Oh come on. We all know that kids aren't generally the ones agitating for donations to charities (unless they'v been steered in that direction by adults).

Anonymous wrote:It's too much like just asking for cash. "No gifts" is fine, as is returning, giving away, or selling anything I have given.

I'd rather choose my own charities, thanks.

Yes, and your kid may prefer to play with Legos, while the birthday child prefers Lincoln logs. Knowing that, would you still choose the Legos over the logs because it's your preference?

The donation to charity is a gift for the child, and not about YOUR preference.

And I am baffled by the logic that leads you to conclude that asking for canned goods the child won't use is equivalent to asking for cash?

What?

I have two reactions on the first level ok, nice maybe save a few bucks. At another level it just feels like rich people training their kid to run charity functions. I can't afford a party with 5 kids let alone 30 at the moment and I look at the gifts my kids can get from poor relatives versus the very nice large gifts well off friends get and I just feel frustrated. So OP yes it is nice you don't want to get more crap and maybe would rather direct to a needed place but it could feel kinda condescending to others. But that maybe the ugly class reality of this area. You are either well off or not making it.

It's too much like just asking for cash. "No gifts" is fine, as is returning, giving away, or selling anything I have given.

I'd rather choose my own charities, thanks.

Anonymous wrote:I would never, EVER say anything to the child / to my child / to an adult in the drop-off line, but ...

I would be irritated. I would bring a can of soup and play along, but this trend bothers me.

I'm tired of being hit up for Steve's favorite cause, and starting at age 8 doesn't make it more palatable. Coworkers asking for $ so they can Walk for Fingernail Cancer. Wedding couples asking me to buy part of a milk cow for a family in Mozambique. ALL of my friends' 25 year old kids hitting me up for $$ for the non-profits they started in order to look good so they can get admitted to a top-5 MBA program. Mustaches for Kids.

Enough. With the ersatz creative ways to ask me for cash and cash equivalents.

If Anabel's mom thinks Anabel has too much stuff, then 1. she should stop buying Anabel so much stuff herself the other 363 days a year. 2. She should say "your presence is the only gift requested" on the kids invite.

Done, boom. Anabel's mom, stop using me as a pawn in your quest to demonstrate selflessness to Anabel.

Interesting. This is what happens with too much information sharing among chirals who think they are snowflakes. Reminds me of using morning prayer to brag about weekend exploits to thank God for your good fortune.

OP, can you say more about why you have to have an ask at all? Why not just "no gifts please." What's the point of bringing a canned good?

I think it is smug. I dislike smugness. SO you guys are selfless and don't need/wish for presents? So? I'm not impressed. You sound smug.

OP here -- the answers so far confirm what I suspected. About 80% of our friends will think it's a fine idea, or not care one way or another. But a few people will be offended and find it annoying/weird/preachy.

Leaning towards doing it but wish I could find a way to let people know it's fine to bring nothing, too. Any suggestions for wording (from those who like the idea)?

What a strange world you live in...

OP -- I love the idea and wish I would see a lot more of it. I've actually never run across it, but would love to see kids who want to give rather than receive. 90% of the kids in this area (or about 99% of the kids who have parents on this forum) have all that they need and then some. How refreshing to encourage other kids to work together for the good of others.

I don't like this idea for many of the same reasons the pp's have already stated, but also:

If your kid has too much stuff, s/he has too much stuff. Have the birthday party with a "no gifts" request. As a guest, it is not my job to teach your kid a lesson about charitable giving or remedy whatever issues you have with kid cr@p in your home. I'm not the problem.

I dont want to be solicited - in any way - to come to your party. Your solution actually takes away some of the lessons inherent in going to a child's birthday party. Buying a present for someone else, trying to understand what s/he might like even if it is not what you want to buy, handing it over even if it is something you like and would rather keep, watching friend open it and react to it. There are good lessons to be learned here.

There are other ways to handle the kid cr@p - privately. You could not open the gifts (unwrap but not open) and donate them to toys for tots. You could return things that had gift receipts and use that money to buy items for a food bank or other charity. Whatever.

You could also skip the party entirely and donate what you would have spent on it to charity. Seems like that would solve the problem altogether.

Anonymous wrote:So some of you would rather buy a kid a $20 toy that they may not want or like than be asked to direct the same $20 toward food for people who don't have any?

That is some very bizarre logic and world view. I hope I do not know you. I get that you don't want to be asked to contribute to your co-worker's pet causes.... but complaining about an opportunity to teach your own kids about kids who have no food and being generous... that is very strange and a sad statement on your humanity.

I for one enjoy finding just the right gift for a friend, and I like having that opportunity to show my kids how thoughtful gift-buying works (see all the Christmas threads about adults who haven't mastered this concept). I also enjoy giving to charity. I just don't enjoy being OBLIGATED to give to charity. Being told to give to a specific cause is the same as being told that a kid has a "birthday gift registry;" it's greedy. You don't get to shop for your own presents, because it ruins the joy of giving for everyone else. Adding in the charity angle just skews the ick factor slightly from greedy to sanctimonious.

I think it's a dumb idea.

I really do.

I don't want to bring canned food to a kid's bday party. If you don't want gifts then do "no gifts" otherwise, let it go.

If you want to teach your kid about charity and giving to others, then as PP suggested have your child only give away or sell a bunch of their stuff for charity.

I think it is a great idea. Keep it something like the food bank which seems pretty neutral to me. For posters who don't like this do you have something against giving to food banks? Is it that you want to buy the child a present? Is it that you want your own children to get presents at birthday parties and your are concerned this trend will affect that? I am just trying to understand. Is giving to a food bank a bad thing? How is a food bank ... someone's favorite cause?

So some of you would rather buy a kid a $20 toy that they may not want or like than be asked to direct the same $20 toward food for people who don't have any?

That is some very bizarre logic and world view. I hope I do not know you. I get that you don't want to be asked to contribute to your co-worker's pet causes.... but complaining about an opportunity to teach your own kids about kids who have no food and being generous... that is very strange and a sad statement on your humanity.

Anonymous wrote:I would never, EVER say anything to the child / to my child / to an adult in the drop-off line, but ...

I would be irritated. I would bring a can of soup and play along, but this trend bothers me.

I'm tired of being hit up for Steve's favorite cause, and starting at age 8 doesn't make it more palatable. Coworkers asking for $ so they can Walk for Fingernail Cancer. Wedding couples asking me to buy part of a milk cow for a family in Mozambique. ALL of my friends' 25 year old kids hitting me up for $$ for the non-profits they started in order to look good so they can get admitted to a top-5 MBA program. Mustaches for Kids.

Enough. With the ersatz creative ways to ask me for cash and cash equivalents.

If Anabel's mom thinks Anabel has too much stuff, then 1. she should stop buying Anabel so much stuff herself the other 363 days a year. 2. She should say "your presence is the only gift requested" on the kids invite.

Done, boom. Anabel's mom, stop using me as a pawn in your quest to demonstrate selflessness to Anabel.

This is how I feel. I'll go along but feel slightly miffed.