Anonymous wrote:

We have lots (no really) of money. The kids have no idea. We feel it is important for them to grow up knowing a regular life and not a privileged life. Most people in the real world do not live a privileged life. They need to know how to get along after we are gone, even if it is with an enormous inheritance. You are doing your kids no favors if you are one bonus away from defaulting on your huge mortgage and acting like an a**hole in the meantime. The true meaning of diversity comes from class, not skin color. If yo travel almost anywhere, there is diverse skin color AND diverse socioeconomics. Teach them well and they will live well. This is not limited to name brands.

A shame more people in this are are supposed to be smart, but do not realize this crucial piece of information about every day life.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not all about "things." We have the money to buy things so we buy nice things. Therefore, the kids' (teens) things are all nice: Ugg, Northface, Starbucks, Tiffany, etc, nice vacations, nice cars, all Apple everything etc, etc. If the kids are nice and compassionate and thankful, then having all nice things does not make them entitled. I think it may mean just that their parents have plenty of money.

I guarantee your kids are probably bratty if they have all of those things all the time. Having all nice things ALL the time does make someone entitled. I know many parents with "plenty of money" (probably more than you have) who do not give their children all of those things.

I have to agree. My kids get nice vacation only bc we take nice vacations as a family. All the other stuff they get only as special treats (XMas/Birthday) or bc they earned it in some other way. BTW, I have an anquaintance who has a 12 yo with a few pairs of Uggs. One day I was at their house (bday party) and my 2 yo stepped on one that was by the front. The girl got down to eye level with my child and yelled "I know you are not stepping on my Uggs!" I was speechless - that is entitled.

Thank goodness there are other sane people on this thread! I love I get written off as 'cheap'. Anyone knows me--knows that I am generous to a fault when it comes to picking up a tab or helping a family member in need, etc. Not giving into a 4-year old's request for an X-box is apparently cheap on this board...or denying your pre-teen daughter a Tiffany's neckalace. We also take nice vacations because we work hard and they are a treat to our family....h*ll I take the whole month of August off each year to go North to the beach.

The other posters brand identification is sickening. I do know kids like this. The parents think they are angels. I have had a third grade one in my backseat (whe has her own ipad, tiffany jewelry, etc. etc) tell another kid her house was bigger than his, she's been to Italy 10 times and doesn't do the outer banks, "I only stay at the Ritz". I am not making this sh*t up. The parents always describe her as so modest and thankful. I hate to see her by HS and I feel for her future husband.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not all about "things." We have the money to buy things so we buy nice things. Therefore, the kids' (teens) things are all nice: Ugg, Northface, Starbucks, Tiffany, etc, nice vacations, nice cars, all Apple everything etc, etc. If the kids are nice and compassionate and thankful, then having all nice things does not make them entitled. I think it may mean just that their parents have plenty of money.

I guarantee your kids are probably bratty if they have all of those things all the time. Having all nice things ALL the time does make someone entitled. I know many parents with "plenty of money" (probably more than you have) who do not give their children all of those things.

I have to agree. My kids get nice vacation only bc we take nice vacations as a family. All the other stuff they get only as special treats (XMas/Birthday) or bc they earned it in some other way. BTW, I have an anquaintance who has a 12 yo with a few pairs of Uggs. One day I was at their house (bday party) and my 2 yo stepped on one that was by the front. The girl got down to eye level with my child and yelled "I know you are not stepping on my Uggs!" I was speechless - that is entitled.

I think you need to look up the definition of entitled. The girl you describe has no manners and is rude. Totally independent of the fact that the shoes were Uggs. She could still be entitled, but you gave a poor example.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not all about "things." We have the money to buy things so we buy nice things. Therefore, the kids' (teens) things are all nice: Ugg, Northface, Starbucks, Tiffany, etc, nice vacations, nice cars, all Apple everything etc, etc. If the kids are nice and compassionate and thankful, then having all nice things does not make them entitled. I think it may mean just that their parents have plenty of money.

I guarantee your kids are probably bratty if they have all of those things all the time. Having all nice things ALL the time does make someone entitled. I know many parents with "plenty of money" (probably more than you have) who do not give their children all of those things.

I have to agree. My kids get nice vacation only bc we take nice vacations as a family. All the other stuff they get only as special treats (XMas/Birthday) or bc they earned it in some other way. BTW, I have an anquaintance who has a 12 yo with a few pairs of Uggs. One day I was at their house (bday party) and my 2 yo stepped on one that was by the front. The girl got down to eye level with my child and yelled "I know you are not stepping on my Uggs!" I was speechless - that is entitled.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not all about "things." We have the money to buy things so we buy nice things. Therefore, the kids' (teens) things are all nice: Ugg, Northface, Starbucks, Tiffany, etc, nice vacations, nice cars, all Apple everything etc, etc. If the kids are nice and compassionate and thankful, then having all nice things does not make them entitled. I think it may mean just that their parents have plenty of money.

If you are this focused on labels and brand names, then I guarantee you your kids are "entitled." It has less to do with what you're giving them, than what you're teaching them.

Not really. There's no "focus" on these things and we're not "teaching" them anything except maybe choose quality over crap. DH and I grew up with crappy things and we don't want crappy things now. And, btw, you can't "guarantee" anything.

By buying your children jewelry from Tiffany, you are not teaching them to "choose quality over crap". You are teaching them to choose a recognizable logo and name brand that is not worth the money you pay for it. I feel for the man who one day has to buy and engagement ring for your DD.

You are right, nothing is a guarantee. But, I am still willing to bet that your children are bratty.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As someone that grew up with wealth and currently earns my own wealth I've seen many people with new money that are far too conservative. Frankly I would say they are ungenerous and cheap with their own children and family. What they don't realize is that they are teaching their children to be ungenerous and cheap. There is a balance and I think far too many people fret about this way too much. If you have money, spend it and teach your kids to spend it in a sensible fashion. How to manage wealth, finances, budget are much more important lessons than swinging the total opposite direction.

You are missing the point of the article and the posts above you. The entitlement comes from giving them everything they want without teaching any of the lessons---budget, finances, generosity, etc. They snotty kids I know are want for nothing, braggarts and self-absorbed. They are kids that have never heard the word 'no'. There is a lot to be learned for having to work for something.

My point was that people hide behind this mantra to explain why they themselves are ungenerous. Kids learn as much by working, which needs to be age-appropriate, as they do by watching how their parents act with regards to other people and finances. If you are cheap, your kids will either be cheap like you or hate you for it and be generous (maybe to a fault). If you manage your money well, are generous to others, and teach them important financial lessons throughout life they will be much better off in the long run.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As someone that grew up with wealth and currently earns my own wealth I've seen many people with new money that are far too conservative. Frankly I would say they are ungenerous and cheap with their own children and family. What they don't realize is that they are teaching their children to be ungenerous and cheap. There is a balance and I think far too many people fret about this way too much. If you have money, spend it and teach your kids to spend it in a sensible fashion. How to manage wealth, finances, budget are much more important lessons than swinging the total opposite direction.

Did your kid like his sundae?

What is the problem here? Pretty sure if the first poster here is calling for "balance" that means there is no $1000 in the picture.

Anonymous wrote:As someone that grew up with wealth and currently earns my own wealth I've seen many people with new money that are far too conservative. Frankly I would say they are ungenerous and cheap with their own children and family. What they don't realize is that they are teaching their children to be ungenerous and cheap. There is a balance and I think far too many people fret about this way too much. If you have money, spend it and teach your kids to spend it in a sensible fashion. How to manage wealth, finances, budget are much more important lessons than swinging the total opposite direction.

Totally agree. "Going without" doesn't make your kids compassionate, kind, un-brattay or not entitled. "Rich with nice things" does not equal "entitled."

Anonymous wrote:As someone that grew up with wealth and currently earns my own wealth I've seen many people with new money that are far too conservative. Frankly I would say they are ungenerous and cheap with their own children and family. What they don't realize is that they are teaching their children to be ungenerous and cheap. There is a balance and I think far too many people fret about this way too much. If you have money, spend it and teach your kids to spend it in a sensible fashion. How to manage wealth, finances, budget are much more important lessons than swinging the total opposite direction.

Did your kid like his sundae?

Anonymous wrote:As someone that grew up with wealth and currently earns my own wealth I've seen many people with new money that are far too conservative. Frankly I would say they are ungenerous and cheap with their own children and family. What they don't realize is that they are teaching their children to be ungenerous and cheap. There is a balance and I think far too many people fret about this way too much. If you have money, spend it and teach your kids to spend it in a sensible fashion. How to manage wealth, finances, budget are much more important lessons than swinging the total opposite direction.

You are missing the point of the article and the posts above you. The entitlement comes from giving them everything they want without teaching any of the lessons---budget, finances, generosity, etc. They snotty kids I know are want for nothing, braggarts and self-absorbed. They are kids that have never heard the word 'no'. There is a lot to be learned for having to work for something.

As someone that grew up with wealth and currently earns my own wealth I've seen many people with new money that are far too conservative. Frankly I would say they are ungenerous and cheap with their own children and family. What they don't realize is that they are teaching their children to be ungenerous and cheap. There is a balance and I think far too many people fret about this way too much. If you have money, spend it and teach your kids to spend it in a sensible fashion. How to manage wealth, finances, budget are much more important lessons than swinging the total opposite direction.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not all about "things." We have the money to buy things so we buy nice things. Therefore, the kids' (teens) things are all nice: Ugg, Northface, Starbucks, Tiffany, etc, nice vacations, nice cars, all Apple everything etc, etc. If the kids are nice and compassionate and thankful, then having all nice things does not make them entitled. I think it may mean just that their parents have plenty of money.

If you are this focused on labels and brand names, then I guarantee you your kids are "entitled." It has less to do with what you're giving them, than what you're teaching them.

+1. I wanted to throw up when I read that post.

DH and I came from very modest backgrounds. We have tons of $ now. That fact I try to keep from my kids as much as possible. They don't get everything they ask for (in fact they don't get most of what they ask for) even though we could pretty much afford to buy them anything they want.

At a very young age- we teach compassion and empathy. We teach just because 'so and so' has it doesn't mean you will get it or need it. We teach them self-confidence and pride which does not come from material things, but comes from doing something. We teach the act of doing chores or earning things and saving $- not spending it. We teach helping/giving to those less fortunate. We try to teach a world view. We tell them how lucky they are to live where they do and how some kids don't have the basics.

They feel safe, but not entitled. DH and I are very modest people and not into impressing the Joneses. I think this is raising reasonable kids. Growing up--my siblings and I had summer jobs because we were expected to help pay for college. Looking back--the sum we contributed was paltry. I did not realize it at the time. My parents did pay for my tuition, but I always had a job for my own spending money and for clothes outside the basics, e.g., more expensive, etc. we weren't given frivolous gifts for things that should be expected of kids in the first place, e.g., studying, doing their best in school, graduating from HS.

DH and I struggle since we did not grow up in wealth--we don't want to raise bratty, self-entitled kids. Our kids were taught to say 'please' and 'thank you' before they could barely form a word. They see us treat everyone with the same level of respect and dignity. We are not snotty or haughty to checkout ppl, or waitstaff , etc (like I see in this area all of the time!!)<. They say hello and chat with everyone. I sometimes thinks we need to get the h*ll out of this area the older our kids get. We run into so many snotty, self-entitled kids and parents that areeven worse! We saw one chew out the face painting lady at kids' night at Silver Diner for godsake.

Anonymous wrote:Am I the only one that thinks the article sounds patronizing? The crutch of the article is if you have money, don't spend it on your children because they will be spoiled brats. I grew up in an upper-middle class family and we had more than most people. That being said, I have held a job everyday since I was 15 even had 3 jobs in college. I am self sufficient and don't rely on my parents or others for support. Yet, my BIL and SIL who grew up in poverty rely heavily on their parents to support them and have never been self-sufficient.

This argument is not about money, its about values. Welfare generations in the US and Europe are a good example of people who are basically destitute, but are entitled to their benefits.

In other words I completely disagree that this is about money or material wealth. I think this is about culture and work ethic.

Right. I have to clip coupons so my kids won't be bratty? I see lots of bratty kids at Target.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not all about "things." We have the money to buy things so we buy nice things. Therefore, the kids' (teens) things are all nice: Ugg, Northface, Starbucks, Tiffany, etc, nice vacations, nice cars, all Apple everything etc, etc. If the kids are nice and compassionate and thankful, then having all nice things does not make them entitled. I think it may mean just that their parents have plenty of money.

If you are this focused on labels and brand names, then I guarantee you your kids are "entitled." It has less to do with what you're giving them, than what you're teaching them.

Not really. There's no "focus" on these things and we're not "teaching" them anything except maybe choose quality over crap. DH and I grew up with crappy things and we don't want crappy things now. And, btw, you can't "guarantee" anything.

PP, exactly. More people need to learn the definition of humility. The most truly intelligent, accomplished, moneyed people I know are also the most generous (not giving out money, but hopefully you get what I mean), kind, fun, light and self deprecating. You don't usually see that here. Too much pretentiousness is actually a red flag that someone is covering up and not what they pretend to be. Posers, if you will.