Anonymous wrote:I was gong to suggest a sensory issue but I see someone has already done that. My son was that way - overreacted to showers, bee stings, scrapes, etc. Flash forward: ADHD; sensory issues; anxiety issuer and high-functioning Aspergers. So if may not be just a war between you and your daughter. It may be just how she is reacting to what is happening to her. We solved the problem by washing son's hair in the kitchen sink - beauty parlor style. That was somehow more calming than having the water spray down upon him and then go down that "mystery drain". Yes, we had toileting issues too about the mystery drain. First American to create a toilet that doesn't flush down/ and bathtub that doesn't flush down will make millions. So many kids are terrified that they will be sucked down the drain.

Anonymous wrote:
Hi, I know this is long winded but IT WILL HELP!!! I do lots of baths when I babysit and have helped many kids through their fear of washing hair. These are the methods that always work. I have never had a child cry yet when I washed their hair. These methods are for kids who are truly scared though they will work with any kid who protests shampooing. I do not use any methods when wetting or rinsing hair that involve lying back in the bath water or under a faucet, I never in the beginning, use a cup to wet or rinse. (Later it is usually fine to use a cup but a sportsbottle works better. see below) The above methods are very frightening to a child who has a fear of hairwashing. I am very gentle scrubbing a childs hair as they tend to be tenderheaded and do not like or require a vigorous scrub to get their hair clean. If for some reason a child had paint or something sticky in their hair, I still rub gently just a little longer and the kids don't mind that when you are gentle I always reassure frightened kids before and during hairwashing. I talk calmly explaining everything I do. I talk about the bath and washing hair at dinner or earlier before bathtime to find out if they are scared. It gives me a chance to find out what scares them and to reassure them I won't get water and shampoo in their eyes and let them know my methods of accomplishing that. During the bath I am careful to listen and observe distress. One little girl was scared for a minute and started whining when I turned on the faucet for to rinse the bath puppet that I had been gently scrubbing her hair with. I reassured her I would not lay her under the faucet but needed to rinse the puppet . That is all I needed to say and she was fine. Now on to methods for helping your kids deal with their fear. First buy or make some bath puppets. Get extras so the kids have one each in the tub. Also make sure you have three unbreakable mirrors for the kids. Last of all when you shower and shampoo practice making soapy ears on your head, batman horns or whatever your kids happen to be into & oh yeah, buy some brand new tear free kids shampoo. The old bottle of shampoo probably brings back unhappy memories to the kids. Some kids scream when they see the bottle. Make sure you have a little extra time the fist couple of times you try the new methods of washing hair. You may want to call washing/ or shampooing hair something else eg, making bubbles, making ears, cleaning hair, anything that sounds different if the word wash,etc inspires fear. Now on to the next step. When you and the kids are eating dinner or out on a errand or just hanging out it is a good time to talk about your new fun way of doing hair. Explain to your kids that you understand whay they hate having their hair washed (or whatever you usually call it) and that someone has told you a way to have fun and keep the soap and water out of their eyes/face. They will want to know what it is. Show the the puppets first but wait until the bath to let them play with them. Next tell your kids that looking up and making coyote, dog, or wolf calls will keep the soap and water off their faces and out of their eyes. Demonstrate how to make a wolf call and watch the smiles on your kids faces. Show them how the water will go down their backs. Next tell them you will making them animal soap ears and they can look in the mirror. This gets the kids thinking of fun they will have. When you try the new shampooing methods at bathtime make sure you have a little extra time and are not in a rush. It does take a little more time initially, but not as much time as shampooing a struggling, screaming child. After your child trust you, it will not take any more time than for a typical bath and shampoo. The kids I sit for no longer pay attention to hairwashing but keep on playing in the tub with toys I bring for them. They make coyote calls and look up for me to rinse their hair but go right back to playing. We still make the occasional ears though. Washing hair will become fun and you will not have a stressful night with three screaming upset kids. For the kids who are okay after the shampoo- still a few minutes of screaming can wear on you especially with more than one child that screams. Once you have gained trust you can eventually use a sports bottle to rinse instead of the puppets which will make shampooing faster. Sports bottles are much better than cups because the water goes just where you want it and the kids like to play with it afterwards. Always keep your promise to keep water and soap out of their faces. In the case of occasional drips I quickly dry their face with a towel and say "look at that silly water trying to drip on you" using a silly voice. The kids may want to try rinsing different ways which you should encourage. Getting faces wet eventually won't matter. The kids who used to be so scared now love to dive and splash and don't care if water get's on their faces, they just don't like soap in thier eyes and let's face it, adults don't like that either! Kids who were very scared of washing hair afterwards beg for me to give them baths and make soap ears which I am more than happy to. the parents are thrilled too! Let me know if you need any additional ideas. I have shared this time and time again and it always works. Please share your experince and these methods with other parents to help them with their kids who are scared of hair washing.
Wishing you and your daughter lots of laughs
Harriet

Anonymous wrote:I'm at my wits end! My daughter has long hair but is scared of the shower/bath. She's 4 1/2 and a pistol! Need to wash her hair today but she refuses. She's more than half my size so strong-arming her is not an option (as my hubby has advised). I cut off TV, the Ipad, everything. Offered candy, the works. We haven't left the house all damn day because of this. I don't want her to win this battle but I'm at the end of my rope. And advice for getting an extremely strong willed girl to do what she needs to do?

Many days I feel like I'm the only one with this kind of daughter. I love her, but damn is she frusterating!! Please, tell me there are others out there, and please give any advice possible!

Anonymous wrote:I was gong to suggest a sensory issue but I see someone has already done that. My son was that way - overreacted to showers, bee stings, scrapes, etc. Flash forward: ADHD; sensory issues; anxiety issuer and high-functioning Aspergers. So if may not be just a war between you and your daughter. It may be just how she is reacting to what is happening to her. We solved the problem by washing son's hair in the kitchen sink - beauty parlor style. That was somehow more calming than having the water spray down upon him and then go down that "mystery drain". Yes, we had toileting issues too about the mystery drain. First American to create a toilet that doesn't flush down/ and bathtub that doesn't flush down will make millions. So many kids are terrified that they will be sucked down the drain.

Anonymous wrote:I was gong to suggest a sensory issue but I see someone has already done that. My son was that way - overreacted to showers, bee stings, scrapes, etc. Flash forward: ADHD; sensory issues; anxiety issuer and high-functioning Aspergers. So if may not be just a war between you and your daughter. It may be just how she is reacting to what is happening to her. We solved the problem by washing son's hair in the kitchen sink - beauty parlor style. That was somehow more calming than having the water spray down upon him and then go down that "mystery drain". Yes, we had toileting issues too about the mystery drain. First American to create a toilet that doesn't flush down/ and bathtub that doesn't flush down will make millions. So many kids are terrified that they will be sucked down the drain.

Anonymous wrote:Dear OP,

I hated, hated, hated (I still get upset when I think about it) having my hair washed and I am now 47 and still remember being just like your daughter at her age! This debacle started for two reasons. 1) I have an extremely "tender head" (combing and brushing my hair when I was a child was akin to the most visceral pain I can remember). I now understand some of why I had that pain (it's neurological and I doubt your daughter has this weird thing I have with health), but that was thing one -- it always mean additional combing and brushing.

Much more to the point and probably pretty likely: when I was 4, I got a horrid ear infection that for some reason I associated with washing my hair. I believe it's because I got water in my ear during a shampoo and associated the feeling with the ear infection. I was out of school for a month and was pretty miserable physically and emotionally (my mom was ill, so home was no fun), and I got it into my four-year-old head that washing hair=wet ear= ear infection=hell.

My suggestions are these:
first, ask your daughter (in a calm way when you're not getting ready for shampooing or bathing or anything else, why she hates having her hair washed.
be sure you get her a shampoo that has a detangler built in (Suave is an example)-if at all possible, let her choose the shampoo
if you haven't already, try doing the hair washing in the shower (less likely to get water in her ears)
take her to the beauty parlor and let a pro do it while she's sitting in the "big girl chair" and then, when you're at home, mimic that for a couple of shampoos (this worked for DC, who while not a shampoo terror, used to prefer much anything to hair washing)
finally, if all else fails, there are dry shampoos that you can use sometimes -- while you're waiting to take her to the pediatrician (because you really do need to make sure there's nothing in the ears or anything else physical going on)

Hope some of this helps

Anonymous wrote:Yep - I'm very petite and my daughter is adopted. Thanks to her great eating habits, she's going to be much taller than I expected!

Her head is fine, she says she's scared and it gets in her eyes. Now, we have done the shower in the past and I reward her when there are no tears etc. Don't know what the deal is today. I know she's exhausted being in daycare 5 days a week and we were on the go all day yesterday, so we will see. I tell her we will have to cut off her hair because its so dirty and it doesn't deter her. No joke, I NEVER thought I'd encounter this kind of fight from a 4 year old. I know it will serve her great later on in life, but damn, it sure makes for a LONG LONG sunday at home. (of course, hubby is traveling but that's another story in itself).

Anonymous wrote:I'm at my wits end! My daughter has long hair but is scared of the shower/bath. She's 4 1/2 and a pistol! Need to wash her hair today but she refuses. She's more than half my size so strong-arming her is not an option (as my hubby has advised). I cut off TV, the Ipad, everything. Offered candy, the works. We haven't left the house all damn day because of this. I don't want her to win this battle but I'm at the end of my rope. And advice for getting an extremely strong willed girl to do what she needs to do?

Many days I feel like I'm the only one with this kind of daughter. I love her, but damn is she frusterating!! Please, tell me there are others out there, and please give any advice possible!

Anonymous wrote:Yep - I'm very petite and my daughter is adopted. Thanks to her great eating habits, she's going to be much taller than I expected!

Her head is fine, she says she's scared and it gets in her eyes. Now, we have done the shower in the past and I reward her when there are no tears etc. Don't know what the deal is today. I know she's exhausted being in daycare 5 days a week and we were on the go all day yesterday, so we will see. I tell her we will have to cut off her hair because its so dirty and it doesn't deter her. No joke, I NEVER thought I'd encounter this kind of fight from a 4 year old. I know it will serve her great later on in life, but damn, it sure makes for a LONG LONG sunday at home. (of course, hubby is traveling but that's another story in itself).