OP, DH insists on socializing with one. His dad f*cked with him all his life and still does. He tries to take sh*t out on us and our kids because (frankly), he is jealous. We could have been anyone, so we try not to take it personally. But this guy tries to orchestrate ANYTHING involving those who will listen. More like a dictatorship, over the silliest thing, like he feels compelled to f*ck with people because of how his dad treated him. It consistently ruins a perfectly good outing. DH is learning and finds it amusing. I am annoyed even though it is not personal. I guess DH is an enlightened enabler. He is breaking away slowly, thankfully. I definitely don't trust him around my kids, he would endanger them in a heartbeat!!!!!!! Out of spite or anger or both. It is a time suck to be around them, for sure! Insecure doesn't BEGIN to describe it.

Anyway, distance yourself, please.

Wow, that site is really informative. I am the poster of the 2 mom family, DW is cheating thread. I have only recently realized that both she and my mother are narcissists and her lack of empathy is due to that, not depression. The preschooler already "gets it" to some extent, she is the favored one, the older child is too challenging. When a narcissist wants something from you they can be very charming, but when they are done, watch out. Depression often accompanies narcissism. I used to feel sorry for both due to bad childhoods, but after seeing the impact on my kids, it is them, me and my sibs that I have empathy for.

Read Drama of the Gifted Child by Alice Miller. She doesn't use gifted child in the intellectual sense but in the sense that the children whose parents have N tendencies become gifted at anticipating and meeting the needs of others. They become so good at it that they no longer recognize their own needs and desires. Fascinating book--helped me a ton.

Also, check out the forum at daughtersofnarcissisticmothers.com for a list of additional reading material.

NP here. Thanks PP for the book reference. So far, it describes MIL exactly and explains a lot of DH's disappointments. I am certain he will enjoy the book. Any other great references?

Also, is there information on parents (narcissistic?) who deflect their "good" and "bad" sides onto their children? I know this is getting in depth. I know it REALLY hurts the favored child. DH sometimes makes excuses that MIL won't praise him because she fears the other children will be slighted. I feel that is not the case when they are not even present to hear it!

OP, GL with your situation. Being around narcissistic people really is difficult. It is why so many choose to block them from their lives, it is simply too much work, as you know!

Anonymous wrote:OP here, thanks, 15:19, I checked out the book description, and it looks like something I can use. I also appreciate your advice about modeling normalcy for the children involved; to a certain extent, that's something I can do.

Thanks again. It seems to me that by sharing your hard-earned insights you're modeling one way that non-narcissists can transform the pain inflicted by narcissists into something constructive and positive.

Thanks OP, that's very nice of you to say. Good luck with your situation. The kids are lucky to have someone in their lives who cares enough to want to help and who is taking the time to become educated about how to do so constructively.

Anonymous wrote:PP glad you have learned to live with a NP. I'm on the other end and had to fully cut my father off (though the family thinks he leans more towards psychopath). He did have a brain scan when hospitalized once and the anatomy of his brain is very different. Lots of activity in certain areas, but some almost dead spaces in the frontal lobe. He physically is different and truly has a broken brain.. BUT I still cannot use that as justification to have a relationship. He leaves a wake of misery in his path and is off the charts manipulative. He is very happy in his life. He relishes his behavior and is addicted to manipulating, conning, and gaining the adoration of others under false premises leading to financial and emotional ruin.

OP here. What an awful situation, it must have been horrible for you growing up.

Here's a link to an investigative show about a man whose brain scan revealed he should have been a psychopath, but who, apparently due to his childhood circumstances, isn't. You might find it interesting. Maybe it will provide you with some new information about or a new perspective on your father's behavior:

http://abc.go.com/watch/nightline-prime-secrets-of-your-mind/SH5580331/VD5581985/nightlineprime-secrets-of-your-mind-826

OP here, thanks, 15:19, I checked out the book description, and it looks like something I can use. I also appreciate your advice about modeling normalcy for the children involved; to a certain extent, that's something I can do.

Thanks again. It seems to me that by sharing your hard-earned insights you're modeling one way that non-narcissists can transform the pain inflicted by narcissists into something constructive and positive.