From the OP: Thank you all for your replies, which have helped me see the big picture and the bright side ("more pie for everyone else!"). You've really gotten me into the hoilday spirit. I am looking forward to a day with turkey roasting in the oven, a fire in the wood stove, and board games in front of the fire -- as usual. All it needed was for me to hear how other moms have dealt with older kids' leaving the home and to be reminded of how fortunate I am that the reason for one family member's absence this holiday is not something more serious or sad, as other families have faced and face this holiday. Yesterday I went to Costco and checked off half my shopping list for ingredients. I hope you all have a very happy Thanksgiving!

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks for your thoughtful replies. Yes, even though my younger daughter doesn't like to celebrate special occasions without her big sister, I AM mindful that we not make her feel like a second fiddle this Thanksgiving.

Good question about DH: he doesn't like to decide things like this, leaving them all to me. I've asked about this Thanksgiving issue, and he's non-committal and unhelpful. This is his way of avoiding responsibility, as usual. This topic would be another thread, in the marriage forum.

And I couldn't imagine WHY on either would have learned these behaviors

Can you send her a care package before or after with some family favorites?

OP if your daughter has access to a kitchen consider sending her a recipe and/or ingredients to make a Thanksgiving favorite, for example a pumpkin pie.

Have a great Thanksgiving.

Glad to hear you're moving forward with the holiday, OP. As other PPs have pointed out, this will not be the last time that your family unit is not together for the holidays. Travel, other relationships, work commitments all play a part.

The family with a child in a warzone. Families who have to split holidays between in-laws. The child of divorced parents who alternates holidays. Or even, sadly, the first time you have a holiday when a loved one has gone.

It's trite but life goes on. Those celebrations will be different, and in some cases tinged with some sadness, but there's still much to celebrate and enjoy with the people that are with you.

Upside:

One kid gone = more pie for everyone else!!!!

Anonymous wrote:Just curious -- what program is she on? Is it a whole year?

I did a year abroad in high school and it was the best thing ever. Good for your girl!

Hi, OP here. I would love to identify the program, as I highly recommend it (and have talked it up in other forums), but I'm sorry I can't. Given that I have described my family as having two daughters and given that the contingent of students attending from this geographical area is very small, my naming the program here would be to identify my child in a public forum. It is a three-month program in a wetern European country. And, yes, I think it's the best thing ever for my daughter. I am so glad she got this opportunity, and she seems to enjoying it and making the most of it.

Just curious -- what program is she on? Is it a whole year?

I did a year abroad in high school and it was the best thing ever. Good for your girl!

Hi. OP here. Thanks for the suggestions of e-mailing or Skype-ing. My daughter is at a three-month program where the students have no e-mail, computers, TV, or cell phones at all. They have to hand-write their papers, for example. We telephone her by using Skype to lower costs, but she is talking on a teacher's cellphone and there is no video. We also mail letters, so we will send some photos of Thanksgiving dinner. I'm sure photos of the school's Thanksgiving dinner will be posted on their website, as all their other activities have been up until now.

Can you Skype with your older daughter on Thanksgiving day so you can all still see her and talk to her? Might help her younger sister who's missing her, and might be nice for older sister who's away too.

She's at a school where no email is allowed?

I say welcome to one of the first negotiations of adulthood. My third year of college i stayed in my apartment for thanksgiving, and after that went to my boyfriend (now husband)'s home. We've made adjustments for thanksgiving, Christmas, etc around the people involved. The show goes on.

Changing anything but the quantity of food, if the tradition of celebration is important to you, is a bad precedent to set.

Anonymous wrote:That's great op. Although I assume you didn't really get a turkey 2 weeks early since it would likely spoil before thanksgiving.

OP again. The turkey has a sell-buy date after Thanksgiving Day.