People, this thread is 2 1/2 years old!!!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like DH is a "people pleaser". He probably won't change. Was he like this before marriage?

You are not his #1 priority.

To be fair, people who have that people pleasing tendency are usually really hard on themselves for not being able to be everything to everyone. He may value you as #1 for sure but its hard to overcome a lifetime of this behavior. It becomes engrained as someone you ARE and not just things you DO. He has to be aware of this and actively try to change it to make things better for his life/ your family balance.

+1

I agree. The fact that he's a guilt-ridden people-pleaser doesn't mean you're not #1.

First, I don't see how he can work 80 work weeks. Is that 16 hours a day? yet you are complaining about the in-laws being demanding and not his job? Focus on where the issue actually is.

Second, kids might actually improve the situation. My husband used to work 50-55 hour weeks, not telling me when he'd be home. The daycare closes at 6pm everyday so he HAS to get there. Now he comes home consistently at the same time everyday.

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like DH is a "people pleaser". He probably won't change. Was he like this before marriage?

You are not his #1 priority.

To be fair, people who have that people pleasing tendency are usually really hard on themselves for not being able to be everything to everyone. He may value you as #1 for sure but its hard to overcome a lifetime of this behavior. It becomes engrained as someone you ARE and not just things you DO. He has to be aware of this and actively try to change it to make things better for his life/ your family balance.

Anonymous wrote:This is his problem, not yours. Don't stress.

your spouse's problems become your problems. what bad bad advice.

He might need to explain to them very clearly what his work hours are and what his days are like. That is a lot. Does he have to work that much? Consider a life balance between money, stress, health, family, his values, your values...

Just say No:

Also the book Compassionate Assertiveness is excellent.

You might also try:

http://www.amazon.com/The-Power-Positive-No-Relationship/dp/0553384260

Just googling "saying No" I found:
https://www.google.com/search?q=saying+NO&ie=utf-8&oe=utf-8&aq=t&rls=org.mozilla:en-US:official&client=firefox-a&channel=sb