This has nothing to do with college. My kids will go to the college that fits them and what they want to do - we don't have any need for name value or prestige with that. Anyone can get a good college education provided they can get into college. There are great professors at 3rd tier schools, R1s and small privates. You have flexibility to find those profs and work with them in college. It's before then when you're stuck with whatever teacher you're assigned to.

I don't think my kid is unique because she tests 99th percentile. In fact I don't think my child is particularly unique at all There aren't many "unique" people in this world and those that truly are tend to be mentally ill or horribly eccentric. People are pretty much just people. I get that - I'm not one of the "give my kid a ribbon for participating and a medal for their WISC score" parents. All those 99th percentile kids end up just like the 80th percentile kids or 50th percentile kids come college given similar work ethic and enthusiasm for learning. Unless a kid is prodigious on the level of Mozart then test scores and IQ tests are just numbers. Labels are just labels. It eventually evens out at some point for all of us. Age is a great equalizer. Genius level IQs are commonplace in PhD programs, so who cares? The label is meaningless, it's what you're doing with whatever brain you're given that matters.

Our concern is for a child who was a joyful and enthusiastic learner getting the life sucked out of her by a barrage of meaningless and poorly designed worksheets. It's not about grades or cachet or some golden ticket we don't want to an Ivy, it's about making a change that lets our child be happy at school again. She's not an athlete. She's not a fantastic dancer. Her passion is in learning and building and doing. Unfortunately those activities are tied to school. Not exclusively obviously, but enough that school can kill those joys for a kid. School is her "thing." Any school will have issues, but finding a school with a curriculum that actually provides an outlet for questioning and curiosity and experiential learning is the goal here. I'm not sure why I'm getting crucified for trying to find a better option for my kid and asking questions about how to facilitate that. If she was a great pianist and she was unhappy with her teacher and hit a wall and asked for a change, I'd look for a teacher that was a better fit for her. If she loved swimming more than anything and the public pool got so crowded she couldn't swim laps then I'd look for a different pool to join.

It's a "private/independent schools" forum. Not sure I understand the people who are trolling the forum to belittle someone for looking at private and independent schools. I asked for advice on school recommendations initially as we are not from this area. We got lots of helpful info, both public and private. We weighed the finances and life changes and decided private made more sense. So I come back on the private school boards to ask about whether or not financial aid is feasible at some of the privates we looked at. This is an appropriate venue for that question. The question itself seems like a logical follow up to the initial question. If the schools don't view us as candidates for financial aid then they won't give it to us. I'm not sure why applying is "hurting" anyone else. If full pay families at schools that give financial aid don't think the schools should be giving financial aid then that is an issue to take up with the school. Or hell, if we keep in the same tone as these comments, move and go to a private that doesn't give financial aid to anyone - they certainly exist in this area.

And our finances aren't precarious. We'd like to keep them that way, that's the point. That's why we're trying to find out what options there are that would be within our budget. We don't live to the edge of our paycheck and won't do that - we save each month. So no, 30K a year is not doable for our family, but that doesn't mean finances are precarious in any way. It just means for that school to be an option we would need a tuition reduction - the whole point of the question was to find out if schools are actually offering those to new families given the current economy. If someone can definitively say no then that saves us a 100 dollar application fee and some time. We're decidedly middle class. That will not change. If a school wants a mix of kids at every socioeconomic level then some middle class kids will have to get FA for that to be possible at a 30K a year school. If not, I can understand that and it isn't in the cards for us.

I'm just not sure I get the anger/condescension/judgment on these boards. Most of the people here are asking questions in good faith. I was really appreciative of the information I've received here so far. People are taking their free time to be helpful to a stranger. Lord knows the world can use more of that. But someone thanks people for their input and that inspires anger? That's kind of sad really.

Please ignore the snarky comments OP. If you want to send your daughter to private school, go for it. We were in a similar situation years ago and got FA and put our 3 kids through private school (along with 30 percent of the school). You are a perfect candidate for aid. There are some real haters on here who are very anti FA except for those people they think are exceptionally poor and somehow "deserve" it. What they don't get is that schools want economic diversity, not just super rich and super poor, as do many of the parents. In addition, schools have a tough time recruiting very poor kids and sometimes have a tough time with retention. Socially it can be somewhat challenging to be surrounded by rich people and of course the wider the divide financially, the more challenging. It's manageable, but these are some of the reasons schools want economic diversity to include middle class.

It really bothers me that people say you should stick to public school and/or that you don't deserve FA. IGNORE them. What happened to the American dream? If you want private school for your child, apply for FA and know that the schools want to help you out.

OP - you have way too much time on your hands clearly to keep dragging this up over and over.

You have choices - you just don't want to make them and its ok. You could move, you could rent out your house etc,

But really I don't see the point in agonizing over uprooting your life for some supposed educational superstar that you just don't have. You seem to think your child is some rarity and is being put at some grave educational disadvantage. Scoring 99% on some test is nothing in this area - the public and private schools are full of these kids. Pick the best public school you can for the moment or the closest private school you can afford and let it go. If your child doesn't attend Sidwell, they will still be able to go to college - a good one even.

And believe me, private school is not the holy grail you believe it to be. Many of the kids are average or slightly above, some of the teachers are mediocre and get kept year to year, and the social scene for you and your kid is pretty taxing and costly.

Anonymous wrote:Private schools are committed to their diversity and I don't think that they will go back to the 1950's on that. Remember you have to have academic rigor ; if the college exmissions fall because all the privates can produce are a lot of wealthy but average kids then they lose their promise of a good education and good college placement and the whole house of cards collapses. They have go maintain their SAT scores, there supply of bright kids and this means FA.

I don't think rich & average/smart & poorer is a true dichotomy. I certainly know some rich & average kids, but also some rich & brilliant kids (how do you think the parents got all that money?).

Anonymous wrote:Oh please, if your finances are as precarious as you say then you have no business sending your child to an expensive school that charges $30k plus per year.

Why do you think other people (financial aid donors) should help you pay for this luxury? I understand paying for a child with no other opportunities...but not for a child who has engaged, working parents who just don't want to change their lifestyle to find a good school system (of which there are many in this area). Honestly, if you want a good school system for your child, take your lumps, move and find it. It is too bad that you don't think you should have to make these tough compromises/decisions/etc. Why should some other person (financial aid donor) supplement something which is, for you, essentially a life choice...and why should a child with no options have to share financial aid dollars with you? Grow up and make the tough choices we all make.

School administrators, on the other hand, seem to think that it's a rather good use of financial aid to help middle class families. So perhaps you and your child's school don't share similar values; you might want to start shopping around for a school with an anti-philanthropic philosophy. Good luck!

Oh please, if your finances are as precarious as you say then you have no business sending your child to an expensive school that charges $30k plus per year.

Why do you think other people (financial aid donors) should help you pay for this luxury? I understand paying for a child with no other opportunities...but not for a child who has engaged, working parents who just don't want to change their lifestyle to find a good school system (of which there are many in this area). Honestly, if you want a good school system for your child, take your lumps, move and find it. It is too bad that you don't think you should have to make these tough compromises/decisions/etc. Why should some other person (financial aid donor) supplement something which is, for you, essentially a life choice...and why should a child with no options have to share financial aid dollars with you? Grow up and make the tough choices we all make.

Sorry if my last post came off snarky at all, 9:24. I wanted to say that we gave your suggestion from a month ago (yes, that was me asking for advice) due weight. We went as far as calling our realtor, calling insurance agent, pricing car, pricing the child care we would need to make a move to MoCo work. We also talked to our friends with kids in the MoCo system that are TAG (the kids, not the friends). Right now it doesn't make sense for us. I think we at least have an affordable and decent Plan B for her that will be a huge improvement for her over the current situation (things have kind of gone to hell in a handbasket at her current school), but we're still trying to suss out the plan A chances. Please don't think I dismissed your advice out of hand. I appreciated it when it was offered the first time and we really did do the number crunching on it. It's not possible for us right now. In a better housing market, maybe - but right now we're lucky to have a low mortgage and a great house that gives us the breathing room financially to at least be able to consider some private options for her, maybe even some great ones if they can help us a bit on tuition. We'll see Thanks to everyone though - I've really appreciated that the couple of threads I've started have been so respectful and full of good info. There appear to be some kind of um, scary, posters on this site in other threads and you guys have all been awesome!

Moving is easier said than done when you own a house. Nothing is selling in our neighborhood right now - well, that's not completely true, there was a foreclosure that sold a couple of months ago. We do not have the resources to buy another house until our current house sells - which then makes a change of school completely contingent on a conventional sale in the housing market, which right now is terrible. It also adds the extra expense of needing a second car plus the insurance and gas money that would entail, I would assume a higher mortgage/rent since comparable houses in MoCo (at least when we were looking a couple of years ago) cost much more than we currently pay on our mortgage. Not to mention child care expenses we would incur (of which we have none right now due to the close proximity to both of our works allowing DH and I to juggle schedules). Also, the commute for DD is time spent with family - maybe that sounds stupid, but I did a 45 minute commute to school K-12 and loved that time I spent singing in the car with my mom and brother. We send her to a magnet she will bus there (I don't know how long a ride that would be) and lose a good hour+ of time with me and my husband individually due to us being in cars solo making commutes.

We live frugally and well within our means where we are now. I appreciate the pitch for MoCo public schools, but sometimes people on this forum make it sound like you can change houses as easily as you change underwear. Maybe that is true for some people, but I also have to think those people must be much more well off than us. We've crunched the numbers on a move vs. private school, and with the market as it is right now it doesn't add up for us (it would add more expenses than we have budgeted for a private school, not to mention the stress of moving) so we're trying to work with the options we have.

The additional factor is she is pushing very hard for single-sex education and as an educator I feel there is a lot of value in single-sex education for girls, so I'm happy to support that if we can make it work.

Re: post about "deep pockets" - the school we were told had no FA is a big 3 school, which I assumed = deep pockets. Is that inaccurate? Or rather, can you give us some schools that you would consider to have deep pockets as far as aid is concerned?

OP, I remember you from another thread a month ago or so.

Why. Don't you just move? And put DD in a lovely MoCo magnet with an eye on continuing the STEM focus up through Montgomery Blair or similar.

It's sweet that your DH can bike to work. It's nice that you are close to work. It's interesting that you would put your DD on a 45-minute commute in the morning and again in the evening so you guys can stroll to work (while she sucks it up on the bus/carpool/backseat of your 1 car).

Why does she have to be the one to commute to school? Why can't you and DH commute to your (UMd) school?

[It is assumed in my well-meaning argument that when you move away from UMd, you go public, not $$ private, at one of MoCo's more rigorous schools with acceleration befitting your DD]

Financial Aid has been "dried up" since I starting reading this forum 4 years ago.

Plan on paying full tuition for the first year. After that, FA will be available is you need it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What is the "diversity" of which you speak?

Go on a tour and see for yourself. AD's spend a great deal of time and energy striking a balance. To answer your question I would say that in DC's school there are the floowing kids of diversity: ethnic,racial,economic,sexuality,native language. A sample of five families might be: a bi-racial couple one of whom is an alum and can private pay and donate, an ethiopian child who may get some FA, a lesbian couple who are both white,but full pay, a child who comes from a diplomatic family and primarily speaks Spanish at home,Middle eastern royalty, an AA child , on and on like that, just like Washington in general.

Then I guess we're out: typical McLean Republican (full tuition paying) white man married to white woman.

Anonymous wrote:What is the "diversity" of which you speak?

Go on a tour and see for yourself. AD's spend a great deal of time and energy striking a balance. To answer your question I would say that in DC's school there are the floowing kids of diversity: ethnic,racial,economic,sexuality,native language. A sample of five families might be: a bi-racial couple one of whom is an alum and can private pay and donate, an ethiopian child who may get some FA, a lesbian couple who are both white,but full pay, a child who comes from a diplomatic family and primarily speaks Spanish at home,Middle eastern royalty, an AA child , on and on like that, just like Washington in general.

Anonymous wrote:So I was told by a teacher friend at a frequently discussed on this forum school that due to the economy, financial aid has "dried up" in the DC/VA/MD private schools. She said they have a perfect storm of established full tuition families now seeking financial aid due to the economy, previous financial aid families needing more financial aid, and less giving to the school by donors. My daughter has been asking us to explore different schools for her for 3rd grade (she's at a parochial school now that is fine but she feels unchallenged and somewhat lost in the shuffle as a "good kid" in a class with a couple of high-need kids). We make well under 100K a year combined and have 2 younger children (3 yrs old and infant), so while we can swing parish school tuition, there's no way we can do a 30K a year tuition. I think our daughter should be a good candidate at the schools we're looking at. She's tested 99th percentile on standardized tests for school and for CTY, and she's a really kind and easy to get along with child. We don't have any connections or anything, but we're not applying at Big 3 schools either so hopefully that won't matter so much. So we're applying for a few schools that seem like good fits for her, but the info about lack of financial aid is making me wonder if we'd just be getting her hopes up for something impossible. Obviously, we don't know where/if she'll get admitted, but I worry about her falling in love with schools on visit day and getting in only to be told there is no financial aid for new families. Has anyone heard this is likely? Anyone with info about the financial aid situation this year? Or in any year really? Are we setting her up for heartbreak by applying at all?

Go for the deep pocketed schools. To draw a parallel : Harvard still has money,right

What is the "diversity" of which you speak?

Private schools are committed to their diversity and I don't think that they will go back to the 1950's on that. Remember you have to have academic rigor ; if the college exmissions fall because all the privates can produce are a lot of wealthy but average kids then they lose their promise of a good education and good college placement and the whole house of cards collapses. They have go maintain their SAT scores, there supply of bright kids and this means FA.