Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We’re a dressy family. If a girlfriend wore jeans to Thanksgiving I would tell my DS to make sure she knew the dress code for the next event. My DS might cluelessly handle it the same way. So I don’t necessarily think this is giant red flag territory. Maybe it is, but there’s a chance she needs to decide if she’s ok being in a dressy family (because it’s going to be that way for every picnic and holiday forever), dressing that way, and it’s never an issue again.

Or just... take people as they come? I can't imagine setting a dress code for a family event in my home.

No, we’re going to continue with collared shirts and belts for holidays. No jeans, no tshirts. Church clothes for church. It’s important to me. Doesn’t have to be to you. I 100% realize how snotty this sounds, but it’s the norm for our friends, too. Someone can chose or not chose to marry into a family like this. I think my DC will be end up marrying into this someday, based on their current friend’s families.

Someone can also CHOOSE to marry into a family that's less snotty about clothing but knows how to spell.

I think whether he was a jerk depends on what you were wearing. If you showed up to Thanksgiving at someone else’s home in sweats, pj pants, holes in jeans, a lot of cleavage, booty shorts etc then yeah, that’s inappropriate. Pull out the nice jeans, khakis, cute dress or whatever when you go to someone’s home, especially for a holiday meal. This isn’t Friday night Netflix on the couch.

Without knowing what you were wearing compared with what others were wearing it’s hard to say if he was the jerk. Actually he was he jerk for not telling you before Thanksgiving g if his family usually dresses up or whatever.

Anonymous wrote:We’re a dressy family. If a girlfriend wore jeans to Thanksgiving I would tell my DS to make sure she knew the dress code for the next event. My DS might cluelessly handle it the same way. So I don’t necessarily think this is giant red flag territory. Maybe it is, but there’s a chance she needs to decide if she’s ok being in a dressy family (because it’s going to be that way for every picnic and holiday forever), dressing that way, and it’s never an issue again.

Oh boy…so until you die you will lord over all with a dress code? Just no, absolutely no! White trash striver or gross southerner alert!

We enjoy dressing up but under no circumstances would DH or I or any of my adult children ever make anyone uncomfortable under or over dressing to our house. How insanely rude and ill mannered!

Dump him. He is a loser on so many levels.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We’re a dressy family. If a girlfriend wore jeans to Thanksgiving I would tell my DS to make sure she knew the dress code for the next event. My DS might cluelessly handle it the same way. So I don’t necessarily think this is giant red flag territory. Maybe it is, but there’s a chance she needs to decide if she’s ok being in a dressy family (because it’s going to be that way for every picnic and holiday forever), dressing that way, and it’s never an issue again.

Or just... take people as they come? I can't imagine setting a dress code for a family event in my home.

No, we’re going to continue with collared shirts and belts for holidays. No jeans, no tshirts. Church clothes for church. It’s important to me. Doesn’t have to be to you. I 100% realize how snotty this sounds, but it’s the norm for our friends, too. Someone can chose or not chose to marry into a family like this. I think my DC will be end up marrying into this someday, based on their current friend’s families.

Not only snooty but downright insufferable. I would never spend my time with people like you. Please tell people what your dress code is before they accept the invitation to anything you host, so they can decline.

dont look for validation from a anon messaging board filled with bored SAHM and old cat ladies
talk to your boyfriend

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We’re a dressy family. If a girlfriend wore jeans to Thanksgiving I would tell my DS to make sure she knew the dress code for the next event. My DS might cluelessly handle it the same way. So I don’t necessarily think this is giant red flag territory. Maybe it is, but there’s a chance she needs to decide if she’s ok being in a dressy family (because it’s going to be that way for every picnic and holiday forever), dressing that way, and it’s never an issue again.

Or just... take people as they come? I can't imagine setting a dress code for a family event in my home.

No, we’re going to continue with collared shirts and belts for holidays. No jeans, no tshirts. Church clothes for church. It’s important to me. Doesn’t have to be to you. I 100% realize how snotty this sounds, but it’s the norm for our friends, too. Someone can chose or not chose to marry into a family like this. I think my DC will be end up marrying into this someday, based on their current friend’s families.

Oh, honey. You're going to be the person posting about your "evil" DIL being the reason you never see the kids.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We’re a dressy family. If a girlfriend wore jeans to Thanksgiving I would tell my DS to make sure she knew the dress code for the next event. My DS might cluelessly handle it the same way. So I don’t necessarily think this is giant red flag territory. Maybe it is, but there’s a chance she needs to decide if she’s ok being in a dressy family (because it’s going to be that way for every picnic and holiday forever), dressing that way, and it’s never an issue again.

Or just... take people as they come? I can't imagine setting a dress code for a family event in my home.

Suggesting it is one thing, but then actually trying to enforce it—good god.

We are another family that dresses up for most things, including family, holidays, church, etc. We also dress pretty conservatively for these events.
OP, you can decide how you want to deal with this given other facts about your relationship. Did you not notice anything different on how you were dressed at Thanksgiving?

Anonymous wrote:We’re a dressy family. If a girlfriend wore jeans to Thanksgiving I would tell my DS to make sure she knew the dress code for the next event. My DS might cluelessly handle it the same way. So I don’t necessarily think this is giant red flag territory. Maybe it is, but there’s a chance she needs to decide if she’s ok being in a dressy family (because it’s going to be that way for every picnic and holiday forever), dressing that way, and it’s never an issue again.

I’m a dressy person. It would never cross my mind to tell someone they aren’t well-dressed enough for my preferences. It is red flag territory, but I guess those who hold the flags don’t often realize it.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We’re a dressy family. If a girlfriend wore jeans to Thanksgiving I would tell my DS to make sure she knew the dress code for the next event. My DS might cluelessly handle it the same way. So I don’t necessarily think this is giant red flag territory. Maybe it is, but there’s a chance she needs to decide if she’s ok being in a dressy family (because it’s going to be that way for every picnic and holiday forever), dressing that way, and it’s never an issue again.

Or just... take people as they come? I can't imagine setting a dress code for a family event in my home.

If you are calling something a picnic, it is not fancy. If you want to be fancy, host a garden party.

Also, OP's boyfriend should have told her that there was a dress code for Thanksgiving.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We’re a dressy family. If a girlfriend wore jeans to Thanksgiving I would tell my DS to make sure she knew the dress code for the next event. My DS might cluelessly handle it the same way. So I don’t necessarily think this is giant red flag territory. Maybe it is, but there’s a chance she needs to decide if she’s ok being in a dressy family (because it’s going to be that way for every picnic and holiday forever), dressing that way, and it’s never an issue again.

Or just... take people as they come? I can't imagine setting a dress code for a family event in my home.

No, we’re going to continue with collared shirts and belts for holidays. No jeans, no tshirts. Church clothes for church. It’s important to me. Doesn’t have to be to you. I 100% realize how snotty this sounds, but it’s the norm for our friends, too. Someone can chose or not chose to marry into a family like this. I think my DC will be end up marrying into this someday, based on their current friend’s families.

Anonymous wrote:We’re a dressy family. If a girlfriend wore jeans to Thanksgiving I would tell my DS to make sure she knew the dress code for the next event. My DS might cluelessly handle it the same way. So I don’t necessarily think this is giant red flag territory. Maybe it is, but there’s a chance she needs to decide if she’s ok being in a dressy family (because it’s going to be that way for every picnic and holiday forever), dressing that way, and it’s never an issue again.

Or just... take people as they come? I can't imagine setting a dress code for a family event in my home.

We’re a dressy family. If a girlfriend wore jeans to Thanksgiving I would tell my DS to make sure she knew the dress code for the next event. My DS might cluelessly handle it the same way. So I don’t necessarily think this is giant red flag territory. Maybe it is, but there’s a chance she needs to decide if she’s ok being in a dressy family (because it’s going to be that way for every picnic and holiday forever), dressing that way, and it’s never an issue again.

He should have handled this better. As in, said something before you left for Thanksgiving if he knew the outfit wouldn't be ok. Also I hate the "look pretty for the picnic" comment. That said, my SILs family (who we are close to) is more on the formal side of things. If you attend their kid's birthday party, no one is in anything less formal than dressy jeans. Thankfully we were warned the first time we went over there as everyone was extremely dressed up for a backyard BBQ