my parents have some kind of long-term care insurance. If I don't inherit at least $350K I will be very disappointed. That said, I hope they spend as much as they can the rest of their lives - but they do not. Depression era common sense won't let them buy nice cars, or take cruises, etc.

Anonymous wrote:
There was a recent WSJ article on minimal ways to have your documents in order as a courtesy to your heirs.

http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052702303627104576410234039258092.html?mod=WSJ_hp_mostpop_read

I think this article would be worth discussing with parents. I did last weekend, in addition to using the article to help organize my own documents.

Not the OP, but what a great article! Thank you!

The inheritance could be anything by the time you actually get it. Don't count on it for your own financial planning. MORE importantly know their details. Do they want to be buried, if so where? Find out where safe deposits boxes are, bank accounts. Is anyone a signature on these? If not you will have no access after death. Find out where they store important papers. At this point your mom might know all of this but having it written down is invaluable as you deal with the grieve. They might tell you in general terms who is the executor of the will, whether they have a power of attorney, medical wishes etc. They might even tell you how to care for you handicap sibling. All of these things are much more important and pertinent than knowing what your cut will be. Depending on how they die, when they die, who is still alive at the time of death will impact what, if anything you might receive. Its a tough discussion to have but you should know the basics ahead of time so you can plan funerals, burials, cremation, begin legal processes etc.

It is entirely appropriate to discuss your parents' finances with them, to be sure you understand what you will contribute/assume responsibility for someday. With someone disabled to account for as well, this conversation is all the more important.
Broaching the subject from the perspective of what's in it for you? Appalling to me, but I'm guessing it won't be a surprise to your parents.

I would just ask if they have made arrangements for your sibling with special needs (e.g., special needs trust). Just say that you want to make sure he/she is taken care of.

It is the wise and responsible thing to do. Your family should consult an estate attorney.

You are not greedy and you want to plan - it makes perfect sense to know how much money your parents have, and to help them manage it. ESPECIALLY if you have to organize care for a sibling!

Is this an American, rabidly individualistic and independent thing? Posters on this board always respond MYOB when it comes to multi-generational money matters. I do not think that is responsible. But I'm French, and family money is just that - it belongs to the family and should be discussed.

It is important to plan ahead to get everyone to compromise now and avoid as much tax as possible. Saves a HUGE amount of heartbreak later, trust me - I've been there on all counts.

You don't have to ask. I can tell you that your inheritance expectation should be that you get nothing.

Why would you tell your parents you are relying on their money for college fund/retirement? Can you imagine how guilty they would feel if they ended up burning through money for medical bills? Or even vacations? If they want to spend 50,000 to go on a vacation, they should not have to think about the fact that you have already planned how you are going to use THEIR money.

Agreed, plan as if you get nothing.

I think it's ok to ask if they have all their papers in order, stressing that you're not expecting anything, that you don't even want to know what is in the will, etc. Also for long-term care and the such, too. You don't want to be stuck with a surprise $2,000 a month contribution.

If there are questions post-mortem (as in no money to a church, any relatives, etc.), to what extent is it possible to investigate whether they were just living above their means or if there was any fraud involved? If Wife #2 ends up spending my dad's money with his consent or even semi-consent that's life. If his stockbroker was putting money in risky investments that lost money against his wishes, that's something I'd be concerned about.

Plan your financial life as if you get nothing. Then if you do, it will be a bonus.

This is what we do too.

If my children were to come to me and ask how much they should expect to get after I die, I would rip up our estate planning documents and have a lawyer draft a new will leaving everything to charity.

Plan your financial life as if you get nothing. Then if you do, it will be a bonus.

I would never have asked, but I'm the oldest child and very sensible about money, so my father made me the executor of his will when I was in my 20's. Since then, I've known approximately what to expect when my father passes, and how things will get divided, and on what timetable. (if he's survived by my stepmom, if my minor child half-bro is no longer a minor, etc.) We're open about money in my family. I don't necessarily assume I'll get anything, but my dad expects I'll get a couple hundred thou.

I think it might be a good idea to ask your parents about their plans for retirement, long-term care, etc. In doing so, you might indirectly find out what there is to pass on.

I they wanted you to know they would tell you. This should have NO impact on your retirement planning as you never know what your parents are going to spend during their lifetime, or they could change their plans. You should hope they live long enough to spend every cent on wonderful things. Save for yourselves and if it turns out that you get a nice inheritance, you can use it for "extras".

We're dealing with two deaths in the past year - one on each side of our families. Here are the important questions:
- Do you have a will and estate planning? Do you have funeral arranagements made?
- Have you named an executor (i.e. if it's you, then hopefully you'd know in advance)?
- Does someone know where all your files are, who your lawyer is, etc... to deal with these issues in the event you die or become incapacitated.
- Does someone know what plans are in place to care for disabled relative in the event you die or become incapacitated.

I would think it is absolutely inappropriate and crass to ask what money might be coming your way. Presume $0, anything you do get is then "found money". Broad brush of our current two circumstances -
- Family member that we thought didn't have much money ended up in nursing care for a year before dying. Even after paying out of pocket for that for a year, turns out that between life insurance, remaining assets, sale of house and property, each of her 3 children is likely to inheirit close to six figures. WAY more than we ever would have imagined she had.
- Other family member quite wealthy. Remarried a few years before his death to a much-younger woman who very quickly limited family access as his health declined. A year before he died, convinced him to re-write his will leaving everything to her with her son as executor. Children who might otherwise have each expected to receive 6-figure inheiritances instead received boxes of family photos and a few knick knacks.

Point being, even if your parents weren't completely appalled at your boorish behavior, you can count on nothing. Ask the important business pieces of it, if you think you might be one of the folks involved in handling executor and probate-related duties. Otherwise, love them while they're here as you'll miss them when they're gone no matter what is involved financially on the back end.

I think its rude to ask how much you may be getting (and with healthcare costs, you can't really depend on it). However, with a complicated family situation, I would have an honest talk with your parents about the allocation of assets and how it is supposed to work before something happens to them. We had a similar family situation and an unexpected death of my grandmother and no one knew what to do since the will had not been updated since she married her 2nd husband (after my grandfather died). Everything was unclear and there was a lot of fighting. It tooks YEARS to sort things out and my mom and her sister ended up losing a few family heirlooms in the process because everyone stopped speaking to one another and they didn't want to have to talk to the 2nd husband in order to go get them.

Still, many years later, my mom would tell you that she wishes she had sat down and talked to her mother to understand what she really would have wanted but no one wanted to broach the subject. I know exactly what my parents want when they die and my husband and I have our will very clearly spelled out. I'm not saying that you need to know exact amounts and allocations but you should at the very least make sure that they have an updated will in place so you don't have to do a guessing game and possibly ruin your relationship with your siblings and step-siblings.