Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just wondering btw, what's superout vs out

Superout lesbians wear a purple cape.

Im not a lesbian but i can I be super out? I want to wear a purple cap

A few years ago I was doing one of those interminable waits in the Reiter & Hill office downtown. There was a cute lesbian couple sitting there -- one was about 7 months preggo. She had a t-shirt on with an arrow pointing down to her bump, reading "Who's your daddy?" So that's one way to approach it!

As a single mom (via donor sperm), I just want to throw out that to some degree your answer to all the clueless/curious people who ask questions -- and I believe lots of people get them, regardless of family composition -- will also be part of the story your son knows, if for no other reason than he is likely to be present sometimes when people ask these questions. So as tempting as it is to say "why do you ask?" or do the blank stare thing, I don't want my daughter to think there is something wrong or different in how she got here because I don't answer people with candor. She's still young enough that my answer is more along the line of "our family is a mom and a girl" than "I used a sperm donor" but we're starting to have conversations between the two of us about the donor and I imagine at some point relatively soon, at least in her presence, I might matter-of-factly say "I used a donor" so she sees/hears me handle it as no big deal and feels like she can do the same. I know our circumstances are different, but I do get lots of (usually well-meaning) questions about conception as a single woman and imagine you might encounter similar curiosity about your experience with a donor.

22:48 here - I felt somewhat comfortable asking who'd carried the boys because the one mom had just told me that that morning she'd said, "no more babies!" to the other mom when both boys were acting up. The question kind of fit, though I immediately apologized and said, "you don't have to answer that if it's too personal!" and the mom said, "not at all!" and answered me.

One thing to remember is that people ask dumb questions of ANYONE with kids. Its a very unifying experience across all groups. Our DD had blue eyes and blond hair. DH and I both have brown hair and brown eyes though we each have a blond/blue eyed parent. I have had several people ask me where the blue and blond comes from and two ask whether we used donor eggs.

8:08 HILARIOUS! But, I feel your pain. My partner (male) is also much younger, Definitely NEVER let the hair color slide!!!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just wondering btw, what's superout vs out

Superout lesbians wear a purple cape.

Can get that on amazon?

Don't forget the bad haircuts!

snort. OP here--I actually have long hair now because when it was short I didn't get it cut often enough and it kept growing into a mullet !!! All of my straight female coworkers complement me on my hair now. lol.

You'd be surprised what people will ask. Due to my wife's health issues, we had a gestational surrogate carry our twins. 90% of the time, the first question out of people's mouths when they hear we had a surrogate was "did they use DW's eggs?" Knowing that this might happen sometimes (we were on fertility and surrogacy forums before the twins were born), we did figure out how we would answer. We just answer "They are our children." But its' still amazing, how often people follow-up with "But, did they use DW's eggs?" Hm. If I really want to end that line of conversation with someone, I'll answer "You know, when it becomes your business to know, I'll be sure to let you know."

Do I ask how you conceived your children? Please don't ask how I conceived mine.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just wondering btw, what's superout vs out

Superout lesbians wear a purple cape.

Can get that on amazon?

Don't forget the bad haircuts!

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Just wondering btw, what's superout vs out

Superout lesbians wear a purple cape.

Can get that on amazon?

Anonymous wrote:Wow. I'm totally surprised that people in this area ask these kinds of questions. My cousin and her partner are in a much smaller midwestern metro area and their son is adopted (international) - no one asks them this stuff. Who asks someone how their kids were conceived??? Holy cow. Maybe midwesterners are more polite? Anyway, as an adopted person I've gotten similar kinds of rude questions my whole life (do you know who your "real" mom is?) and I'm with the "blank stare" or "why do you ask" posters.

PP here. I think the diversity in the DC metro area actually leads to more people having questions. And, unless people are interacting with a really narrow segment of orthodox liberals, I'd be surprised if they aren't getting some questions-they may just think the questions aren't a big deal/worth repeating.

The groups I tend to get questions from include:

medical professionals (this is really weird to me)
older gay folks
religious conservatives
immigrants from very conservative countries
random people at the playground