Anonymous wrote:If the son and wife are just starting out and have reasonable gift requests I think a gift would have been nice.
If they have lived together for years and have everything they need I think what your friends did was fine.

+1

Weddings have gotten out of hand and wedding gift expectations have as well.

If the son and wife are just starting out and have reasonable gift requests I think a gift would have been nice.
If they have lived together for years and have everything they need I think what your friends did was fine.

It’s uncouth to discuss it and it’s not what I would think or do about a wedding gift, but if this is your friend and someone you like then you’re way too hung up on it. This is like, chuckle and move on category. Not “how dare he” category.

It’s just not a big deal. Getting into the details of their travel and how you think they could have afforded to travel and buy a gift is the kind of thing you should discuss with a therapist so they can help you figure out why you’re thinking about that stuff at all.

Anonymous wrote:While in theory this makes good sense (after all this couple’s presence should matter more than their present 🎁!)

But I think that it is tacky to be a guest in a wedding & not give a wedding present.

They did not have to bring an expensive present > but to show up empty-handed is really uncouth.

All of this ^^ You don't show up empty handed, period.

I think if you attend a wedding you should give a gift. Period. We travel to weddings frequently right now (in that stage), and absolutely give a check. FWIW, our DC was married this year and received gifts from all but a very (very) few people, and the vast majority of guests travelled to the wedding.

I got married locally a few years ago. Over 80% of our guests lived in the DMV or within a couple of hours, so not what I’d consider a ‘destination’ wedding. We had several people, including a close family member who came completely empty handed. Not even a card. I honestly found it really rude: our registry was very reasonable and had multiple items that were under $30; a friend who is a student/on a tight budget got us a $10 item I was thrilled with. It wasn’t about the gifts, but it just seemed thoughtless to not even bring a card.

Ironically, the people who traveled the farthest (including a couple from overseas) all gave nice gifts.

While in theory this makes good sense (after all this couple’s presence should matter more than their present 🎁!)

But I think that it is tacky to be a guest in a wedding & not give a wedding present.

They did not have to bring an expensive present > but to show up empty-handed is really uncouth.

It’s only in recent years that the etiquette mavens have been saying gifts are not required for a wedding, probably because of how common it now is to have to travel to attend a wedding. It used to be required to give a wedding gift, even if it was modest.

Maybe he told your son because he didn’t want your son to spend time trying to figure out if a gift got lost, stolen or is yet to come.

When I was in early 20s I did not travel to a college friend’s wedding because, given cost of airfare and hotel, I did not think I could afford a proper gift on top of the travel expenses. Now years wiser, I know being there/showing up would have been better than any Crate and Barrel registry gift. Live. Learn. OP: do not give this another thought

I think a gift is a reasonable expectation but it doesn’t have to cost a lot. A picture frame from Michael’s, a bowl or something from Pottery Barn, etc cane less than $100.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I may have initially misread. Was OP appalled that the couple openly said this unprompted? Then yes, that is bad manners.

--WASP

I was appalled at both - why tell us this and I guess I assumed people always gave gifts.

A gift is never required or expected. I can’t imagine thinking otherwise.

And I have some very funny stories about older relatives giving items from their parents’ estates as wedding gifts. We think it’s cute and chuckle about their porcelain bowls and silver trays from the 1940s- and we’re just happy they came to our wedding because we love them.

So, it is all about the gift then ...

Anonymous wrote:I may have initially misread. Was OP appalled that the couple openly said this unprompted? Then yes, that is bad manners.

--WASP

I was appalled at both - why tell us this and I guess I assumed people always gave gifts.

I may have initially misread. Was OP appalled that the couple openly said this unprompted? Then yes, that is bad manners.

--WASP

I’ll move past this but people get to be who they are and we get to decide if we want to spend time with them.
I’m not sure why he thought we needed to know about it anyway.