I just posted, but one more thing. Our friends - who are considerably more wealthy than us - are the people who have been there the most for us. When my husband was ill, they were my rock. They even offered to take time off from their very, very demanding jobs. Having more money does not make you less worthy of being a friend.

My DH and my income level has changed a lot in the last few years (down, up, down, nad now slowly going back up), so for awhile we were the friends on a different level. I understand the discomfort. People talk about money in such a different way - it can be like you are from two different worlds. Like when I offered our friends coffee (aka - make in our coffee maker) and they said "great, want me to run out to Starbucks and get some). They almost seemed amazed that I could make it at home (or that i would drink "coffee maker" coffee).

But as long as this other familiy is not talking down to you, I wouldn't let it stop you from being friends. Just feel free to speak up if the friendship leads you to start spending more money than you can afford (aka - she starts s uggesting activities that cost a lot of money)

When she talks about thinks like "flying private", heck I'd say "that sound great" and ask for stories. And then entertain her with tales of public flying.

Just go and have fun.

OP, I understand that you feel uncomfortable. I would too but consider this - you are judging your new friend based on her income. That's not really fair to her, is it?

Having been in this situation before, it has been my experience that the person who has less is ALWAYS the person who is uncomfortable and who considers severing the friendship. OP, I didn't read past the first few posts but I'm assuming that that is the case here. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE do not cut off your friendship with someone because you're uncomfortable with them having a lot of money. You could really miss out.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, how do you know how much they (or other parents) make? Also, if you have "hit it off" with that woman, and your daughters get along well, why would you search for reasons to severe the relationship? Do you fear something will come up that will embarrass you?

I am somewhat afraid that I'll break something super expensive in her house. Some million dollar vase.
Seriously, I'm more worried that my daughter will think, why don't we have all this stuff. Why aren't my parents this.....rich. I haven't been to her house, so maybe she doesn't have a huge one, but I am assuming (yes, yes) she does. And I don't want my daughter to think suddenly that we are poor.

I know. It's wrong....and it's bad.

In case any part of your first statement was serious, I doubt she has a million dollar vase out where it would get knocked over by playing kids. One of the things you learn fairly quickly is that stuff is stuff, and it all can break whether its a $1 vase or a $1 million vase. Would I prefer that my nicer stuff not get broken? Sure. But you can't be so enamored of your stuff that you are warning everyone to be careful every 5 minutes or that you throw a fit if a house guest accidentally breaks something.

On your second point, she may not have a huge house. Or she may. But she invited you to her home, and you should accept and learn to be comofrtable in any sort of place. It would be great to teach this to your kids, too. And appearances can be very deceiving. For the price of our not huge and not glamorous house in the city, I could get a huge house in Potomac. It's key not to judge a book by its cover and also not to care about how expensive the cover is. I try to teach this to my kids. Susie has a pool and a tennis court? How nice! Did you have fun at Susie's house? Good. I like Susie. She is a nice girl who seems to treat you like a good friend should.

I have a lower household income than a lot of my friends, mostly because I'm a single mom and they're either dual-income or just higher earners than me. (I do very well vs. the median income in the US, but the DC area is richer than most!) We have playdates all the time with my richer friends. Doesn't bother me in the slightest. Yes, their $1M+ houses are bigger and nicer than mine. But mine's clean and stocked with toys, with plenty of play space, and we offer the same juiceboxes and snacks, and we're walking distance to a great park.

don't let insecurity about money get in the way of good friendships, OP. Chances are if the kids are young, the house will be relatively child-proofed anyway and expensive Ming Dynasty vases will be out-of-the-way and harder to break.

I really hope you are coming over to our house. We live in a very small older home, drive an older car and do not have the latest fashions but I am willing to bet we make more money than you and live a better life than you. Perhaps if we become better friends we would invite you to our beach house that you would be shocked we own without a mortgage or perhaps my husband's family lake fromt home at Deep Creek. But I guess you will never know seeing you go through the school directory and goolge our address so you can see what our house looks like et.


Chances are you are a troll but people like you do exist.

I went to private school on scholarships and everybody around me had way more money than us.

I'm still friends with a lot of them and based on the way we grew up and decisions we've made throughout our lives I must tell you we're all over now... some are still rich, others lost everything and I'm right there in between.

You can only shield your child from the real world for a short while. The earlier she learns about such differences and leans from you how to be happy and comfortable with what you have the better. More than anything, my experience at that school taught me to respect my parents and treasure their hard work to provide for me and my siblings.

OP don't worry, obviously this woman is comfortable with you since she has extended an invitation to her home, encourages the friendship, and has come to your home. Relax and learn from this woman as she learns from you.

Meant to type dh not db

OP here - as serendipity would have it, she just emailed me to confirm. I wonder if she reads DCUM? Anyway, I’m going to go – because I guess I would feel silly trying to justify to myself later on that I didn’t because she had more money than me.

I think what really hit me was – I DO want my daughter to get along with different types of people - no matter what they are like.

OP, you and your db chose different career paths. Everyone is different: different pasts, different incomes, different races, different religions etc. Teach your daughter to be comfortable with her choices and herself. Take the first step put of your comfort zone. You might make a great long lasting friendship!

OP, don't cancel the playdate. Your child will find out soon enough that there are both richer and poorer people than you. You like her sense of humor, you're comfortable together. Give the friendships a chance.

This is SO silly. It's part of life being able to interact and get along with folks from all walks of life. FWIW, we have relatives that do very well financially --- big, professionally decorated home, fancy cars, fancy vacations, expensive clothes and toys, etc. Sometimes our oldest notices that his cousins seem to be living large --- and so what? My response is that his uncle works hard for the lifestyle his family enjoys and that they are very fortunate --- but that we are fortunate too. We have a roof over our heads and food on the table, and that makes us luckier than many other folks who are struggling. We're raising our kids to understand what matters most -- trying to avoid materialism and instead focus on the little things. But we certainly aren't jealous of what others have....that's just not cool.