Anonymous
01/31/2012 15:58
Subject: Do you ever get a really strong urge to hit your kids?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:if you feel that you probably were hit as a child right? Control it, you know better.
It only took 11 minutes for the first unhelpful response. Listen Judgy Unhelpful Poster, OP is controlling it.
I'm sure Judgy Unhelpful Poster got a little frisson of superiority out of her post. Surely that helps her get through the day. Banality of evil indeed.
Anonymous
01/31/2012 15:55
Subject: Do you ever get a really strong urge to hit your kids?
Anonymous wrote:Anonymous wrote:Yes. I was excessively beat as a young child (and an older child.)
My DD is almost 4 and it is soooo hard. I try very hard to not succumb to my urges, but I am not perfect. I would say I swatted her butt a handful of times and swatted her face twice (not that hard.) My husband was never hit. Not once. I cannot even imagine that. I strive for that.
We constantly make it known to our DD that we do not hit anyone. And, those few times I've slipped, I told her how wrong I was.
The FUCK? Red flag.
Not PP but red flag for what - becoming an abuser?? I think that's an overreaction. This poster was clearly remorseful.
Anonymous
01/31/2012 15:53
Subject: Do you ever get a really strong urge to hit your kids?
OP here again - I was also "beaten" occasionally as a child, mostly by my dad, and both parents used a lot of bad language (directed at us). But, as my sister says, "didn't we *all* get beaten to some degree? and besides, they weren't that bad...lots of people have it so much worse." i have always had trouble with this argument, and always wondered, is it true that this happened in *all* households, to some degree? after meeting my DH, I realize that, no, not ALL households...it didn't happen in his. and he is a saint when it comes to the kids...never, ever loses his cool.
Anonymous
01/31/2012 15:50
Subject: Do you ever get a really strong urge to hit your kids?
Hi, I am the OP here. I feel a little better knowing that I am not the only one who gets so frustrated and angry sometimes. A PP asked what was happening at the times that I feel like I want to lose my cool and hit DC. Usually what's happening is that both kids are either crying or somehow in need of attention at the same time, and older DC is doing something that she shouldn't, or doing something that makes more work for me (e.g., taking her shoes off outside in the wet, muddy grass)...and so then I have to put down younger DC, tend to older DC, and younger DC starts crying, and older DC is protesting me putting her shoes back on, and I just feel so angry at older DC. Or, older DC will just fuss and whine and cry for seemingly no reason, and I get down on my knees and look at her and ask calmly and compassionately, "what's wrong? how can i help you? did you hurt yourself?" and instead of answering, she just continues to wail. it frustrates me, because she's very smart and has the language skills of someone 3 times her age, so i feel like she should be able to explain to me what the problem is, and it frustrates me when she doesn't, and just keeps crying. but deep down, i know that sometimes, there isn't a reason, and they're just tired, cranky, etc. and can't put it into words. but in the moment, i sometimes get so frustrated.
to the PP who posted about losing her cool with her 16-month-old - i feel bad; i know you feel horrible. try to forgive yourself and try not to do it again. one thing that i have tried to do is, when my DC is getting me so frustrated, i just say something like "wait here a second, i have to go get your sweater from the other room" and then i go into the other room and put my face into a pillow and scream or yell, just to try to get the frustration out. good luck; i know it is very hard. also, maybe as DH to shorten his AM routine!
to the PP who posted about losing her cool with her 16-month-old - i feel bad; i know you feel horrible. try to forgive yourself and try not to do it again. one thing that i have tried to do is, when my DC is getting me so frustrated, i just say something like "wait here a second, i have to go get your sweater from the other room" and then i go into the other room and put my face into a pillow and scream or yell, just to try to get the frustration out. good luck; i know it is very hard. also, maybe as DH to shorten his AM routine!
Anonymous
01/31/2012 15:45
Subject: Re:Do you ever get a really strong urge to hit your kids?
Anonymous wrote:PP, you have to talk to someone about this so you don't keep repeating patterns. As you yourself can probably attest, this is how it starts. A spank there, a smack there and before you know it, you are re-creating the same household you grew up in. Those of us that were spanked can tell you how quickly our hands get raised, many times, it's not even a conscious thought, you just find your hand going up automatically.
Talk to a trusted source and if necessary, a therapist.
I agree- find a therapist. I was spanked a handful of times on the butt with a hand and I have never, ever raised my hand to my children. My husband was spanked with a belt and he has never, ever raised his hand to our children either. You can stop the cycle!
Anonymous
01/31/2012 15:45
Subject: Do you ever get a really strong urge to hit your kids?
Anonymous wrote:if you feel that you probably were hit as a child right? Control it, you know better.
It only took 11 minutes for the first unhelpful response. Listen Judgy Unhelpful Poster, OP is controlling it.
Anonymous
01/31/2012 15:42
Subject: Do you ever get a really strong urge to hit your kids?
No, but I frequently want a remote with a mute button that silences the god forsaken screaming.
Anonymous
01/31/2012 15:37
Subject: Re:Do you ever get a really strong urge to hit your kids?
PP, you have to talk to someone about this so you don't keep repeating patterns. As you yourself can probably attest, this is how it starts. A spank there, a smack there and before you know it, you are re-creating the same household you grew up in. Those of us that were spanked can tell you how quickly our hands get raised, many times, it's not even a conscious thought, you just find your hand going up automatically.
Talk to a trusted source and if necessary, a therapist.
Talk to a trusted source and if necessary, a therapist.
Anonymous
01/31/2012 15:35
Subject: Do you ever get a really strong urge to hit your kids?
Anonymous wrote:This thread could not have hit more close to home...
All day I have been in agony. This morning was awful.
DS is 16 months and is behaving atrociously lately. He gets into things he know he shouldn't - opening and dragging around the diapers pail, pulling the dogs tail, climbing up on the stove, throwing food on the floor, throwing bath toys/dumping cups of water on the floor during bath time. He has always done a few of these things in moderation but lately its been constant. And to make matters worse he cries ALL of the time....he never used to do this and when he did, we could get him to settle down by cuddling him, giving him a pacifier, etc. Now its SUPER hard to get him to stop. he won’t let me out of sight and cries when I leave for work or even leave the room!
The last 2 weeks have been really rough.
On my end things are going poorly at work for many reasons and I just feel dejected. DH is not super helpful and works late so I am on my own with DS for the nighttime routine.
This morning things came to a head. I was late for work and was rushed to get out of the house and was once again on my own while DH shut the bathroom door for an hour to get dressed, do the crossword puzzle, shower etc. Anyway DS wouldn’t eat and was crying and when I went to clean up dishes from breakfast he was throwing handfuls of cantaloupe on the floor, I told him NO! Stop that! Don’t do that! He kept on and before I knew it I reached up and slapped him in the face. I am horrified. He was shocked and started wailing. It left a mark. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.
Please know that I feel absolutely awful and am crying as I type this – I beg of you – do not try and make me feel worse. I just don’t think I can handle that right now.
I don’t know what to do – I wish this was the first incident but it happened once before – about 6 weeks ago. Not slap in the face but spank on the bottom.
And yes – I was 100% spanked as child – quite frequently. Always out of anger – my mom slapped me across the face, my dad hit HARD and on several occasions drug my down the hallway of our home when I was about 12. I am SURE this is why I react the way I do to DS but I don’t want to – I need to get in control and have patience but its seems like no matter how hard I try it always comes back.
I may have taken this post a whole different direction and OP I apologize. I am at my wits end and feel guilty and awful and overwhelmed. I don’t know what to do.
The only thing you can do is forgive yourself, and try harder next time. I would absolutely recommend looking into getting therapy as well. Think of it as getting a semi-regular brain massage: http://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/prof_search.php
Hang in there, honey.
Anonymous
01/31/2012 15:34
Subject: Do you ever get a really strong urge to hit your kids?
Anonymous wrote:Yes. I was excessively beat as a young child (and an older child.)
My DD is almost 4 and it is soooo hard. I try very hard to not succumb to my urges, but I am not perfect. I would say I swatted her butt a handful of times and swatted her face twice (not that hard.) My husband was never hit. Not once. I cannot even imagine that. I strive for that.
We constantly make it known to our DD that we do not hit anyone. And, those few times I've slipped, I told her how wrong I was.
The FUCK? Red flag.
Anonymous
01/31/2012 15:30
Subject: Do you ever get a really strong urge to hit your kids?
This thread could not have hit more close to home...
All day I have been in agony. This morning was awful.
DS is 16 months and is behaving atrociously lately. He gets into things he know he shouldn't - opening and dragging around the diapers pail, pulling the dogs tail, climbing up on the stove, throwing food on the floor, throwing bath toys/dumping cups of water on the floor during bath time. He has always done a few of these things in moderation but lately its been constant. And to make matters worse he cries ALL of the time....he never used to do this and when he did, we could get him to settle down by cuddling him, giving him a pacifier, etc. Now its SUPER hard to get him to stop. he won’t let me out of sight and cries when I leave for work or even leave the room!
The last 2 weeks have been really rough.
On my end things are going poorly at work for many reasons and I just feel dejected. DH is not super helpful and works late so I am on my own with DS for the nighttime routine.
This morning things came to a head. I was late for work and was rushed to get out of the house and was once again on my own while DH shut the bathroom door for an hour to get dressed, do the crossword puzzle, shower etc. Anyway DS wouldn’t eat and was crying and when I went to clean up dishes from breakfast he was throwing handfuls of cantaloupe on the floor, I told him NO! Stop that! Don’t do that! He kept on and before I knew it I reached up and slapped him in the face. I am horrified. He was shocked and started wailing. It left a mark. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.
Please know that I feel absolutely awful and am crying as I type this – I beg of you – do not try and make me feel worse. I just don’t think I can handle that right now.
I don’t know what to do – I wish this was the first incident but it happened once before – about 6 weeks ago. Not slap in the face but spank on the bottom.
And yes – I was 100% spanked as child – quite frequently. Always out of anger – my mom slapped me across the face, my dad hit HARD and on several occasions drug my down the hallway of our home when I was about 12. I am SURE this is why I react the way I do to DS but I don’t want to – I need to get in control and have patience but its seems like no matter how hard I try it always comes back.
I may have taken this post a whole different direction and OP I apologize. I am at my wits end and feel guilty and awful and overwhelmed. I don’t know what to do.
All day I have been in agony. This morning was awful.
DS is 16 months and is behaving atrociously lately. He gets into things he know he shouldn't - opening and dragging around the diapers pail, pulling the dogs tail, climbing up on the stove, throwing food on the floor, throwing bath toys/dumping cups of water on the floor during bath time. He has always done a few of these things in moderation but lately its been constant. And to make matters worse he cries ALL of the time....he never used to do this and when he did, we could get him to settle down by cuddling him, giving him a pacifier, etc. Now its SUPER hard to get him to stop. he won’t let me out of sight and cries when I leave for work or even leave the room!
The last 2 weeks have been really rough.
On my end things are going poorly at work for many reasons and I just feel dejected. DH is not super helpful and works late so I am on my own with DS for the nighttime routine.
This morning things came to a head. I was late for work and was rushed to get out of the house and was once again on my own while DH shut the bathroom door for an hour to get dressed, do the crossword puzzle, shower etc. Anyway DS wouldn’t eat and was crying and when I went to clean up dishes from breakfast he was throwing handfuls of cantaloupe on the floor, I told him NO! Stop that! Don’t do that! He kept on and before I knew it I reached up and slapped him in the face. I am horrified. He was shocked and started wailing. It left a mark. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.
Please know that I feel absolutely awful and am crying as I type this – I beg of you – do not try and make me feel worse. I just don’t think I can handle that right now.
I don’t know what to do – I wish this was the first incident but it happened once before – about 6 weeks ago. Not slap in the face but spank on the bottom.
And yes – I was 100% spanked as child – quite frequently. Always out of anger – my mom slapped me across the face, my dad hit HARD and on several occasions drug my down the hallway of our home when I was about 12. I am SURE this is why I react the way I do to DS but I don’t want to – I need to get in control and have patience but its seems like no matter how hard I try it always comes back.
I may have taken this post a whole different direction and OP I apologize. I am at my wits end and feel guilty and awful and overwhelmed. I don’t know what to do.
Anonymous
01/31/2012 15:22
Subject: Do you ever get a really strong urge to hit your kids?
I definitely have gotten the urge - as a PP said, it comes as a rush, usually when I'm pushed to the edge for a number of reasons (baby crying while the toddler is doing something or another that's extremely irritating, and I haven't slept and have a raging headache, etc). I feel awful when it happens, and I've never actual hit and only really yelled on one or two occasions - although there are times when I've probably grabbed my 3 yo's arm a little more forcefully than warranted.
I think / hope the feeling is normal. So long as I manage to keep in control I try not to beat myself up about it. Reading these responses actually makes me feel a bit better.
I think / hope the feeling is normal. So long as I manage to keep in control I try not to beat myself up about it. Reading these responses actually makes me feel a bit better.
Anonymous
01/31/2012 15:20
Subject: Do you ever get a really strong urge to hit your kids?
Yes. I was excessively beat as a young child (and an older child.)
My DD is almost 4 and it is soooo hard. I try very hard to not succumb to my urges, but I am not perfect. I would say I swatted her butt a handful of times and swatted her face twice (not that hard.) My husband was never hit. Not once. I cannot even imagine that. I strive for that.
We constantly make it known to our DD that we do not hit anyone. And, those few times I've slipped, I told her how wrong I was.
My DD is almost 4 and it is soooo hard. I try very hard to not succumb to my urges, but I am not perfect. I would say I swatted her butt a handful of times and swatted her face twice (not that hard.) My husband was never hit. Not once. I cannot even imagine that. I strive for that.
We constantly make it known to our DD that we do not hit anyone. And, those few times I've slipped, I told her how wrong I was.
Anonymous
01/31/2012 15:12
Subject: Do you ever get a really strong urge to hit your kids?
No. One time DS and I were playing a silly game on the floor and I gave him a playful tap (the sort you would give DH if he told a dirty joke that was funny, like, cut it out) and DS didn't understand that it was fooling around. His little face looked so crushed.
Anonymous
01/31/2012 15:11
Subject: Re:Do you ever get a really strong urge to hit your kids?
Yes. It (the urge to spank) makes me so mad. I never wanted to spank -- my parents used belts. And I wish I could say I never gave in, but I did a few times. 1, 2, 3 Magic has helped me a lot because it gives me an automatic go-to response when I get really frustrated. It's ingrained in me now to start the slow countdown, which gives both my son AND me the time and the cue to regulate our behavior. So I rarely get that frustrated anymore. I rarely get exasperated. It's not perfect, but it has helped me so much.