I retired at age 40, and had kids at 41. I know, odd. I miss the excitement of working, but as an older Mom, with an older DH just did not have the desire to spend so many hours working at both job and parenting. Also with professional DH working long hours, I felt someone had to be there for the kids. Other moms with DH working very long hours made the same choices in our neighborhood. I think, yes, I am more boring and I wish the kids could have seen me as a working mom, but on balance I have enjoyed the time with them and being a SAHM. Not planning to go back to work at a regualr job anytime soon

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, my husband will support me financially for the rest of my life.

Would you want that for your daughter? I'd be mortified to be that type of role model for my daughter.



OP, I am in my mid-40s with two small kids. In this economy, unless you've married a Rothschild, I think you'd be wise to think this through. The woman who's been a SAH for 17 years is a rare breed. Furthermore, times have changed. So what may have been more the "norm" back then isn't so much today.

You're not a spring chicken. harsh but true

So if you think you'll find a job once you transition out of the SAH role, you're probably fooling yourself.

I've never been supportive of these decisions, as I think they're damaging. Women can take the easy way out while their husbands are the ones to stay in the workforce, doing 40+ hours a week supporting kids and a wife.

I will never support this decision until men face this dilemma.



So unless your kids are suffering, you'll do more damage than good and will most likely eventually regret that decision to opt out.

I'm a working parent, but I find this post very offensive. Who are you to tell other women how to structure their lives. Get off your sanctimonious high horse already! Sheesh.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope my daughter is as lucky as I am. It's nice to have choices. I think you are bitter that you don't have choices.

See? That's the condescending attitude about which I just posted.

I do have choices. But I choose to work to pay for tuition.

And I choose to work b/c my job is rewarding.

And I choose to work b/c I'm not super paranoid about my giving my children some independence and space.

And I choose to work so that I'm a good role model for other young girls who don't "aspire" to stay home.

Condescension often stems from insecurity.

Tell me about it. Your post(s) reek of insecurity (and PP is right, they sound bitter).

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I hope my daughter is as lucky as I am. It's nice to have choices. I think you are bitter that you don't have choices.

See? That's the condescending attitude about which I just posted.

I do have choices. But I choose to work to pay for tuition.

And I choose to work b/c my job is rewarding.

And I choose to work b/c I'm not super paranoid about my giving my children some independence and space.

And I choose to work so that I'm a good role model for other young girls who don't "aspire" to stay home.

Condescension often stems from insecurity.

Yet you would be "mortified" if your daughter CHOSE for her husband to support her. CHOICES, people. I worked for several years after I had my kids but stopped - something my husband and I decided together. We each had stay at home moms growing up (and my mom was college-educated, so she made a CHOICE as well) and it was something that we valued and wanted for our own family. I would never be mortified if my daughter made a choice that made her happy and was a great decision for her family.

Would you want that for your daughter? I'd be mortified to be that type of role model for my daughter.

I'd be happy for my daughters if they put themselves in a position to have this option.

I did not go to college for my Mrs. degree. I put myself through law school with a combination of work-study jobs and loans, got a job at a big firm where I worked my butt off to pay back the loans early, and have saved like crazy for almost 20 years. I married someone with similar values and we have built a life together, as partners. We have a lovely (almost paid off) home for our family in a great community, substantial savings for our retirements & kids' education, and secure, stable jobs. We're now at a point where we can be very comfortable on just one income (and we have lots of life & disability insurance just in case), and we're thinking maybe it makes sense for me to stay home with our kids at this point. It looks like this might work for OUR family.

Do I feel blessed & grateful? Yes. Mortified? No, not really.

If you were secure and happy with your decisions, you wouldn't need to attack others & tell SAHMs that they should be "mortified" or that they're "taking the easy way out." This is a difficult decision for many women, and of course there are pros & cons and we're all trying to do our best for our families. There are ways to point out the downsides to being a SAHM without such hostility. Your angry tone detracts from your credibility, and you just come off sounding like a hateful, judgmental person who's unhappy with her own life.

Would you want that for your daughter? I'd be mortified to be that type of role model for my daughter.



OP, I am in my mid-40s with two small kids. In this economy, unless you've married a Rothschild, I think you'd be wise to think this through. The woman who's been a SAH for 17 years is a rare breed. Furthermore, times have changed. So what may have been more the "norm" back then isn't so much today.

You're not a spring chicken. harsh but true

So if you think you'll find a job once you transition out of the SAH role, you're probably fooling yourself.

I've never been supportive of these decisions, as I think they're damaging. Women can take the easy way out while their husbands are the ones to stay in the workforce, doing 40+ hours a week supporting kids and a wife.

I will never support this decision until men face this dilemma.

So unless your kids are suffering, you'll do more damage than good and will most likely eventually regret that decision to opt out.

Anonymous wrote:This forum is asking fifty something year olds what their perspective is if the were SAHM. That's what this is, an opinion, not a pissing contest.

Really. You kids should take it over to the SAH/WOHM wars threads.

This forum is asking fifty something year olds what their perspective is if the were SAHM. That's what this is, an opinion, not a pissing contest.

Anonymous wrote:I hope my daughter is as lucky as I am. It's nice to have choices. I think you are bitter that you don't have choices.

See? That's the condescending attitude about which I just posted.

I do have choices. But I choose to work to pay for tuition.

And I choose to work b/c my job is rewarding.

And I choose to work b/c I'm not super paranoid about my giving my children some independence and space.

And I choose to work so that I'm a good role model for other young girls who don't "aspire" to stay home.

Condescension often stems from insecurity.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, my husband will support me financially for the rest of my life.

Where did you fnd this sucker? 8)

Back in the 80's....it was a very different time! We did not have the daycare options offered today. Working moms and SAHM supported each other. Most of our daycare options were to go to SAHM who took in kids. Not a lot of oversight and no tax advantages. For us, we moved around a lot. Most moms worked around their kids schedule whe the kids started school. These were jobs, not careers.

If we were to split up, the law recognizes that the stay at home parent is entitled to half the assets. Sometimes alimony is awarded. Your comment is offensive and ignorant.

PP, ???

I grew up in the 70s and there was indeed a great divide btw. SAHs and working moms. In fact, to this day, my friends from school will comment about how their working moms felt like second class citizens when they interacted with SAHs. So you must live in La La Land.

The 80s were super hyped up for women. My friends and I were in college, hoping to land that great job. One works for CNN. Another is in marketing. One's a CPA. Another good pal is a dresser for Broadway plays. Some have kids; some don't. But they all work. Some even make more money than their spouses.

But to even mention that the SAH is entitled to half the assets is embarrassing - and somewhat offensive to single mothers struggling to make ends meet.

I hope my daughter is as lucky as I am. It's nice to have choices. I think you are bitter that you don't have choices.

.......unless your kids are suffering. Finally, it's not just about you. And what about SAHD? Let's go at them.

Anonymous wrote:Yes, my husband will support me financially for the rest of my life.

Would you want that for your daughter? I'd be mortified to be that type of role model for my daughter.



OP, I am in my mid-40s with two small kids. In this economy, unless you've married a Rothschild, I think you'd be wise to think this through. The woman who's been a SAH for 17 years is a rare breed. Furthermore, times have changed. So what may have been more the "norm" back then isn't so much today.

You're not a spring chicken. harsh but true

So if you think you'll find a job once you transition out of the SAH role, you're probably fooling yourself.

I've never been supportive of these decisions, as I think they're damaging. Women can take the easy way out while their husbands are the ones to stay in the workforce, doing 40+ hours a week supporting kids and a wife.

I will never support this decision until men face this dilemma.

So unless your kids are suffering, you'll do more damage than good and will most likely eventually regret that decision to opt out.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, my husband will support me financially for the rest of my life.

Where did you fnd this sucker? 8)

Back in the 80's....it was a very different time! We did not have the daycare options offered today. Working moms and SAHM supported each other. Most of our daycare options were to go to SAHM who took in kids. Not a lot of oversight and no tax advantages. For us, we moved around a lot. Most moms worked around their kids schedule whe the kids started school. These were jobs, not careers.

If we were to split up, the law recognizes that the stay at home parent is entitled to half the assets. Sometimes alimony is awarded. Your comment is offensive and ignorant.

I've been at home with my kids for about 23 years. I've worked part-time on and off through the years. And I taught school for two years when we moved to a part of the country with not-so-great public schools. I taught at their private school mostly for the tuition break. Every job I've had has allowed me to pick my kids up from school every afternoon. I don't work when my kids aren't in school.

I am almost 50. And I have zero regrets. My husband and I have been happily married for 25 years. Do I expect him to "take care of me for the rest of my life"? I am absolutely positive that we will take care of each other for the rest of our lives.