Anonymous wrote:OP, if the couple is in their mid to late twenties and have been on their own for some time, they may have EVERYTHING they need already. I recall an uncle asked us if we "had pans" - REALLY?!?!? I've been out of my house for eight years and you are asking if I have pans? WTH do you think? I actually had (and still have) an amazing top notch set of really rare professional (actually professional) pans, if you must know. Do I have to explain this to you or are you going to continue with your condescending manner? - is all I could think! I couldn't believe how little this family bothered (didn't) to learn about me. Still holds true, actually.

Don't underestimate (insult) the bride and groom. If you are not comfortable with their registry well, it's not your registry! Give them money or a gift card to where they registered and be done with it. Or better yet, don't go.

But don't let the green monster rear its ugly head - it is unflattering and extremely obvious.

Sounds to me like the uncle WAS trying to learn about what you wanted or needed, by asking. How else did you expect him to do it? You sound like you're completey full of yourself--"actual professional"!! pans. Whoppee.

OP, if the couple is in their mid to late twenties and have been on their own for some time, they may have EVERYTHING they need already. I recall an uncle asked us if we "had pans" - REALLY?!?!? I've been out of my house for eight years and you are asking if I have pans? WTH do you think? I actually had (and still have) an amazing top notch set of really rare professional (actually professional) pans, if you must know. Do I have to explain this to you or are you going to continue with your condescending manner? - is all I could think! I couldn't believe how little this family bothered (didn't) to learn about me. Still holds true, actually.

Don't underestimate (insult) the bride and groom. If you are not comfortable with their registry well, it's not your registry! Give them money or a gift card to where they registered and be done with it. Or better yet, don't go.

But don't let the green monster rear its ugly head - it is unflattering and extremely obvious.

OP, something to consider is that a couple in their early 20s doesn't know what they need yet - a lot of young brides will either go register with their moms (who may go over the top by registering for their needs not their children's) or will just register for everything on one of those knot.com checklists. They're registering for what they think they need not what they actually need. Whereas I got married in my early thirties and we had two of everything - we basically registered for things like a new set of plates (since we had two non-matching sets of 4), better pots and pans, barware and then replacements for older things that we'd had for years.

Of course, I also have a friend who at 30 got married with a $60 fork on her registry, so my theory may be a little off (she definitely went to register for things with her mom).

Where are you from, OP? I think part of it is an East Coast thing. I was flabbergasted when friends at work would talk about the money they spent on wedding gifts when I was starting my career in DC.

And as far as the couples having good jobs, etc., many of them probably also have hefty student loan payments as well, and many probably can afford to purchase homes because their parents gifted the down payment.

Give from your heart or don't bother going if you are so put out by the bride and grooms happiness and not needing you.

Give want you want. When we got married we registered for a bunch of stuff and got a bunch of stuff but I don't think I could tell you three gifts that I could identify the giver. Most likely, the new couple will not remember what you gave or whether it was on the registry or not.

Give from your heart and don't sweat it.

Gifts card...the next best thing to cash. The younger generation has absolutely no class. Sadly, our generation really sucked at raising our kids.

The best gift to give in a situation like this is a gift card to one of the places where they are registered. The couple gets great discounts, after the wedding, on the items that were not purchased from their registry. Or, just bitch about it.

OP, I agree with you. I think there is a sense of entitlement among today's 20-something generation that I find very offputting. It may be reflective of a generation raised on credit card debt and inflated expectations regarding material goods.

+1

Look at the size of McMansions and the need for a dual income to support the lifestyle. Expectations for keeping up with the Joneses have changed and the amount of "stuff" needed has kept up, too. These couples look around and see what everyone has and want/expect it, and the level of instant gratification.... don't get me started.

I think the wisdom we are offering is that stuff doesn't matter as much as it might seem to you when you're young and that patience is a virtue. OK, lecture over. I know you're not listening anyway. Now you can go back to the narcissism of the Wedding Channel.

The posts in this forum are whiney and boring. So much for the over 50 crowd being "wiser".

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:They also have no patience or desire to start small and make do.

Whatever happened to living with the ancient TV on crates-and-boards and the futon on the floor until you could afford the real stuff?

This.

And in the same light, whatever happened to group houses of young people who couldn't afford to live on their own, but teamed up in cheap row houses rather than live at home with mommy and daddy?

As a younger person (early 30s) crashing your party I can tell you there are tons of people who want to live in that kind of situation and not nearly enough housing to meet the demand. When I graduated from college in 2000 it took me about three months of constant (think open houses every day after work) looking to find a room in a group house on Capitol Hill.

OP, some couples set up better registries than others...and if you don't like what the couple has registered for, you're definitely not required to stick to the list. Pick something you'd like to give in the range you'd like to spend.

OP, buy what you want. Just because they registered for it doesn't mean you have to buy it. It is our families custom to give money, FWIW. Then we could buy off our own registry! Viola! Perhaps bride and groom expect one or two "group gifts? But to comment on someone else's registry is well, "not so nice class".

I know a particular bride or two that "dumbed down" her registry and chose to register at a store she would not have on her own accord. She went to a nicer store and chose what she wanted, then registered at a less expensive store so as to not insult the grooms family, who were raised very differently. What everyone recalls from the wedding is the brides IL's and how very mean they were about the bride having registered for nice things; and how offended (!threatened?!) the ILs were about the nice area where the bride was born and raised. I have known brides who go through SO much trouble, only to be bullied by "less than" ILs who really don't deserve such a nice bride in the family (the ILs themselves are truly inconsiderate, unlike the bride). "She does this, she does that...." OMG - Really!? DON'T be THAT nightmare IL! Show class and respect, and you will get it back by the hearts full!

Lots of people register for expensive stuff they want to bye themselves because they get a registry completion discount after the wedding.