Anonymous wrote:This is from my friend who is 41 with two boys ages 5 and 3. Our conversation was about discipline. I believe that my job as a parent is to raise future adults. And kids need to be told NO once in awhile. My friend feels that NO is a bad word, and it is harmful to the egos of her little ones. Basically, I am not allowed to tell her kids NO, at her house or at my house. No matter what they are doing. I am just supposed to indicate to the boy that he is doing something inappropriate, and suggest an alternative. I just laugh and wonder what she will be saying in 10 years.

The thing that bothers me most is that she is telling you how to run your house. If a child or any guest comes to my house, I expect them to fit into our rules and practices. If I see someone else's kid doing something I don't like, I will say something. I am not going to be a monster or anything, but I will tell the kid to stop. If 'No' comes out of my mouth, then that is what I say. I am not going to be reprimanded by someone because they don't like me using a particular dictionary word.

That all said, I rarely say 'no', but I might say "Don't play in that room." "Stop running in the house", "Keep it Down".

Anonymous wrote:This is from my friend who is 41 with two boys ages 5 and 3. Our conversation was about discipline. I believe that my job as a parent is to raise future adults. And kids need to be told NO once in awhile. My friend feels that NO is a bad word, and it is harmful to the egos of her little ones. Basically, I am not allowed to tell her kids NO, at her house or at my house. No matter what they are doing. I am just supposed to indicate to the boy that he is doing something inappropriate, and suggest an alternative. I just laugh and wonder what she will be saying in 10 years.

Sounds like this woman is one of those crunchy idiots with kids destined to failure like the 99% occupy wall street

wow, weird. I tell my 3-year-old "no" all the time and she seems pretty damn happy in spite of that. (though sometimes she will say, "Stop saying NO to me, mommy!")

We did this with our 4.5 year old, after our day care gave a "parenting seminar" with the same philosphy a PP said the smithosian one had. And now I wish that we had made his life miserable from day 1. Things always end up being a discussion, and I find my self wanting to yell "Because I said so!" and have that be the end of it. He never really learned that mom is the boss and what I said go.

Somehow "use your walking feet inside" doesn't instill the same level of respect as "No running"

This was a big parenting thing back in the 70's. My aunt raised my cousin never to hear "no" but to negotiate alternatives. She's 34 and living at home after her 4th round of rehab.

Just saying...

Anonymous wrote:If you don't like her parenting, then don't hang out together. Easy solution.

Yeah, it doesn't sound like a successful strategy toward raising happy kids, but I don't feel a need to control the world, or even let the world know how I feel. I just walk away.

Yes, I've let go of a few friendships like this once we all had children because I just can't handle being around people who are like your friend, OP.

"I have it on my computer at work. If I can remember to do it tomorrow, I'm happy to post it. "

Send an e-mail reminder to the address of your computer at work.

Anonymous wrote:20:53 - would you be willing to post it (without your name, of course). I know MANY, MANY parents who would benefit from telling their children *anything* - this would help immensely.

I have it on my computer at work. If I can remember to do it tomorrow, I'm happy to post it.

20:53 - would you be willing to post it (without your name, of course). I know MANY, MANY parents who would benefit from telling their children *anything* - this would help immensely.

As a teacher, there is value in framing things in the positive because it adds more specificity to the command. Saying, "Don't run" still leaves the door open to skip, hop, or spin their way around the space, all of which might be just as inappropriate as running. Saying, "We use our walking feet in this space," lets them know what the expectation is, instead of simply which it isn't.

Of course, that doesn't mean that the word "no" should be completely avoided, because it too can be used for specificity. It all comes down to what is being conveyed.

I have a sheet I give out to parents with effective and ineffective commands and how the language we use has a large impact on kids' ability and willingness to comply. It is very helpful to those who adapt it and while it does encourage positive framing, it certainly does not prohibit the word "no".

Anonymous wrote:I would pull the buzzer out of the game "Taboo" and then walk around buzzing it whenever her children do something wrong.

Johnny is throwing toys - *bzzzzzzzzz*
Suzy told her brother to shut up, *bzzzzzzzz*

I think your friend will get the point. I guess I did have children to make their lives miserable, cause this situation sounds like a blast. I could really have fun with it if I were in OP's shoes.

What about some kind of code word that you shout out instead?

Or you can use it as a drinking game and take a shot of vodka everytime they act up?

So many options!

I like you!

Stupid rule, could you say in a loud, assertive tone "jimmy, we don't throw things in our house" your still telling him your rules without the word no
My BIL won't tell his daughter no either, let her pick her noe because he wanted her to experience everything-she's more Normal now that she is in school but she was unbearable for a long time

What happens when these kids go to school? Get jobs?

Anonymous wrote:The Smithsonian daycare center had this policy maybe 8 years ago, don't know if they still do. DH and I loved the place except for this, because although we're not strict disciplinarians, stop using the word "no" and pretty soon you're negotiating over every cookie. YMMV.

Anyway, here is what they used to suggest. Instead of saying "no" you had to say "use your walking feet." Instead of saying "don't scream in the house" you were supposed to say "indoor voices, please." It's not hard to think of creative alternatives, the only problem for you will be that your own kid will wonder why you're treating this other kid differently.

Explains the tramps who high school who never said no.

Anonymous wrote:I would pull the buzzer out of the game "Taboo" and then walk around buzzing it whenever her children do something wrong.

Johnny is throwing toys - *bzzzzzzzzz*
Suzy told her brother to shut up, *bzzzzzzzz*

I think your friend will get the point. I guess I did have children to make their lives miserable, cause this situation sounds like a blast. I could really have fun with it if I were in OP's shoes.

What about some kind of code word that you shout out instead?

Or you can use it as a drinking game and take a shot of vodka everytime they act up?

So many options!

LOL!!