How awful. And frankly, OP, I'd be concerned, as another PP alluded to, that if anything ever happens in your marriage that your FIL will do awful things to you along the lines of trying to get you to lose custody, like his threats to your BIL. Your DH sounds like a real jerk for agreeing to go along with this scheme, but I understand being kept under the thumb of a family patriarch. I'd suggest therapy for both of you, alone and together. Sounds like the father issue runs deeper than this one thing.

If it's just drama, I'd stay out of it. If it's conspiring and lying in court, I'd tell FIL that he must be crazy if he thought I would EVER do something like that. I would then tell BIL he had my full support if he needed witnesses. This kind of thing is exactly why my ILs think I'm a humorless B, but honestly it is just beyond my comprehension that any decent person would go along with a scheme like this.

I agree. I can't believe anyone would do this to the kids. How sad for them.

Anonymous wrote:You can't just be simply be called a "bad father" and given supervised visitation. The court doesn't give a shit about your opinion. You're not an expert. They care about facts. Stretching facts in court is perjury. If family members are willing to say they saw abuse because the guy with the purse strings told them to, the family has serious issues.

Why would you even consider perjury an option? Is FIL's money going to keep you from being prosecuted when the lies are exposed?

This.

Will FIL pay any fines the family members incur for perjury?

You can't just be simply be called a "bad father" and given supervised visitation. The court doesn't give a shit about your opinion. You're not an expert. They care about facts. Stretching facts in court is perjury. If family members are willing to say they saw abuse because the guy with the purse strings told them to, the family has serious issues.

Why would you even consider perjury an option? Is FIL's money going to keep you from being prosecuted when the lies are exposed?

16:04, the problem is that the FIL will likely get other members of the family to lie/stretch the truth, and a good father who's doing most of the work will lose his kids or get some sort of supervised visitation only.

I also wonder if OP and her DH are dependent on the FIL for their nice house or whatever. I can't see any other reason they're bending over backwards for this guy.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does your FIL have a lot of money? I'm guessing this is why everyone is willing to kowtow to him.

OP here, yes FIL has control of a lot of old money. He is scary. Unfortunately he is also extremely charming that is, until you get to know him. My DH is just trying to stay on his good side.

So, your DH is comfortable doing something he knows is wrong in order to placate his father, who controls a lot of money. He's doing something that is wrong for money. Isn't there a word for that? What is it again?

Oh, yes - prostitute. Your DH is willing to whore out his principles for money. Quite the catch you have there. Congratulations.

OP, however a small deal you think it is, it isn't. I would get to a therapist to deal with DH and his issues. Why? Because if anything ever happens with you, prepare for your life to be ruined.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does your FIL have a lot of money? I'm guessing this is why everyone is willing to kowtow to him.

OP here, yes FIL has control of a lot of old money. He is scary. Unfortunately he is also extremely charming that is, until you get to know him. My DH is just trying to stay on his good side.

Are you going to be asked to testify against BIL in court? Probably not. Put your head in the sand and ignore these people. Keep your children away from FIL as much as possible. Don't be tempted by the money.