we also have 2 boys, nearly 5 years apart, and they get along better than I would have expected. the big brother plays quite well with the little brother, they have a lot of fun together, only occasionally does it get negative. I hear the big brother parroting me, using a "mommy" voice and asking the little one questions, or encouraging him to come to dinner by making it a race, etc. The older sib can be helpful.

And the child care cost savings are definitely helpful, not to have 2 little ones in child care at one time.

I have a stepson (who we have half the time) five years older than my son. It's been great! The sibling rivalry seems to be much less. There was no "regression" from the older one when the baby arrived. The older one can actually be helpful and responsible, depending on the personality. For example, when the little one was in the stage of sitting up and playing (but not crawling), I could leave the older one there and go take a shower with instructions to come and get me if the little one needed me. Stuff like that.

It's a great age difference, I promise!

This post is making me wish that spacing ours further apart was more of an option... due to my age it's dicey, but I would love to do 4/5 years if we could.

Anonymous wrote:Due to some medical issues my second will have to be 4.5 to 5 years younger than #1. We only plan to have 2 kids total. I am feeling really down about this, so please cheer me up--especially those of you with kids with this age difference.

You will be amazed at how much the older child will want to help and love the baby. Also, I think a 5 yr old will be fascinated at a baby because he/she can really understant that, they, too, were once that small You won't have two in college at the same time - down the road a bit but it's a plus. My sister is 12 years my senior and my brother was 10 years older. Having a big sister and a big brother was absolutely wonderful. My brother passed away fairly young and I still miss him. There shouldn't be any problem. Good luck.

You won't have two sets of college tuition to deal with at the same time!

i would've done 4 if i weren't worried about maternal age. Easier when they're younger. still close when they're older

I LOVE this spacing. Taking care of a newborn with a 5 year old was stress free for me. My 5 yr old can do a lot for herself as well as help with the younger one. She's in school while the little one gets undivided attention. Very happy in our house!

Just echoing what others have said already. Mine are just under four years apart because of complications I had between the two pregnancies. I had wanted them closer in age, but now I love the spacing and am very happy with the way it all turned out. #2 is 3 months old and I think the age spread has made the transition from one to two so much easier. #1 adores her little sister and although she has acted out a little toward DH and me she has never shown jealousy directly toward the baby. #1 is much more independent at this age and can do lots for herself like getting her clothes on and peeing on the potty by herself. She's also a great helper when it comes to fetching diapers and the like. It has also been great that older DD is in a PreK program four days a week that allows me lots of one on one time with the baby.

Thanks, OP, for posting this issue. My two will be 4 years apart and after having hoped for much closing spacing -- primarily for the benefit of my first (and well, now that I'm finally pregnant I guess I can also say her sibling-to-be)-- it's encouraging to hear these stories. As a person who gets overwhelmed enough I had thought getting the difficult baby-years at once would be smart, but I am seeing there's a flip side to it all. Thanks all.

OP, you nailed it with your own statement that you have to rethink the life you planned, and accept it for what it is/will be - I know from personal experience it is so much easier to say that than to actually feel it, but it is true. For reasons articulated by so many above, your family will still be wonderful - it will just be different than what you planned/expected/dreamed of. To help put in perspective a bit, there are many of us that never even got to have the second child due to unexpected reasons. And I remind myself there are those who never got to have children at all (or to go back further, to find a partner in life, etc.). I do think you are entitled to mourn the loss of what you wanted - esp since it sounds like you are going through a hard time medically now - just please try to remember that you can/do still have a lovely life and family. Thinking of you.

My brother is 5 years younger than me. I think it was good for my mom because she got to fully experience both children as babies and at each stage of childhood. She always said that when I was a horrible teenager and hated her, she could always turn to my brother who still thought she was the best thing in the world. And by the time he was a terrible teen, I was in college and we were closer again and she could see that there was light at the end of the teen years. My brother and I were actually really close most of the time growing up. I still played with him a lot and enjoyed each others company. But we're also very different people and I think it was good for him to not be in school too closely after me. We're still really close now.

We will have 15 year spacing with my stepson and out little one. My DH was a WAY younger parent, but that's another post!

We have really found our way as parents, and are excited to embark on this adventure with the benefit of a lot of perspective.

We plan to have more kids and will space close togther (if we can). As they say, life is what happens when you are making other plans.

My older sister is 4.5 years ahead of me and we've always been close. (Less so during her teen years, but I think that's to be expected.) It will work out.

Mine are 5 years apart and I love it (second is only 2 months). I don't know how I would handle it if my first were not out of the house at school half of the day. She is also old enough to help take care of herself and the biggest plus is that there is no jealousy! Of course there are cons as well, but I think the pros a stronger. Good luck.

Anonymous wrote:Mine are 4 years apart and it is AMAZING. We've never, ever had even one second of jealousy, big sister adores her little brother (and vice versa) and she was big enough when he was born that she was self sufficient and even somewhat helpful. I could say "Can you please run and get daddy?" or "Will you please bring me that diaper over there?" and she could actually understand and obey! They are 6 and 2 now and the love affair continues...

Ditto. I was down at first but it has been a true blessing in disguise. They get along great - absolutely no sibling rivalry, no competition, and imho, so much easier on the parents. I would not change it.