Some PPs have had helpful, positive responses, but I wanted to add one more. I really think that a large part of your struggle is with you, not the baby. Daycares in general are great places, and if you're like me, your battle here is with your own guilt, and perhaps feeling jipped about your long day and lack of time with your baby. I'm definitely in that camp right now, having about 45mn with by kiddo once I get home before she sleeps. But, having done the same with my first child, I know it will get better and as a PP said, kids turn out great regardless. Well socialized, liking different cargivers, and probably not remembering one bit of their early days in the long run. As long as they are safe, loved, and held throughout the day, babies are fine in daycare.

I don't quite understand the people suggesting the OP should move. In this housing market, that could take months or even a year, and they could lose a ton of money. My DH and I both have hour+ commutes, but there is NO WAY we could afford to sell our house and buy another, much less within any reasonable amount of time.

I also think that, for many families, the financial hit of reduced hours is no more feasible than moving.

OP, I think you should come up with a solid plan re work - say arriving/leaving 1hr earlier or telework, and then ask. The worst they can do is say no, right? If that fails, I agree with the others that 11hrs in daycare isn't ideal, but won't harm your child. Start there and then start working on more long-term solutions (like moving, changing jobs, or cutting your budget so you can cut your hours).

Good luck!

You need a daycare in the middle of your commute. What happens if DC gets sick and needs to be picked up early?

I suggest moving near your work in Dulles. There are a lot of good commuting options to DC from there. Loudoun has buses that go straight downtown using the toll roads and shoulders. Then your commute wouldn't be so long, and your baby wouldn't be in daycare so long. There are tons of great daycares out here.

OP, I understand your concern but let me share my perspective. My infant started daycare at 14 weeks. Granted, I live close in and work in DC so my commute is either public transportation or driving - which is not horrible most days so that is different. She's there 9-10 hours a day and LOVES it. At first it was hard. She was so tiny and while I have always been comfortable with the daycare, I felt like I missed everything. She was nearly asleep when I got home at night. But as time went on, it got better. The daycare is blocks from my house and I would not recommend getting a daycare near work - work can change, you will have sick days, etc. and if you find a place you like, you will want to stay there.
Perhaps you might be able to telecommute one day per week? I negotiated that and while I don't do it every week, it has been helpful to spend a little more time with the baby. I still send her to daycare but don't have to rush. All I can say is yes, it is hard. But it does get better! I promise!
Best of luck. SO many things to juggle in the beginning but I do hope you find something that will work.

If you can afford a nanny, I would do that. I think that's just too long of a day. Having your baby in the car for your commute and finding a daycare near your work doesn't give you more quality time with him/her and the baby would be trapped for too long in the car.

We avoid this but we have flexible schedules and we parent in shifts. I leave really early and go to work and get home by 5. DH stays late with the baby until 10am and then goes to work, so DS has gotten a lot of time with us versus others and that's nice.

Any way you could move near ONE of your jobs? Then daycare + house + one parent's workplace are relatively close. They would obviously have to bear the majority of the daycare pickup/dropoff duty. And when that person was home sick (or whatever) the other parent could drop off relatively easily, since DCP is near home.

I would consider doing a nanny share. It will cost more than daycare, but won't be crazy expensive like a dedicated nanny. If you host the share, you also save a little time because you won't have to do drop-off and pick-up.

Agree with the last few PPs. My son (age 2) would not enjoy a long car ride. He gets fussy after about 10 minutes in the car. I can't even imagine 2 hours every day in the car with him, or what would happen if we were stuck in traffic for longer. Shudder.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:thanks everyone. i can ask to telework, but I don't think it will go over well Daycare near my work is an option, altho I love the one near my house. I cant reduce my hours b/c then they will want to pay me less money! thanks everyone

Sometimes less money in order for your child to not be in daycare for 12 hours a day (and so you have some time with them) is a acrifice you have to make as part of being a parent. If your primarly priority is making money then why does it matter how many hours he's in daycare?

I think you are right, I need to start looking for new jobs!

Anonymous wrote:do not get daycare near your work. there will be days that you don't go to work and then you will have to trudge to daycare. think about when you are sick.

11 hours is a long time, and our daycare doesn't even allow us to leave our son that long. they are open from 7:30-6:30, and we have to pick 10 hours in between. you should find out if your daycare even allows you to have 11 hours of care.

i realize this isn't helpful, i just wanted to go against what PPs were saying about daycare downtown. I actually disagree that time spent commuting with you is better than an extra hour or 2 at daycare. my DS would MUCH rather be at daycare than in his car seat for 2 hours every day. At daycare, he gets to play, he gets fed, he gets attention. In the car seat, he stares at the back seat, cries, listens to me sing, and then falls asleep. An extra 2 hours in the car would be totally detrimental to his sleep schedule.

I totally agree with PP. I used to commute with my baby and the long commute was tough on everyone. I could never take a sick day and when I traveled for work, logistics were a huge problem. Much better to stick with a daycare near home, where both parents can be do drop off/pick up.

Anonymous wrote:Can neither of you shift your hours?

not the OP here, but so many of these responses seem so dense. Lucky for all of you to be so privileged to have flexible jobs and freedom at work. Many people do not have that. Especially in this market, people have to hold on to the jobs that they have as best as they can! Good luck OP, hang in there. If your DC has to be in daycare 11 hours a day for a while, it will be ok. He will not be less loved, smart or successful as the other children and you can't let the DCUMers convince you otherwise.

Just SAH with your baby, then.

do not get daycare near your work. there will be days that you don't go to work and then you will have to trudge to daycare. think about when you are sick.

11 hours is a long time, and our daycare doesn't even allow us to leave our son that long. they are open from 7:30-6:30, and we have to pick 10 hours in between. you should find out if your daycare even allows you to have 11 hours of care.

i realize this isn't helpful, i just wanted to go against what PPs were saying about daycare downtown. I actually disagree that time spent commuting with you is better than an extra hour or 2 at daycare. my DS would MUCH rather be at daycare than in his car seat for 2 hours every day. At daycare, he gets to play, he gets fed, he gets attention. In the car seat, he stares at the back seat, cries, listens to me sing, and then falls asleep. An extra 2 hours in the car would be totally detrimental to his sleep schedule.

Can neither of you shift your hours?