We have a weekend place in a rural area about three hours from DC. The cashier in the grocery store - a man - asked me if I was a grandmother when he saw kids' items in my grocery cart. I was barely 40 at the time and almost died. Then he startled prattling on about how he knocked up his girldfriend the first time when he was 12. Yikes! he was practically a great grandfather.

It's all perspective. You just need to hang out somewhere where people think you are much younger than you are. I was at a college event this weekend, and in one of the Q&A sessions I mentioned I had been out of school almost 25 years because it was relevant to my question. Several fellow alums who graduated in the last five years or less said they couldn't believe it. I told them this is why they should get desk jobs that never let them out in the sun.

There are some older parents in this area, I would think people would be more sensitive.

My brother and I both had mothers-in law who were in their early forties and looked even younger when we had our first kids. I'm from NYC, not middle America, but I'm an older man, and this was back in the 60's. So if your old guy is around my age, it may be just that he has known some nice-looking, young grandmas in his day.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Last night during cocktail chit chat at a work function, someone asked me if I have grandkids yet.

A bit of a shocker, as I'm 48 and my children are 5 and 7.

My mother had me at 22. I had my first child at 22. My oldest (now 22) is about to graduate from college. He and his girlfriend have been together almost three years. They are planning to get engaged in the summer. I am 44 and could easily be a grandmother by 48.

My mother was a grandmother at 45. She could be a great-grandmother well before she turns 70.

In the D.C. area, I am one of the younger mothers. However, in most of the other places we've lived, I am pretty much average. When we moved to D.C. I assumed a lot of people were grandparents when they were actually mom and dad. It wasn't that they looked old. It was just that I wasn't used to seeing older parents with young children.

funny

b/c now I'm not used to seeing young women with young kids
It somehow feels unnatural to me after spending my entire life in the DC-metro area.

So funny! Me too. I'm an older mom with young kids, and when I see a young woman with young kids, I assume it's the nanny...

Anonymous wrote:

Last night during cocktail chit chat at a work function, someone asked me if I have grandkids yet.

A bit of a shocker, as I'm 48 and my children are 5 and 7.

My mother had me at 22. I had my first child at 22. My oldest (now 22) is about to graduate from college. He and his girlfriend have been together almost three years. They are planning to get engaged in the summer. I am 44 and could easily be a grandmother by 48.

My mother was a grandmother at 45. She could be a great-grandmother well before she turns 70.

In the D.C. area, I am one of the younger mothers. However, in most of the other places we've lived, I am pretty much average. When we moved to D.C. I assumed a lot of people were grandparents when they were actually mom and dad. It wasn't that they looked old. It was just that I wasn't used to seeing older parents with young children.

funny

b/c now I'm not used to seeing young women with young kids
It somehow feels unnatural to me after spending my entire life in the DC-metro area.

Last night during cocktail chit chat at a work function, someone asked me if I have grandkids yet.

A bit of a shocker, as I'm 48 and my children are 5 and 7.

My mother had me at 22. I had my first child at 22. My oldest (now 22) is about to graduate from college. He and his girlfriend have been together almost three years. They are planning to get engaged in the summer. I am 44 and could easily be a grandmother by 48.

My mother was a grandmother at 45. She could be a great-grandmother well before she turns 70.

In the D.C. area, I am one of the younger mothers. However, in most of the other places we've lived, I am pretty much average. When we moved to D.C. I assumed a lot of people were grandparents when they were actually mom and dad. It wasn't that they looked old. It was just that I wasn't used to seeing older parents with young children.

I have 47 with a 6 and 7 YO. I too would be a little put off if someone thought I was their grandmother. However, my mom was a grandmother by my age - which is so wierd to think about! I have not mistaken a woman for a grandmother, but I HAVE mistaken some older gentlemen with young kids as grandfathers. Although - they wouldn't know it as I have never spoken my assumptions aloud; I am just surprised when I hear the child say "dad".

In this area it is very common for woman to have babies in their late 30s and early 40s.

Anonymous wrote:I've reached a point in my life where I don't care b/c my priorities have changed.

First step on the road to frumpiness. I don't care that I'm 52, I still like it when men notice me.

Blech. I like to be pleased when I catch a glimpse of my reflection (well, at least not be startled) but I really only want DH to "notice" me. Otherwise, I prefer to blend in, not stand out.

I've reached a point in my life where I don't care b/c my priorities have changed.

First step on the road to frumpiness. I don't care that I'm 52, I still like it when men notice me.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe you just look your age? Once someone asked me if I was a grandmother, and I told them that that was a way's off, my child was 12 or however old he was at the time.

Guess what. That year, I lost 30 pounds and started coloring my hair! Now people think I'm 10 years younger.

It's hair color - not weight. I weigh less than I did in college - now with two small kids at age 45. But I stopped coloring my hair.

It's all about the hair . . .

Why dud you decide to go grey? I'm seriously contemplating it! Do you really feel like it ages you a lot?

a few reasons
First I'll say that I have a friend in the corporate world who thinks I'm brave for doing so, as it would ruin her chances at climbing! pathetic!

But . . .
My hairdresser said I have the type of gray that people die for (good genes passed on by my Italian grandmother). She said coloring it would ruin it. And that's extra cash NOT in her pocket, as her services are not cheap.

My hair grows so fast that when I colored it (as a young, single gal), I was going every 4-5 weeks. So time and money are factors. I could find the time, but the money spent once a month is money I'd rather put toward clothes!

I've reached a point in my life where I don't care b/c my priorities have changed.

I do keep my hair styled, and I try to dress as professionally as possible when I'm working, which helps to draw attention away from my hair. And although it may age me a bit, I'm not here to impress anyone. I think it's all in how you carry yourself and how you feel from the inside out.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe you just look your age? Once someone asked me if I was a grandmother, and I told them that that was a way's off, my child was 12 or however old he was at the time.

Guess what. That year, I lost 30 pounds and started coloring my hair! Now people think I'm 10 years younger.

It's hair color - not weight. I weigh less than I did in college - now with two small kids at age 45. But I stopped coloring my hair.

It's all about the hair . . .

Why dud you decide to go grey? I'm seriously contemplating it! Do you really feel like it ages you a lot?

Yes i think its the hair more than anything.

You just can't win. I'm get asked everyday if I'm my DS baby sitter. We look a lot alike, but I'm 25. I guess I look 15.

Anonymous wrote:Maybe you just look your age? Once someone asked me if I was a grandmother, and I told them that that was a way's off, my child was 12 or however old he was at the time.

Guess what. That year, I lost 30 pounds and started coloring my hair! Now people think I'm 10 years younger.

It's hair color - not weight. I weigh less than I did in college - now with two small kids at age 45. But I stopped coloring my hair.

It's all about the hair . . .

To be fair, the questioner was an older man who is from middle America, where I assume having kids by 22 and grandkids by 45 is the norm.

I was primed to be supportive of you, OP, then I read your gratuitous dig at an enormous swath of the U.S. Just, why?

I'm from the middle of America, I'm in later-mid-40s. When I go back 2-3 times a year, nobody assumes my child is my grandchild. Because I look youthful, I guess.