Anonymous
Post 02/17/2012 08:24     Subject: Re:Can men and women just be friends?
Anonymous wrote:So if there is mutual attraction then it's better to stay FAR away from eachother?? Can an attraction be put aside, so the friendship can be kept?


I am friends with men I've had serious relationships with in the past. I'm also friends with men who I am extremely attracted to. Some of those attractive men are also attracted to me. I do not believe that this in and of itself indicates that my marriage is on the rocks or any of the other things that many PPs would say. You have to WANT to be a cheater. You have to be missing something in your marriage. I have no interest in cheating on my husband with one of my attractive male friends and therefore, I'm not going to.

I think that if I found out that one of my male friends wanted to initiate an affair, I would no longer be able to be friends with him - not because of the tension, but because it would then be clear to me that he did not respect me, my values, my decision making or my relationship. That is not the kind of person I'd want to be friends with anyway, and I think there's a big difference between that scenario and thinking someone of the opposite sex that you are friends with is sexy. I think Colin Firth is sexy but I'm as likely to have an affair with him as I am with any of the men I'm friends with who I also think are sexy.

If both people are confident in their relationship status (single, coupled, gay, straight, whatever), then it doesn't really matter what gender they are or how attractive they find each other. Like I said, you have to WANT to be a cheater.
Anonymous
Post 02/17/2012 07:26     Subject: Can men and women just be friends?
Anonymous wrote:There is a danger zone at first, but if you control yourself through that, you settle into the brother zone. Then it works great.[/quote

Married female here. Guy friends are cool to have in my opinion, they are so much different than female, BUT I don't have any, cause even though I try to keep it clean and JUST on a friend level. They ALWAYS flirt!! And we all know what flirting leads to.
Anonymous
Post 02/16/2012 21:53     Subject: Can men and women just be friends?
There is a danger zone at first, but if you control yourself through that, you settle into the brother zone. Then it works great.
Anonymous
Post 02/16/2012 18:23     Subject: Re:Can men and women just be friends?
Yes, men and women can be friends of course and I agree it does help if you were friends before getting married. However, being really close BFFs and spending a lot of time hanging with a guy friend alone to me is not an option. I hang out with my male friends in groups or around my husband. It's not the same as with my girlfriends where they can just come over alone with a bottle of wine and we sit around chatting.
Anonymous
Post 02/15/2012 04:05     Subject: Can men and women just be friends?
I'm a single guy and it's valuable to have female friends because they'll invite you to things where you can meet their friends...it's a great way to meet girls.
Anonymous
Post 02/14/2012 13:50     Subject: Can men and women just be friends?
I think you can certainly stay friends with friends of the opposite sex that you had before your spouse. As for making new friends of the opposite sex, I think it depends. Are these friends that you usually hang out with in a group? That seems fine. Are they a friend you see once in a while, or a friend that you do things with with both of your kids? That seems ok too. However, if they are a new friend that you are seeing frequently without other friends or kids around, that seems unsual to me.
Anonymous
Post 02/14/2012 13:47     Subject: Re:Can men and women just be friends?
So if there is mutual attraction then it's better to stay FAR away from eachother?? Can an attraction be put aside, so the friendship can be kept?
Anonymous
Post 02/13/2012 02:19     Subject: Can men and women just be friends?
Some people don't drink, some people do drink, some people can not stop drinking. Is it fair to say that no one should drink because some can't stop drinking? Or is it fair to assume that because someone is at a bar that they are drinking.... No because everyone is different.

Just because some people do not respect the boundaries does not mean that everyone can not respect the boundaries.






Anonymous
Post 02/12/2012 23:47     Subject: Can men and women just be friends?
If they were going out for cosmos, yeah, you didn't have much to worry about.
Anonymous
Post 02/12/2012 22:20     Subject: Re:Can men and women just be friends?
You can be "friendly," but not "just friends."

I am friendly with women at work. I tried to become friends when I wanted something more. I'm married now, so I am friendly with women. I say hello when I get to work and pass them in the hall. I ask how's it going when I see moms I know at the playground. I wave when I drive by and they're unloading their cars.

My wife has one guy "friend" from college. He came out of the closet this year and moved in with his boyfriend. My wife was shocked, but I had been telling her for five years the guy was gay. Why else would I let her go out for cosmos after work with him?
Anonymous
Post 02/10/2012 16:43     Subject: Can men and women just be friends?
Anonymous wrote:Wife here, my husband cheated, I found out it was somebody I know, he says she 's just a friend and nothing more, if she's just a friend, why can't men introduced their friends to there wives



Sorry.
Anonymous
Post 02/10/2012 15:09     Subject: Can men and women just be friends?
Wife here, my husband cheated, I found out it was somebody I know, he says she 's just a friend and nothing more, if she's just a friend, why can't men introduced their friends to there wives
Anonymous
Post 02/07/2012 13:13     Subject: Re:Can men and women just be friends?
Ofcourse, if platonic friendship is what BOTH of them want. You also have to be able to judge your opposite sex friendships on how the level of intimacy you share with them compares with what you share with your mate.
Anonymous
Post 02/07/2012 12:59     Subject: Re:Can men and women just be friends?
Anonymous wrote:I am so glad that I do not run in the segregated circles of some of the PPs. Yes, men and women can just be friends. I love my husband. We've been together for ten years and have a beautiful child together. We chose each other from all our acquaintances to make a life and grow old together. My male friends - the ones from before DH, the ones from after, the ones who are married, single, divorced, gay or straight - have nothing to do with my marriage. Some of them are attractive. Some of them are even people I have dated in the past. DH has friends who are women too. I think that the trick is to be secure in your marriage and be friends with people who are secure in theirs.


I completely agree. I also have male friends from all categories, including one I dated four years before I met my husband, and my DH is fine with that. I chose my DH for a reason. I also agree that if insecurities and attraction (physical or emotional) come into play, then the friendship won't work.
Anonymous
Post 02/07/2012 10:50     Subject: Re:Can men and women just be friends?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:I am so glad that I do not run in the segregated circles of some of the PPs. Yes, men and women can just be friends. I love my husband. We've been together for ten years and have a beautiful child together. We chose each other from all our acquaintances to make a life and grow old together. My male friends - the ones from before DH, the ones from after, the ones who are married, single, divorced, gay or straight - have nothing to do with my marriage. Some of them are attractive. Some of them are even people I have dated in the past. DH has friends who are women too. I think that the trick is to be secure in your marriage and be friends with people who are secure in theirs.


In theory this sounds easy but I think it gets more complicated for some people when insecurities start to show up.


In that case, I would say that the friendships are not the problem.