God I wish that my relationship with my mother was better. It's not completely terrible but for the past year or so she has been really really rude to us...me and my husband. She is great with our kids but we are getting to the point where our kids are going to start to understand her rude behavior towards us. She is not one capable of having adult conversations with, she always flies off the handle and never ever apologizes even when I think she knows she is wrong. I struggle bc I don't think her behavior is going to change. We can take only so many rude comments bf it becomes really uncomfortable but I hate to cut her off. I am at a crossroads. My father is fantastic so cutting them off. Means cutting him off too and I can't do that but I just wish it was easier to communicate with her and I wish her behavior towards us would change. We are doing our best to not irritate gopher when she sees us but she gets really mad and rude for the most ridiculous things....like if we have dirty dishes for a couple hours...we have three kids under three so we get to it when we can. This doesn't effect her life but she stews over it and then is rude to us for it bc it's not how she runs her house. Ugh.

Anonymous wrote:I agree that it's sad. My mom is my best friend, and I'm not saying this to brag or lord it over anyone. I must remember that I'm so fortunate to have her... I can't imagine what all of you who loathe their mothers are going through. I haven't had a charmed life by any means, but to know she's there for me means the world.

Hear hear. My mother is the only person I am 100% positive wants the best for me all the time. And it goes both ways.

Anonymous wrote:

Maybe your mother can't stand you.

Yes, it's abundantly clear that mine can't stand me either.

What is it about you that you both that think your mothers can't stand you. What do they do that makes you feel that way? I bet you only think that is the case.

Maybe your mother can't stand you.

Yes, it's abundantly clear that mine can't stand me either.

Anonymous wrote:Maybe your mother can't stand you.

Yes, actually this is definitely true in my case. I've known it since I was a little girl. Not much you can do about it if your mom can't stand you though, is there? Kinda sucks.

NP here. I agree that I am lucky to have a biological mother still living. PP, I am so sorry for your loss. There is a bit more, though, to say. In my case, my mother is mentally ill and has been all of my life. I feel more guilty than I can explain about the restrictions I put around seeing her, for my DC's, DH's, and my own sake -- we try to see her as much as we can but we pay an extreme toll (in after-effects). She is extremely verbally abusive and has always been (undoubtedly born of her extreme psychological pain). She is incapable of being positive, and she is incapable of saying or doing anything productively helpful. She hates my father and always has but is psychologically, physically, and financially dependent on him, and so the verbal abuse to us (which is also emotional) has always included disrespecting my dad in front of others. My point is this: I know I am lucky to have a mother alive; I know I should be grateful; I feel guilty about the work I have done to keep reasonably emotionally healthy in spite of my mother. Bless those of you who have awesome relationships with your mothers, and may I be for my daughter all that she needs. (And I should note that I am grateful to the three or four "other moms" who saw me through childhood, adolescence, college, and young adulthood -- moms of friends and my MIL and work mentors. They are awesome, just as my mom would have been if she could have been, I am sure.)

Mine's dead.
Mend the relationship while you have it. You're luckier than you know.

This thread is so sad.. My question is, "Does this upset any of you that you are not close?"

Well, if it didn't bother me, do you think I would have posted in the first place? Of course it does but at a certain point you have to accept your situation and try to move on. What is the alternative?

Anonymous wrote:I don't know ho I hate more - my mom when she is nasty and selfish (most of the time) or people who can not accept that not all mothers are either like theirs, or even nice. Of course, I'm not up anyone's a**(MIL or mom) for money, so that makes life a LOT easier

I totally agree! I also don't get why people think we should continue to try and make things work. Have they never met nasty people? Why should I continue to put energy into something that causes me pain and is worthless just because this woman birthed me? Once I'm living on my own, my obligation to that woman is DONE!

I don't think any of us are happy that we are not close with our mothers. But I guarantee that in most cases, it's better to not be forcing a relationship that is not healthy.

I have recently had to restrict my relationship (and my childrens' too, sadly) with my own parents due to circumstances that I find incompatible with having a healthy environment for my kids (or for myself) to be in. I am damn sure not happy about it, but I do believe I am doing right by my own children by not allowing them around such people.

NP here.
Of course it's upsetting. It's heartbreaking. While no one has a problem telling a woman to leave her abusive husband, women are supposed to take their mother's abuse "because she's your mother." Well, I finally put an end to it. Her behavior was abusive to me and caused me to be a terrible, anxious, depressed person. We are all much better off now that my mother and I don't have contact. I did it for my protection, and of course, it's incredibly upsetting. But I'm a better mother now, and that's what matters to me at this point in my life.

Maybe your mother can't stand you.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This thread is so sad.. My question is, "Does this upset any of you that you are not close?"

Well, duh, yea. What do you think?

We don't pick our parents and some of them suck.

But it seems like it's turning into a contest... "Well, MY mom is worse than yours is this is why... blah blah blah."

Has anyone ever come to reconciliation or detente with their mom?

Anonymous wrote:This thread is so sad.. My question is, "Does this upset any of you that you are not close?"

Well, duh, yea. What do you think?

We don't pick our parents and some of them suck.

I agree that it's sad. My mom is my best friend, and I'm not saying this to brag or lord it over anyone. I must remember that I'm so fortunate to have her... I can't imagine what all of you who loathe their mothers are going through. I haven't had a charmed life by any means, but to know she's there for me means the world.