^^Ooops, WE spend Thanksgiving with my family and Christmas with DH's.

I spend Thanksgiving with my family and Christmas with my DH's family. And some years we switch it up and do the opposite. I used to try to see everyone on Christmas, and we were the only ones running around like crazy. So I put a stop to it. It has gotten a lot more enjoyable. Yes, MIL and my mom were a little upset the first year they didn't get us for Christmas, but the next year when they had us uninterrupted for the whole holiday, they realized it was much better this way. Just stop trying to make everyone happy. Focus on you and your DH and LOs.

Sounds like your family is getting tons of time and seeing your kid at his best. You show up at DH's parents for the last few hours of the holiday when everyone is already exhausted and cranky. No wonder your MIL gives you stinkeye. Find a way to share your time more fairly and I bet it will all work out fine.

Also, we juggle family on Xmas (divorced parents, in-laws, all local). The ONLY. WAY. IT. WORKS. is if everyone shows up where they're supposed to be on time. If someone else hustles to be somewhere or be ready for you but then end up waiting around, that's going to screw up their day. You're not the only one with a lot of balls to juggle. Show some respect for your MIL and BIL and get there on time, even if you have to sneak away from your family without saying goodbye. I guarantee that will help.

My biggest issue was that my parents were divorced, so in addition to swapping years (with dh's family in another town than my family) we had the inevitable bickering about who got "us" for the big Christmas dinner.

I got a job locally as a church choir director about 7 years ago, when my oldest was 2. As a result, I cannot travel on Christmas or Easter, I have to be here to direct my choirs at Mass. Best. thing. ever.

From then on, I have told all family members they are most welcome to come here and celebrate with us. Actually, my only family here is my sis, who had continued to travel "home". When my second was born just after Christmas 5.5 years ago, she stayed here with us so she could be there. Go figure, she loved the slower pace so much, and she has not returned for Christmas either. Plus, my older sis has decided to come down a few years to celebrate with us too.

Being home, doing our own thing has made holidays much more enjoyable for us. I always extend an invite to anyone who wants to join us. Since my parents are really set in their ways, they do not take us up on it, but my IL's have become part of our new, local holiday.

I have always LOVED the holidays, my favorite time of year!

Now we live near the ILs. SIL and MIL deliberately omit us and the kids from Christmas eve plans and celebrations. They have issues and are bitter and exclusionary, it is nothing we did. MIL refuses to save a plate for the kids if we are slightly late (not hours late like when SIL had little ones - and MIL saved them plates). We have spent Christmas at McDonald's more than once, sadly. It is NOT what we are accustomed to. SILs were given a free pass at everything for years, no matter how much they screwed up plans.

We try to make our own holidays without other peoples drama and BS. Its hard to be treated that way by people who are supposed to be family when you did nothing wrong. We've helped them out quite a lot, maybe that is our problem.

I know what it is to have difficult "family" OP. Just wanted to say I am sorry.

Do you have a 2yo for Christmas every year????

OP, one reason why your MIL maybe giving you the stink eye is that from her perspective, the holidays are all about your extended family, while her's is getting a lot less attention. I understand the desire to be part of all the fun with your family (and it does sound like a couple of great parties), but MIL probably feels like you guys slide in out of a sense of obligation, it's the end of the day when kids are more likely tantrums, etc. One of the hard things about marriage is that even if you have a great family, you are likely going to see less of them for big holidays than you did in your single days. I guess my followup question is how does your DH feel about the division of time? In your shoes, I would likely eliminate or reschedule one of the gatherings. That just sounds like a lot of time in the car, trying to please a lot of different people.

How about you do a gift exchange and pick one person to exchange gifts with? That seems like some stress would be lift and save some $$ too. Then ask in-laws if you all could maybe celebrate Xmas on the 26th or a week or so beforehand since getting to their house late on Xmas day is not working well and your BIL has to work at 7pm anyways.

From Holiday Freak:

I don't know why my post went through twice. Sorry! I like the pp's 'ear infection' response.