The gay couples I know go by Daddy John and Daddy Jim when the kids are referencing them. But the kids just call them Dad when when speaking to them. I've heard kids do the same thing when distinguishing between their Grandmas. Not a big deal.

And BTW, the gay dads I know are the best parents on the planet. They are raising truly awesome kids.

Anonymous wrote:I would be horrified to ask them but I'm dying of curiosity. I frequently see a gay couple with an adopted child at the local park. I've heard the child call one of the men "dad." What's the norm here - are they dad and dad, or do they likely have different names (dad and daddy? dad and papa?). I dont know why I'm so curious about this.

Introduce yourself to them and make small talk.

You'll find out soon enough.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's probably Dad John and Dad bob or whatever their names are. That's how it is with most same sex couples with children that I know.

I have never heard same sex couples using their first names as this PP suggests.

Me neither, and I know a few.

Congrats on accepting who you are and thinking about the details of your future.

Here are a few options:

Dad & Daddy
*Downside: Daddy may be preferred when young but when older a son may not want to call his father Daddy and thus he will be calling you both Dad. Though I always called my grandfather, Grampy, even as an adult.

Daddy J & Daddy D (where J and D are the people's first names).
*Downside: Some letters may not work well such as Y, P, W.., and is rather long and may be harder to distinguish who he is calling and not possible if partners have same first name letter. If you meet someone who already has a child he probably calls him Dad and then most likely you will become Daddy (first letter) or potentially just your first name if the child is relatively old.

Father
*One many could be dad/daddy/papa/pa and the other Father but unless it is a very traditional formal family (which would be rare for a gay family), the kid will most likely not want to call his dad Father.

Dada/Daddy/Dad & Pa/Papa/Pops/Pop
*This seems like the best option long term. The only downside being Papa depending on your culture may be less typical or sound older. They may also call Papa (Pops) when a teenager which may come across as disrespectful to some.

Also some kids use a combination. Thus they call whoever they are with Daddy but if both dads are present at the same time they call them Daddy first initial, etc. Often whatever you decide the kid may have something else in mind.


I think Dad and Papa will be the least confusing and best long term and allows the kid to start with Da > DaDa > Daddy and finally Dad. And the other Pa > Papa > Pop/Pops > Papa. But ultimately a personal preference and up to the child in the long run.

Anonymous wrote:Most of the gay male parents I know intend to be called some variety of "Dad" and "Papa". The kids sometimes choose different names.

A lesbian couple I know are called "GG" and "Black GG" by their grandson, since one of them has black hair. He decided this on his own.

Ya they should probably correct that

Our kids (4 and 6) call us "Daddy" and "Dadda". I sense that one day "Dadda" will become "Dad".

Anonymous wrote:It's very individual and there isn't a standard. Just like heterosexual couples don't always go by daddy/mommy or papa/mama or dad/mom or whatever.

This.

But as someone who has taught children of same-sex couples, when I don't know what name a child uses and I want to let him/her know to whom I spoke or about which parent I am speaking, I usually say "your mom Jane" or "your dad John"

There's a wonderful picture book about a girl with two fathers called DAD and POP by Kelly Bennett. It's a simple loving story comparing the two. The version published in the US is subtitled "Ode to Fathers and Stepfathers" but the UK Version isn't as is called MY DADS. Here's a review: http://www.littleparachutes.com/book.php?id=218

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The couples I know are Dad and Papa, Dad and Pop, and Mom and Mommy. By the way, the kids are not always adopted. Gay men father children too.

OP here - I know they're not always adopted, but in this case the child clearly is. I only added that detail because I thought if one was the biological dad you might actually have "dad" and "bob" or something.

Because non-biological parents don't get called mom or dad? Unless you're talking about a step-parent situation, why assume that biologically-unrelated dads get a lesser name than straight adoptive parents? I mean, I'm all for using whatever name you like, but this is like expecting that if a couple uses dad's sperm but an egg donor, the kid should call them Dad and Jane.

I agree, I actually was kind of offended by OP's suggestion that the non bio parent would somehow be less of a parent to be called by his first name?

Sorry, no offense meant, I was thinking of a scenario where parent # 2 came into relationship after child was born. I have stepparents that came along when I was pretty young, so was thinking of that.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The couples I know are Dad and Papa, Dad and Pop, and Mom and Mommy. By the way, the kids are not always adopted. Gay men father children too.

OP here - I know they're not always adopted, but in this case the child clearly is. I only added that detail because I thought if one was the biological dad you might actually have "dad" and "bob" or something.

Because non-biological parents don't get called mom or dad? Unless you're talking about a step-parent situation, why assume that biologically-unrelated dads get a lesser name than straight adoptive parents? I mean, I'm all for using whatever name you like, but this is like expecting that if a couple uses dad's sperm but an egg donor, the kid should call them Dad and Jane.

I agree, I actually was kind of offended by OP's suggestion that the non bio parent would somehow be less of a parent to be called by his first name?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The couples I know are Dad and Papa, Dad and Pop, and Mom and Mommy. By the way, the kids are not always adopted. Gay men father children too.

OP here - I know they're not always adopted, but in this case the child clearly is. I only added that detail because I thought if one was the biological dad you might actually have "dad" and "bob" or something.

Because non-biological parents don't get called mom or dad? Unless you're talking about a step-parent situation, why assume that biologically-unrelated dads get a lesser name than straight adoptive parents? I mean, I'm all for using whatever name you like, but this is like expecting that if a couple uses dad's sperm but an egg donor, the kid should call them Dad and Jane.

My data points w/ two-mom couples:

Couple 1: MomFirstName and MomFirstName

Couple 2: Mommy and CutesyName (don't wish to reveal)

In both cases, one of the women bore both the couple's children (unlike the PP's experience)

Most of the women I know use Mama and Mommy, although there are some variations. The only people I know who use Mama Jane (or whatever) are those who bring children from a prior relationship into a new relationship.

Anonymous wrote:The couples I know are Dad and Papa, Dad and Pop, and Mom and Mommy. By the way, the kids are not always adopted. Gay men father children too.

OP here - I know they're not always adopted, but in this case the child clearly is. I only added that detail because I thought if one was the biological dad you might actually have "dad" and "bob" or something.

There is a boy with two mommies in my child's dance class. He calls them "Mommy Kate" and "Mommy Sue."