even though she can't stop socializing in class, her teachers are generally fond of her because she has a sunny disposition. BUT, I know that if she doesn't learn that stealing is unacceptable, those traits won't matter at all. She's an intensely social person and she loves her friends. The last thing I want is for her to be branded a thief. She's likely to go through the rest of elementary school, middle school and high school with the same group of kids and I don't want a reputation for untrustworthiness to ruin her experiences. Is that clear enough?


??? Lady, read your post. You seem hell bent on covering up for your daughter rather than addressing the problem head on. This will be a much bigger problem in a few years if you don't take it seriously.


One poster claims I'm trying to see my daughter as inherently bad. Now you claim I'm hell bent on covering up for her and not taking this issue seriously. I can see why so many people say this site is just a place for people to come and attack others.
Anonymous
Post 02/23/2012 21:21     Subject: Re:7 Year Old Stealing
Anonymous wrote: I have no idea at what age this manifests, but maybe she is a kleptomaniac. I'd definitely look into the possibility.


Gee. That was not very helpful advice.
Anonymous
Post 02/23/2012 21:11     Subject: Re:7 Year Old Stealing
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You seem determined to believe your daughter is just plain bad. It sounds like she has could have issues with executive functioning. Have you taken her to a developmental pediatrician?


What is with all the judgmental lurkers on this site looking to validate themselves by attacking people who admit that their children aren't perfect? This isn't about trying to see my daughter as being bad. My daughter has a great many very positive character traits. She's fun, outgoing and friendly in a way that's very engaging. Even though she can't stop socializing in class, her teachers are generally fond of her because she has a sunny disposition. BUT, I know that if she doesn't learn that stealing is unacceptable, those traits won't matter at all. She's an intensely social person and she loves her friends. The last thing I want is for her to be branded a thief. She's likely to go through the rest of elementary school, middle school and high school with the same group of kids and I don't want a reputation for untrustworthiness to ruin her experiences. Is that clear enough?


??? Lady, read your post. You seem hell bent on covering up for your daughter rather than addressing the problem head on. This will be a much bigger problem in a few years if you don't take it seriously.
Anonymous
Post 02/23/2012 21:11     Subject: Re:7 Year Old Stealing
I have no idea at what age this manifests, but maybe she is a kleptomaniac. I'd definitely look into the possibility.
Anonymous
Post 02/23/2012 21:10     Subject: 7 Year Old Stealing
Anonymous wrote:OP you might not like this idea, but maybe just let her eat WTF ever she wants for lunch. If she wants Cheetos, pack em. If she wants PBJ and a Reese's cup, pack it. Because if she hates fruit and you're thinking she'll stop stealing because she's now got two pieces of fruit, that's not going to stop the problem. She seems to like snacks and indulgent, bad for her food. Honestly, make her eat a healthy breakfast and dinner. Let her eat some junk for lunch- after awhile, the thrill might wear off and she'll realize Cheetos aren't that awesome and might request good stuff again. And won't feel compelled to steal it because she's had it.

I totally remember now. You also said she stole a candy bar off your desk. She is wanting junky indulgent foods! I really think my plan might work. Let her have her fill of crap so the forbidden fruitiness of it wears off and she no longer feels she has to steal to get it. Clearly, the apple and banana and homemade desserts aren't cutting it.


I thought about that and even talked to her doctor about just letting her have whatever she wants. The doctor's advice was not to do that because she might not get tired of junk food and she sees too many kids with health issues related to poor diet. That worries me as well. What if the thrill doesn't wear off? It's not as if the things she's been buying are actually forbidden. If anything, we have too many cookies, cakes and chips in this house. If she was stealing money to buy soda, that might at least make sense as something "forbidden" because we don't drink them. But what's the deal with eating two homemade cookies in her lunch and then stealing $1 to buy another cookie from the cafeteria? ($1. The amounts involved are so small, I could almost laugh them off, if the matter of stealing wasn't so serious.)

Plus, if we do let her buy whatever she wants, are we teaching her the right lesson by responding to her stealing by basically giving her the things she stole?
Anonymous
Post 02/23/2012 20:57     Subject: Re:7 Year Old Stealing
Anonymous wrote:You seem determined to believe your daughter is just plain bad. It sounds like she has could have issues with executive functioning. Have you taken her to a developmental pediatrician?


What is with all the judgmental lurkers on this site looking to validate themselves by attacking people who admit that their children aren't perfect? This isn't about trying to see my daughter as being bad. My daughter has a great many very positive character traits. She's fun, outgoing and friendly in a way that's very engaging. Even though she can't stop socializing in class, her teachers are generally fond of her because she has a sunny disposition. BUT, I know that if she doesn't learn that stealing is unacceptable, those traits won't matter at all. She's an intensely social person and she loves her friends. The last thing I want is for her to be branded a thief. She's likely to go through the rest of elementary school, middle school and high school with the same group of kids and I don't want a reputation for untrustworthiness to ruin her experiences. Is that clear enough?
Anonymous
Post 02/23/2012 20:52     Subject: Re:7 Year Old Stealing
OP can you outline exactly what you pack her for lunch?

Also what do you feed her at home?

How does your daughter currently earn money?

I do have to agree with others you probably need to involve a child development specialist. You need to talk to them first about how to handle the situation and then continue with sessions with her if that is what they think may be helpful. I would also talk to the head of the school.
Anonymous
Post 02/23/2012 20:24     Subject: 7 Year Old Stealing
OP you might not like this idea, but maybe just let her eat WTF ever she wants for lunch. If she wants Cheetos, pack em. If she wants PBJ and a Reese's cup, pack it. Because if she hates fruit and you're thinking she'll stop stealing because she's now got two pieces of fruit, that's not going to stop the problem. She seems to like snacks and indulgent, bad for her food. Honestly, make her eat a healthy breakfast and dinner. Let her eat some junk for lunch- after awhile, the thrill might wear off and she'll realize Cheetos aren't that awesome and might request good stuff again. And won't feel compelled to steal it because she's had it.

I totally remember now. You also said she stole a candy bar off your desk. She is wanting junky indulgent foods! I really think my plan might work. Let her have her fill of crap so the forbidden fruitiness of it wears off and she no longer feels she has to steal to get it. Clearly, the apple and banana and homemade desserts aren't cutting it.
Anonymous
Post 02/23/2012 20:22     Subject: 7 Year Old Stealing
Hi OP. Well, the stealing may be centered around food but it certainly sounds as if it's not really about food. I remember you from last year. I think now it is time to seek therapy. I can see this spiraling into both a stealing problem and an eating disorder and the two may become so intertwined it will be hard for her as a teen/adult to disentangle the two.
Anonymous
Post 02/23/2012 20:18     Subject: Re:7 Year Old Stealing
You seem determined to believe your daughter is just plain bad. It sounds like she has could have issues with executive functioning. Have you taken her to a developmental pediatrician?
Anonymous
Post 02/23/2012 20:18     Subject: 7 Year Old Stealing
Anonymous wrote:Have you been to a therapist yet?


Have you? A child who takes money from her friends and then tries to hide it is being sneaky. I'm sure it may make you feel superior to cast judgments on others, but I'm looking for people who something constructive to offer. You don't, so please don't respond to me any further. Thank you.