Anonymous wrote:RE: "Snarky" comments:

Last night I posted, "What a horrible tragedy" with this I guess OP's use of the word "numb" was the catalyst to post my comment. Anyhow, it was deleted. My little comment, which I'm sure OP could handle and maybe help her to put things into perspective was considered SNARK. Yikes.

I feel sorry for OP b/c I've been there. But I've posted some pretty harsh comments about the Duggar Duo, and I don't think comments are deleted there.

Maybe it's b/c we're talking about the Duggars and not some "neighborhood" poster??

FWIW, sometimes there's a fine line btw. being harsh and being cruel, and depending upon how thick-skinned you are, the line is blurry.

10:54 I think Jeff knows the difference between dark humor and outright cruelty.

jsteele wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't believe reasonable snark was deleted. It was funny! Whatever, slow snark night I suppose.

Get used to it. I am tired of the non-stop meanness that goes on around here. I am going to be much more aggressive in combatting it. There is nothing "reasonable" about making fun of someone whose only offense was working very hard to do something nice for someone else.

The complete lack of censorship is essential to DCUM's unique character. I am rarely gratuitously snarky but often laugh at mean things other people post. For example, several weeks ago I posted about a new dieting method and someone asked, "Why would I work hard in college to get a good job that pays me enough to build a nice kitchen only to eat like a Soviet prisoner?" I laughed so hard and still laugh every time I think about it. Please don't rob DCUM of that sublime humor.

RE: "Snarky" comments:

Last night I posted, "What a horrible tragedy" with this I guess OP's use of the word "numb" was the catalyst to post my comment. Anyhow, it was deleted. My little comment, which I'm sure OP could handle and maybe help her to put things into perspective was considered SNARK. Yikes.

How sweet of you, OP!

I'm sorry your surprise was blown. I know how you feel and I get pretty down about things like that too. I try to tell myself I'm being silly, but it does suck when you want something to work out a certain way and it doesn't. Anyway, y'all will still have an awesome time and I'm sure he'll really appreciate the work you put into planning such a nice trip for him.

jsteele wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can't believe reasonable snark was deleted. It was funny! Whatever, slow snark night I suppose.

Get used to it. I am tired of the non-stop meanness that goes on around here. I am going to be much more aggressive in combatting it. There is nothing "reasonable" about making fun of someone whose only offense was working very hard to do something nice for someone else.

Yea, Jeff!!!

OP- Half the fun of a trip for me is the anticipation of it. Now your DH gets something fun to look forward to! Also, you should call the hotel to complain about blowing the surprise- maybe they'll upgrade your room or something.

I have seen my husband's eyes well with tears only twice in our 10+ years. Once was when I saw an envelope in the mail from a resort where he was planning a surprise trip. I TRULY didn't know what it was, but like you, he had but so much effort into the plan, he was crushed to think it was blown. Either way, OP you'll both have an awesome time.

My husband would not notice if I grew green grass in our living room, is it possible he opened and thinks it was a mistake? If he does know, you have given him a lovely time to look forward to.

irritating, OP

but still a fun "non-surprise" nonetheless

I am with 23:22 - just pretend it is still a surprise. It will be more fun that way for both of you. There are never really surprises anyway between a husband and wife - there is too much overlap in the paths you walk each day. Whenever someone surprises me for my birthday (at home, at work, etc.) I always know and feign surprise because out of politeness for the people who went to so much trouble - and also because it is fun!! (And, someone who is bellyaching about the surprise being ruined is a downer, esp if it is still a great surprise, so don't be so depressed about it.)

Anonymous wrote:I can't believe reasonable snark was deleted. It was funny! Whatever, slow snark night I suppose.

Get used to it. I am tired of the non-stop meanness that goes on around here. I am going to be much more aggressive in combatting it. There is nothing "reasonable" about making fun of someone whose only offense was working very hard to do something nice for someone else.

I can't believe reasonable snark was deleted. It was funny! Whatever, slow snark night I suppose.

New poster. Hey OP, I'm separated and getting divorced and very sad and bitter. But I still understand how much work you put into the surprise. I admire it. It has nothing to do with starving children or whatever.

I know you're upset that the surprise is ruined, but he certainly knows how much time and effort and love you put into his birthday planning. You'll both have an amazing time.

Can you add some twist or other surprise at this point - I don't know if it's choosing another resort, or adding some special activity - or even leaving a few days early to surprise him? I don't know enough details to offer any ideas for your twist/surprise.

Hey. I'm sad for myself and my children, but not as bitter as I thought, after all! Ha.

so another approach is not to tell him - until you are leaving for the airport (can you pack for him?).

If he did read the mail - and put 2 and 2 together he is now thinking - hmm when is she going to tell me, how will I react. The longer you play it cool, the more he is going to think that maybe he misread something.