Ive seen this at a wedding where a bridesmaid couldnt come at the last minute. One bridesmaid got 2 groomsmen. No one cared.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Demote a groomsman? Seriously? You can't imagine not having the exact same number on either side?

If the bride has any class, she'll front your expenses.

Not the PP, but yes: I can't imagine having a bunch of paired people walk down the aisle ahead of the bride and then a lone groomsman. Can anyone else but you?

Or, I should say, out of the church after the bride and groom since I guess the groomsmen wait with the groom.

Anonymous wrote:Demote a groomsman? Seriously? You can't imagine not having the exact same number on either side?

If the bride has any class, she'll front your expenses.

Not the PP, but yes: I can't imagine having a bunch of paired people walk down the aisle ahead of the bride and then a lone groomsman. Can anyone else but you?

Op, I think all the wackos that are allegedly saving decades in advance and booking the mayflower now for their 5 year old would be happy to have a MOH fund should someone decide to bow out and " ruin their snowflakes photos". Maybe you can google suburban meth moms living vicariously and see if a link comes up related to funding?

1818 here. Wow, that was poorly written. Sorry. What I meant to convey is that there may be two different issues.

1. If it is a close enough friend, you might be more willing to go out on a limb to attend the wedding. So if it is that, maybe there is a more suitable friend for her to choose as MOH.

However, if

2. you are dying to be in her wedding and are heartsick over this, you should be careful to explain it to her so as to convey that it's not your lack of enthusiasm for her, but your real world anxiety over being in the wedding.

Hopefully she can help pay or reduce costs or, if nothing else, allow you to back out.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The bride will get over it. I absolutely would NOT go into debt over a wedding.

Ditto, and I wouldn't take a loan or a gift from the bride to cover the costs.

I agree about the loan--no need to go into debt to be in a wedding party--but if it's important to the bride that that particular friend be maid of honor in the wedding, why not let that be a gift, if the bride and groom offer? Certainly it's rude to ask for expenses to be paid, but it's totally appropriate for the bride and groom to offer to pay the way of the maid of honor, and for her to accept.

agreed. we covered the costs for parts of our bridal party to participate in / attend our wedding because it was really important to *us* that they be there to witness.

Okay I'm going to offer a different view. And I'm NOT bashing you. But if my best friend or sister was getting married, come hell or high water I would be there by her side. I'm not saying that you're to blame in any way for this, but if it's not a difficult decision, and not something you'd be willing to put on a card, there may be an issue of your not being as close to the bride as she thinks, so maybe a better maid of honor is in order. That said, I have NO judgment for you on backing out. I was a bridesmaid in a wedding, of a friend I hadn't seen in ages, and the closer it got, the more it seemed crazy to spend that money on a dress and the travel to the west coast. If it were my sister, my best friend, it would have gone on a card and (within reason, of course, no thousand dollar dresses, resorts, vegas bachelorettes!) been figured as one of those things in life. It's not just a wedding, it's making a friend a priority.

Again, though, if you cannot afford it, you cannot afford it. So please take this with the grain of salt it is intended with. I'm not saying this to make you feel guilty, (refer back to fact that I also backed out of being in wedding and didnt' even have a job loss!) so much as to look at it a different way. Perhaps, instead of saying you cannot be a maid of honor in the wedding, you should tell her you're really struggling with the decision, and can you talk to her about it. Explain you're having trouble figuring out how you'll pay for it, it's causing you tremendous stress, and as much as you love her, you don't think you can afford to be her MOH. If she has the resources, she will pay your way. If she does not and still loves you, she'll try to keep things as low cost as possible. If she's pissed and you explain it as honestly as you can, run from a friend like that.

Good luck with your decision!

But the MOH should be careful that if she accepts the gift it is NSA...meaning the bride doesn't think she paid for the MOH and is therefore always entitled to MOH's time up until the wedding,

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The bride will get over it. I absolutely would NOT go into debt over a wedding.

Ditto, and I wouldn't take a loan or a gift from the bride to cover the costs.

I agree about the loan--no need to go into debt to be in a wedding party--but if it's important to the bride that that particular friend be maid of honor in the wedding, why not let that be a gift, if the bride and groom offer? Certainly it's rude to ask for expenses to be paid, but it's totally appropriate for the bride and groom to offer to pay the way of the maid of honor, and for her to accept.

I agree it would be fine to accept as a gift. I chose my maid of honor because she was the person I wanted standing next to me when I got married.

Anonymous wrote:Tell bridezilla no can do

OP didn't say anything about the bride at all, let alone paint her as a "bridezilla". Where in the world did you get this from?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The bride will get over it. I absolutely would NOT go into debt over a wedding.

Ditto, and I wouldn't take a loan or a gift from the bride to cover the costs.

I agree about the loan--no need to go into debt to be in a wedding party--but if it's important to the bride that that particular friend be maid of honor in the wedding, why not let that be a gift, if the bride and groom offer? Certainly it's rude to ask for expenses to be paid, but it's totally appropriate for the bride and groom to offer to pay the way of the maid of honor, and for her to accept.

Anonymous wrote:The bride will get over it. I absolutely would NOT go into debt over a wedding.

Ditto, and I wouldn't take a loan or a gift from the bride to cover the costs.