so she was abused and you judged her
She has been without a mother since 13?
Most probably since even before then

Would you not attempt to keep your thirteen year old from having actual sexual intercourse? Especially with another child who was also using drugs? So if they are both female?

I didn't care about the gender but the fact of physical involvement and also drugs. She was way too young.

and how does a 13 year old have a lesbian affair?

Anonymous wrote:Yknow, after you beat your head against a wall for awhile you quit caring so it doesn't hurt so much. I hope you never sit up wondering wether your kid will come home or this time it will be the police calling....whether your reasonable attempts to stop your daughters physical lesbian affair at 13 will cause your kid to run to believing friends parents who will tell her you are mean and let her stay in their homes, or when exactly your family is gonna get busted for the humongous stash of pot you just found in her room...go ahead and get all judgmental. Have at it.

When I had the other kids, she was a bright happy kindergartener. Why shouldn't we have a family? Because the crystal ball didn't quite work?

Okay, PP, I was with you until this part. It sounds like you weren't very accepting of your daughter being involved with another girl, or being bisexual/gay? FWIW, I think that parenting is incredibly demanding, and that we certainly don't know what and can only control so much. But we can control some things, and that includes accepting our children and teens for who they are.

Yknow, after you beat your head against a wall for awhile you quit caring so it doesn't hurt so much. I hope you never sit up wondering wether your kid will come home or this time it will be the police calling....whether your reasonable attempts to stop your daughters physical lesbian affair at 13 will cause your kid to run to believing friends parents who will tell her you are mean and let her stay in their homes, or when exactly your family is gonna get busted for the humongous stash of pot you just found in her room...go ahead and get all judgmental. Have at it.

When I had the other kids, she was a bright happy kindergartener. Why shouldn't we have a family? Because the crystal ball didn't quite work?

PP, sounds like you just did not care.
Your child could not have changed overnight
why did you have 2 more kids if you already had one that was a handful?

Again, most places won't take 17 year olds who don't agree to participate in therapy. It is quite a stretch to have them committed unless they are a clear danger to themselves or others. Substance abuse isnt on that list.

And I didn't owe the city anything, but then again I didn't make much at that point and had two other kids at home.

Why haven't the parents consider sending their daughter where help can be given instead of waiting for their daughter to further ruining her future. I'm not judging their love for her and their parenting skills, but she's still a minor. Even if they say she's a hopeless case. I still believe there's hope for her if they don't give up that easily. It doesn't matter if she refused the help, in this situation, she's probably not on the right state to decide what's best for herself. Forcing her to have professional help somewhere might make her mad at you, but then again, she's already mad at you for just caring. So it won't probably make any difference except that she will get something positive from any program than become worst than she is right now on the streets. This resource might help give you some options.
http://www.teenbootcamps.org/boot-camps/the-different-psychological-effects-of-boot-camps-on-teenagers.html

Did you have to pay the state for foster care costs?
What kind of aid did she qualify for as a ward of the state? Was she ever homeless?

She's grown. We are friendly, but cautious. It took her years to accept any ownership for what she did. She and her siblings are also cautious friends. The younger kids understood what was happening at the time.

It was not an easy time for our family. I'm sure that my daughter handed out sob stories about how I was bad to her. One of the reasons I answered this is because it is easy to condemn a situation as an outsider.

where is your daughter now?
What happened to her?

Thanks, PP, for the extra info.

I signed custody over to the city. She was 15. The technical term is relinquishment of custody, I believe. I showed what I had tried to do: documented attempts at therapy, placement with family, etc. They accepted it. It was so much better....

I tried to get mine into therapy. She refused to cooperate, and the "professionals" told me she had the choice. I called the city, and they said all they would do is return her home. They couldn't keep her anywhere and make her behave. I went to court and signed away custody.

What do you mean? Who did you sign away custody to? How old was your daughter when you did this?

Unless you are the parent of that child, you don't know. It is really easy to stand on the outside and swear you'd never do that....but be careful, because life has a way of biting you in the ass.

My daughter's best friend went to juvie, because she attacked her mother. I tried to get mine into therapy. She refused to cooperate, and the "professionals" told me she had the choice. I called the city, and they said all they would do is return her home. They couldn't keep her anywhere and make her behave. I went to court and signed away custody.

My two younger kids are fine upstanding citizens. Go figure.