My mom continues to buy me Christmas presents that I don't want or need and don't reflect my style at all, after I've begged her not to. She does so, and then needs financial support I can't easily give her all year long. I get why OP is upset. If your mom is wealthy, OP, ask her to make a donation in your name. There's not much to do about my mom. Every year she doesn't see beyond the desire to give - which I appreciate. But I don't like getting stuff I can't return or use, and then having to pay for it later, to the tune of loaning out money I'll never see in return, that I can't easily afford to loan out (HHI of about 120K). I'm sure that makes me a much bigger grinch / bitch than OP, but it is very frustrating.

This was my first Christmas without my mother, who died last spring. Get some perspective, OP.

If you don't think gift giving is a minefield, read DCUM at Christmastime.

We draw names and have a very low limit to encourage small-but-thoughtful gifts. But all the moms (siblings/SILs) still insist on buying "a little something" for everyone --,which pretty much defeats the whole point of it.

I think it comes down to this: some people like to shop and other people don't. If you like to shop, then going gift-free robs you of some of the joy of the holidays. So I say let the shoppers shop if they want -- but don't expect reciprocation.

Anonymous wrote:Yeah, you do seem ungrateful. Did you ever stop to think just because you do not want to give gifts it does not mean your parents feel the same way? You are your mom's child you will always be her child no matter if you are 40. Moms love to give to their children. (Most moms anyway.)

I agree that a mom will always want to give her child something. Why not let that be your gift to her, that you let her give you something and accept it graciously inside and out? Sometimes it's harder to be the recipient, but it's something you can do for her.

You don't have to give "crap". You can give "experience" gifts instead - gift certificates to a spa, play, restaurant; "certificate" to spend a day together or help an elderly relative w/ yard work.

I also find it weird not to want to do any type to of gifts w/ your immediate family - to me, that's part of the excitement of xmas...shopping for things I think they will like and getting to see if that pans out on xmas.

Wow, OP. So horrible that you will have to give those to Goodwill. I can't believe how put out you will be.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am just going to say it...I don't understand all the people on this board who insist on not giving gifts to family members on Christmas. I understand not going overboard but not wanting to give anything is just crazy to me....and quite frankly, I think it is out of laziness and not any other sugar spun reason.

I am the exact opposite of you. We don't give gifts to our family because we have everything we need and more "stuff" than we want. If not giving gifts, for you, is about laziness, then giving gifts, to me, is about crass materialism. But to each his or her own. It seems to work for us.

Why not stop buying all the crap? Why not get rid of all the stuff? If you want to live simply, live simply! Gifts are not what is sucking you down into crass materialism.

We get rid of all our shit, practice a bit of self-denial, then allow ourselves and our children the beauty and tradition of gift-giving at the appropriate times of year. And you know what, the less you have, the more you appreciate the gifts - even if they are not the exact thing you wanted.

my family does a secret santa for the adults. works for us. one modest present each (say, less than $100).

Your subject line is spot on.

Anonymous wrote:I am just going to say it...I don't understand all the people on this board who insist on not giving gifts to family members on Christmas. I understand not going overboard but not wanting to give anything is just crazy to me....and quite frankly, I think it is out of laziness and not any other sugar spun reason.

I am the exact opposite of you. We don't give gifts to our family because we have everything we need and more "stuff" than we want. If not giving gifts, for you, is about laziness, then giving gifts, to me, is about crass materialism. But to each his or her own. It seems to work for us.

I am just going to say it...I don't understand all the people on this board who insist on not giving gifts to family members on Christmas. I understand not going overboard but not wanting to give anything is just crazy to me....and quite frankly, I think it is out of laziness and not any other sugar spun reason.

OP I'm the first to say that the gift-giving madness has gotten out of hand. It certainly has in my DH's family. But this is your MOM, and it's one pair of freaking boots that might actually come in handy for you, or at least make some resident at the local women's shelter very happy. And your mom got to do what she wanted to do without hurting anyone. (Why do YOU get to dictate that it's a gift free Christmas, anyway?) You really do sound unnecessarily bitter, unless there's more backstory.

For reference, my MIL is nearly broke and she bought me over 10 different gifts, plus a stocking full of stuff, and 80% of it will never get used. I won't even start on the mountain of crap she bought my DS. But she's a grownup, and it's her money, and it makes her happy. We've tried directing her to better gifts or suggesting returns, and it clearly disappoints her, so we all play along and act happy. It's not that hard. I keep a few things so I can make sure she sees me using them, and donate or give away the rest. I think she's crazy but it's not my job to ruin her Christmas. Everyone wins.

Anonymous wrote:I asked my folks if we could do a gift free Christmas. Just a few things for the kids, and the adults just enjoy each other's company. My mom bought me Uggh (sp?) boots. I am forty. And I had to feign extreme gratitude.

I only agree with half of your post's title O.P.

WTF is wrong with some of these posters? I'm all for gift free holidays for the adults. We mostly do that. It's about people, not presents. We do presents for kids. OP is allowed to hate a gift. At least she pretended she liked it. Get a grip people. OP, you are not a bitch!