Anonymous
Post 09/30/2011 10:47     Subject: Re:If your DC is African-Am. or Latino, do you put a lot of thought into how you dress your DC?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:Another ignorant post? Say it isn't so..... No one cares that your children look Latino. No one cares if your child wore his underwear outside of his pants. No one cares but YOU. Being dressed well does not equal good behavior. People comment on your child's behavior because they have good behavior. Why do you feel as though you have something to prove through your children? If you were so concerned about making sure your Latino looking children were not looking "Latino," maybe you should not have reproduced with one. Feel sorry for your kids OP. You are far too uptight. Let your children have FUN. It won't hurt.

Yes, you are correct - you wrote another ignorant post. It's written from the perspective of a rich, white person.

Sadly, years ago, I would have written your post also and the worst part is I am a parent of a Latino child. Once my kid entered elementary school and the cutesy toddler/preschool phase was over, people no longer had as many smiles or sweet things. People have actually said to me "oh you dress your child so nicely" It's such a weird comment as she is dressed identical to her peers in Mini Boden and Hanna Anderson. The expectation is that I would put her in Walmart glitter clothing.





Just because someone compliments how you dress your children does not imply they are expecting you to dress them some other way. I bet the other Mini Boden/Hanna Andersson parents get the same compliments.
Anonymous
Post 09/30/2011 10:35     Subject: If your DC is African-Am. or Latino, do you put a lot of thought into how you dress your DC?
Anonymous wrote:
OP, I'm right there with you. I have a biracial (white/black) son and, the longer  I live in America, I  am becoming painfully aware of the fine line black and Latino men, in  particular, walk.  I strongly believe that people have consious and unconcious preconceived notions that are very hard to put aside. Black men in america above all NEVER get a second chance to change people's opinions of them. [/b]  I say this as a black women (married to a white man)  who grew up in an all black country so never encountered the concept of negative judgement based on the color of one's skin.  My 10 years of living in the US has changed that. Even in casual conversations with friends who I know would not consider themselves racist, I hear so many subconscious racial notions slip out that it sometimes astound me.[b]
 
To answer your question, I absolutely dress my son very conservatively to avoid him making a poor first impression and thankfully, he is quite well behaved and mature for his age so both these things contribute to making him one of those boys who people comment on as being so well behaved-  parents and teachers alike. He is usually the token black boy at many of the social gatherings of kids from his 'big 3' school though this is a by-product of the whole exercise rather than my original intention.


OP here. Unfortunately this has been my experience the past few years. I think I just shrugged it off before I had kids but now I am more sensitive. You summed up well what I am feeling. I do want my boys to make a good first impression. I still have extended family in Latin America and we try to visit once a year because I do think it is important for my kids to see a community where most people look like they do.
Anonymous
Post 09/30/2011 10:30     Subject: Re:If your DC is African-Am. or Latino, do you put a lot of thought into how you dress your DC?
Anonymous wrote:
I prefer elastic waste pants


You definitely need these after too many collard shirts


Too funny!
Anonymous
Post 09/30/2011 10:30     Subject: Re:If your DC is African-Am. or Latino, do you put a lot of thought into how you dress your DC?
Anonymous wrote:
people from Spain (Hispanics) don't look like Latinos.


Hm. Some do.

You should travel more.



Let me tell you a bit about the History I learned while traveling...

Latinos look a bit like the native Indians who were rapped by the Hispanics who invaded their land.

Hispanics look like the lower level of Europeans. A mix of Caucasian and Arabic if you know what I mean...
Anonymous
Post 09/30/2011 10:17     Subject: Re:If your DC is African-Am. or Latino, do you put a lot of thought into how you dress your DC?
I prefer elastic waste pants


You definitely need these after too many collard shirts
Anonymous
Post 09/30/2011 10:12     Subject: If your DC is African-Am. or Latino, do you put a lot of thought into how you dress your DC?
I have three young sons and I prefer to dress them in casual clothing that is easy for them to put on themselves. I prefer elastic waste pants for them because its easier to go to the bathroom when you are three and have elastic waste pants. They have worn their PJs out before - not often - but its happened. I believe that my children can make choices for themselves and DH and I pick our battles. We are white.

I don't like them wearing pants or shirts with holes in them.

I think I would do differently if my sons were black or latino. I probably would worry more about what people would think of them and us. I also think I would worry more about my sons' high activity levels if we were black and latino. I would worry more about negative perceptions about them. This is so sad.

I try to dress the boys nicely for church not for other people - for me.

Anonymous
Post 09/30/2011 10:08     Subject: Re:If your DC is African-Am. or Latino, do you put a lot of thought into how you dress your DC?
"collard shirt"

mmm...tasty......LMAO

thanks, OP, you just made my day! HA HA HA
Anonymous
Post 09/30/2011 10:06     Subject: Re:If your DC is African-Am. or Latino, do you put a lot of thought into how you dress your DC?
people from Spain (Hispanics) don't look like Latinos.


Hm. Some do.

You should travel more.

Anonymous
Post 09/30/2011 10:03     Subject: If your DC is African-Am. or Latino, do you put a lot of thought into how you dress your DC?

OP, I'm right there with you. I have a biracial (white/black) son and, the longer  I live in America, I  am becoming painfully aware of the fine line black and Latino men, in  particular, walk.  I strongly believe that people have consious and unconcious preconceived notions that are very hard to put aside. Black men in america above all NEVER get a second chance to change people's opinions of them.  I say this as a black women (married to a white man)  who grew up in an all black country so never encountered the concept of negative judgement based on the color of one's skin.  My 10 years of living in the US has changed that. Even in casual conversations with friends who I know would not consider themselves racist, I hear so many subconscious racial notions slip out that it sometimes astound me.
 
To answer your question, I absolutely dress my son very conservatively to avoid him making a poor first impression and thankfully, he is quite well behaved and mature for his age so both these things contribute to making him one of those boys who people comment on as being so well behaved-  parents and teachers alike. He is usually the token black boy at many of the social gatherings of kids from his 'big 3' school though this is a by-product of the whole exercise rather than my original intention.
Anonymous
Post 09/30/2011 10:02     Subject: Re:If your DC is African-Am. or Latino, do you put a lot of thought into how you dress your DC?
I'm white and live in a pretty nice zip code. our preschool isn't terribly cheap, but it's pretty diverse. I wouldn't think twice about a child dressed in a costume, regardless of their race, other than to smile and think "oh that's cute." I would probably judge the parent if they brought their kid to school in PJ's, regardless of race. (and i might comment to another mom about her daughter's cute clothes because I might have noticed that the daughter is always looking cute. I like to give compliments where compliments are due.)

I'm not saying you're wrong to feel the way you do, OP, just that I don't feel it applies to me personally.
Anonymous
Post 09/30/2011 09:53     Subject: If your DC is African-Am. or Latino, do you put a lot of thought into how you dress your DC?
Anonymous wrote:I am a euro-white mom, and as depressing as many of the PP comments are on here, I see your point(s).

fwiw, my child attends a private NW school with no uniforms and all the children dress the same -- sloppy casual -- regardless of their ethnicity. boys = Under Armour-type shorts and a logo T-shirt. girls = leggings and a t-shirt or jeans and a t-shirt.

NObody wears collared shirts, not the AA kids, the white, the Asian or hispanic (we have a lot of kids from Spain too, actually, so I used Hispanic, not Latino)


People from Spain (Hispanics) don't look like Latinos.
Anonymous
Post 09/30/2011 09:25     Subject: If your DC is African-Am. or Latino, do you put a lot of thought into how you dress your DC?
I am a euro-white mom, and as depressing as many of the PP comments are on here, I see your point(s).

fwiw, my child attends a private NW school with no uniforms and all the children dress the same -- sloppy casual -- regardless of their ethnicity. boys = Under Armour-type shorts and a logo T-shirt. girls = leggings and a t-shirt or jeans and a t-shirt.

NObody wears collared shirts, not the AA kids, the white, the Asian or hispanic (we have a lot of kids from Spain too, actually, so I used Hispanic, not Latino)
Anonymous
Post 09/30/2011 09:07     Subject: Re:If your DC is African-Am. or Latino, do you put a lot of thought into how you dress your DC?
I think when a parent feels like a child is already stigmatized in some way (be it race, ethnicity, lesbian/gay parentage, or being special needs like my child) you want to make sure that child puts his/her best foot forward in every other way. I know that with my child I want her dressed her best every day. I feel like I want to do what I can to have her make the best impression. I don't feel there's something "wrong" with her. I just feel that the world is already prone to judging her as second-best.
Anonymous
Post 09/30/2011 09:00     Subject: If your DC is African-Am. or Latino, do you put a lot of thought into how you dress your DC?
I'm African American with a 4 year old AA daughter. While my child has never come to school in PJs (unless it was pajama day), she has worn her princess gown/ballet skirt. I didnt think anything of it. Sometimes I let her choose her outfit for the day and her clothes dont match. As long as she's clean, her teeth are brushed...I dont stress about what she wears as long as it's seasonally appropriate.
Anonymous
Post 09/30/2011 09:00     Subject: Re:If your DC is African-Am. or Latino, do you put a lot of thought into how you dress your DC?
Anonymous wrote:Another ignorant post? Say it isn't so..... No one cares that your children look Latino. No one cares if your child wore his underwear outside of his pants. No one cares but YOU. Being dressed well does not equal good behavior. People comment on your child's behavior because they have good behavior. Why do you feel as though you have something to prove through your children? If you were so concerned about making sure your Latino looking children were not looking "Latino," maybe you should not have reproduced with one. Feel sorry for your kids OP. You are far too uptight. Let your children have FUN. It won't hurt.

Yes, you are correct - you wrote another ignorant post. It's written from the perspective of a rich, white person.

Sadly, years ago, I would have written your post also and the worst part is I am a parent of a Latino child. Once my kid entered elementary school and the cutesy toddler/preschool phase was over, people no longer had as many smiles or sweet things. People have actually said to me "oh you dress your child so nicely" It's such a weird comment as she is dressed identical to her peers in Mini Boden and Hanna Anderson. The expectation is that I would put her in Walmart glitter clothing.