Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"WHO CARES? I'm sure no one wants your gift that badly that they are going to be in some sort of fear that you will stop giving them if they don't send you a TY note. "

Then we're even. I'm more than happy to save the money and time, and not buy a gift in the first place.

You can't be even when you are the only one keeping points!

At least I keep my money and time.

Anonymous wrote:"WHO CARES? I'm sure no one wants your gift that badly that they are going to be in some sort of fear that you will stop giving them if they don't send you a TY note. "

Then we're even. I'm more than happy to save the money and time, and not buy a gift in the first place.

You can't be even when you are the only one keeping points!

"WHO CARES? I'm sure no one wants your gift that badly that they are going to be in some sort of fear that you will stop giving them if they don't send you a TY note. "

Then we're even. I'm more than happy to save the money and time, and not buy a gift in the first place.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My SIL never acknowledges anything I send her or her kids. So I stopped sending them stuff. It is never fun to send something in the mail and then worry that it didn't get there. Once I had a package returned to me because she was too lazy to pick it up at the post office. Who does that?

My parents leave the money from uncashed checks sent to my cousins floating around in their checking account as a "cushion"-- hundreds of dollars from birthdays, confirmations, graduations that they (or their parents) were just too lazy to cash.

WOW. Of course checks can't be cashed after 6 months anyway.

14:48 do we have the same SIL??

I don't care one way or the other if an adult doesn't thank me for a gift. But I think it is important for kids to acknowledge the thoughtfulness that others have shown them when they receive a gift. In 11 years I have never once received a thank you note, thank you phone call or thank you email from my nieces who live in another state. It's not their fault that their parents are allowing them to grow up with a sense of entitlement rather than helping them develop a sense of gratitude-- not just for the material things they've been gifted with but for the sentiment (I do love them despite their parents kinda being asshats) behind the gifts.

Anonymous wrote:If you can't be bothered to write a note, I can't be bothered to send a gift. I actually try hard to get the right gift for people and I put a fair amount of effort into it.

Exactly.

To the people who find it impossibly gruelling to write out a simple thank you note (and don't give me that crap about calling or emailing -- you don't do that either. Be honest.)

I don't see you bitching about the agony of sending out wedding invitations or birth announcements or birthday party invitations -- the snail mail that generates all these gifts you can't be bothered to acknowledge.

Next time, don't mail out anything prior to the event. Then we'll see how many thank you notes you have to write.

Not more sophisticated, I just don't engage in passive agressive behavior. Why would I send an anonymous stranger from the internet $500?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My SILs never thanked me for gifts- not verbally, written, email, text, nothing. I'd have to *ask* if gift arrived (just to make sure there wasn't a shipping problem), and even then, the response was "yes, it arrived." No thank you, nothing. We even sent both SILs $500 to put towards their wedding dresses- no thank you at all from either. No joke. I gave them about six years I'd say before I just stopped. I told DH that since his sisters never even remotely acknowledged the gifts I was sending, I was sending anymore. If he wanted to, his choice. Guess what, neither has received any sort of gift from us in the last 5 years.

They sound incredibly ungrateful! Dang, I wouldn't want to give them gifts either. Has either one complained about not getting gifts from you? Do they give you gifts?

They've never mentioned it- but I do continue to give their children gifts. And for the person who said that people who are "so hung up" on getting TYs in the mail must not be giving with the right intention: Tell me, you wouldn't be a little miffed to not even have a $500 check acknowledged in any way other than cashing it? Do I send gifts just to get a TY? Of course not. But I decided I was done sending SILs gifts after NEITHER even mentioned the wedding dress $$ to DH or me.

No, I would not be miffed, because I am not passive agressive, like yourself, I would have picked up the phone and made sure they got it. I then would have emotionally moved on and let other, more important issues, take up residence in the portion of my bain set aside for resentment.

Clearly you are more sophisticated and the better person. Thank you for clearing that up. And if you have an extra $500 you'd like to send in my direction, I'd be happy to not even acknowledge it.

Anonymous wrote:My SIL never acknowledges anything I send her or her kids. So I stopped sending them stuff. It is never fun to send something in the mail and then worry that it didn't get there. Once I had a package returned to me because she was too lazy to pick it up at the post office. Who does that?

My parents leave the money from uncashed checks sent to my cousins floating around in their checking account as a "cushion"-- hundreds of dollars from birthdays, confirmations, graduations that they (or their parents) were just too lazy to cash.

My SIL never acknowledges anything I send her or her kids. So I stopped sending them stuff. It is never fun to send something in the mail and then worry that it didn't get there. Once I had a package returned to me because she was too lazy to pick it up at the post office. Who does that?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My SILs never thanked me for gifts- not verbally, written, email, text, nothing. I'd have to *ask* if gift arrived (just to make sure there wasn't a shipping problem), and even then, the response was "yes, it arrived." No thank you, nothing. We even sent both SILs $500 to put towards their wedding dresses- no thank you at all from either. No joke. I gave them about six years I'd say before I just stopped. I told DH that since his sisters never even remotely acknowledged the gifts I was sending, I was sending anymore. If he wanted to, his choice. Guess what, neither has received any sort of gift from us in the last 5 years.

They sound incredibly ungrateful! Dang, I wouldn't want to give them gifts either. Has either one complained about not getting gifts from you? Do they give you gifts?

They've never mentioned it- but I do continue to give their children gifts. And for the person who said that people who are "so hung up" on getting TYs in the mail must not be giving with the right intention: Tell me, you wouldn't be a little miffed to not even have a $500 check acknowledged in any way other than cashing it? Do I send gifts just to get a TY? Of course not. But I decided I was done sending SILs gifts after NEITHER even mentioned the wedding dress $$ to DH or me.

No, I would not be miffed, because I am not passive agressive, like yourself, I would have picked up the phone and made sure they got it. I then would have emotionally moved on and let other, more important issues, take up residence in the portion of my bain set aside for resentment.

Clearly you are more sophisticated and the better person. Thank you for clearing that up. And if you have an extra $500 you'd like to send in my direction, I'd be happy to not even acknowledge it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My SILs never thanked me for gifts- not verbally, written, email, text, nothing. I'd have to *ask* if gift arrived (just to make sure there wasn't a shipping problem), and even then, the response was "yes, it arrived." No thank you, nothing. We even sent both SILs $500 to put towards their wedding dresses- no thank you at all from either. No joke. I gave them about six years I'd say before I just stopped. I told DH that since his sisters never even remotely acknowledged the gifts I was sending, I was sending anymore. If he wanted to, his choice. Guess what, neither has received any sort of gift from us in the last 5 years.

They sound incredibly ungrateful! Dang, I wouldn't want to give them gifts either. Has either one complained about not getting gifts from you? Do they give you gifts?

They've never mentioned it- but I do continue to give their children gifts. And for the person who said that people who are "so hung up" on getting TYs in the mail must not be giving with the right intention: Tell me, you wouldn't be a little miffed to not even have a $500 check acknowledged in any way other than cashing it? Do I send gifts just to get a TY? Of course not. But I decided I was done sending SILs gifts after NEITHER even mentioned the wedding dress $$ to DH or me.

No, I would not be miffed, because I am not passive agressive, like yourself, I would have picked up the phone and made sure they got it. I then would have emotionally moved on and let other, more important issues, take up residence in the portion of my bain set aside for resentment.

Dear people who don't think you need to send a thank you note,

Do you send thank you notes?

Respectively yours,
Someone who sends thank you notes

Anonymous wrote:See? This comes back to people being nice to each other. "Get a life?" That's unkind, isn't it? All I'm saying is that I find it sad that common courtesy things have gone out the window. I hand wrote every wedding thank you. 200 of them. I hand wrote every thank you for baby gifts. I'm no better than anyone else. I didn't get them done in a day, but I didn't just say "oh thanks" or send out an email, either. Maybe you don't care about thank you notes or the little pleasantries that are going away, but there are people who notice. Some of them will stop what they do if you don't reciprocate. That's all. No need to be nasty. Just accept it.

WHO CARES? I'm sure no one wants your gift that badly that they are going to be in some sort of fear that you will stop giving them if they don't send you a TY note.

Excuse the offense to Native Americans, but you are what is called an Indian Giver. That is simply what you are.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My SILs never thanked me for gifts- not verbally, written, email, text, nothing. I'd have to *ask* if gift arrived (just to make sure there wasn't a shipping problem), and even then, the response was "yes, it arrived." No thank you, nothing. We even sent both SILs $500 to put towards their wedding dresses- no thank you at all from either. No joke. I gave them about six years I'd say before I just stopped. I told DH that since his sisters never even remotely acknowledged the gifts I was sending, I was sending anymore. If he wanted to, his choice. Guess what, neither has received any sort of gift from us in the last 5 years.

They sound incredibly ungrateful! Dang, I wouldn't want to give them gifts either. Has either one complained about not getting gifts from you? Do they give you gifts?

They've never mentioned it- but I do continue to give their children gifts. And for the person who said that people who are "so hung up" on getting TYs in the mail must not be giving with the right intention: Tell me, you wouldn't be a little miffed to not even have a $500 check acknowledged in any way other than cashing it? Do I send gifts just to get a TY? Of course not. But I decided I was done sending SILs gifts after NEITHER even mentioned the wedding dress $$ to DH or me.