Anonymous wrote:Shadow means shadow. Observe. Especially at first. This did not benefit her.

Agreed. Also, if this was a competitive internship, the interview process should’ve weeded out those who do not know how to comport themselves as a new temporary employee.

Anonymous wrote:I really disagree and I’m GenX. Presumably it was a competitive application process and you selected interns who were smart and had demonstrated analytical skills and initiative. What do you get from paying them to be wallflowers?

I’m also going to guess that the intern is female. Why do we expect women to be quiet?

Maybe it’s Big Law, but I find this very off putting. I would not want my daughters getting this kind of work experience.

Give me a break. I’m a GenX feminist and mom to daughters, but I also acknowledge workplace norms that have nothing to do with gender. Whether the intern is male or female, they are absolutely lowest on the food chain and have misread the room as far as what they are supposed to do when SHADOWING. The intern benefits from being there and observing. They aren’t entitled to waste everyone’s time and suck up oxygen. Just stop.

She sounds damned pushy and a bit clueless. A professional meeting isn’t class, and the goal isn’t to make sure SHE knows what’s going on.

Explain that the protocol is for her to attend, listen, hold her questions, and then afterwards the two of you can discuss the questions she has. Explain that it’s a matter of respecting the time and bandwidth of the others in the meeting. As PP said, later on she may have more active roles to take in some meetings.

Anonymous wrote:“I work at a law firm and we specifically recruit a lot of people first in their families to go to college, let alone law school. So while I, a person raised by people with graduate degrees, would know this, someone raised by people with little education and a non-white collar job might not.”

Babe - I was first generation to not only go to college but also get a graduate (law) degree and my parents had blue collar jobs. But they both had HS degrees + junior college/trade school certifications and were both extremely smart and competent (which is why they produced a child who scored 98% on the LSAT and became a partner in BigLaw). Sure, they didn’t understand my work world, but they weren’t ignorant either.

Thank you for saying this. I grew up blue collar and went on to work in big law. It wasn’t the first generation or interns from working class backgrounds that were clueless about reading a room. More often than not it was the young people from wealthier backgrounds who had never worked service or entry level jobs who did this. They tended to think they were so smart and lacked the humility to realize there was a lot they didn’t know. Those of us from working class backgrounds or lower middle class backgrounds had had to learn to read the room to “move up” and learn to fit in.

This generation was raised differently than we were. We were taught to sit quietly in school and only speak when called upon. Today's young adults have been taught since they were in kindergarten to be active participants in every discussion, everyone needs to be a "leader", they get praised for asking lots of questions and offering opinions. Young women in particular are explicitly taught that they need to speak up so they don't get overshadowed by those noisy men.

They don't see this behavior as rude, because it's how they were raised and what they were rewarded for. It's how a student stands out in a class now.

You need to teach her that your workplace has different expectations. Frame it as: our meetings are really short and condensed, so we don't have time for much discussion with everyone in the room. Please listen carefully, take notes, and ask me your questions after the meeting.

Or you can embrace the approach of the current generation, because I guarantee more of them are coming.

Shadow means shadow. Observe. Especially at first. This did not benefit her.

“I work at a law firm and we specifically recruit a lot of people first in their families to go to college, let alone law school. So while I, a person raised by people with graduate degrees, would know this, someone raised by people with little education and a non-white collar job might not.”

Babe - I was first generation to not only go to college but also get a graduate (law) degree and my parents had blue collar jobs. But they both had HS degrees + junior college/trade school certifications and were both extremely smart and competent (which is why they produced a child who scored 98% on the LSAT and became a partner in BigLaw). Sure, they didn’t understand my work world, but they weren’t ignorant either.

Tell us about the intern op

Anonymous wrote:I really disagree and I’m GenX. Presumably it was a competitive application process and you selected interns who were smart and had demonstrated analytical skills and initiative. What do you get from paying them to be wallflowers?

I’m also going to guess that the intern is female. Why do we expect women to be quiet?

Maybe it’s Big Law, but I find this very off putting. I would not want my daughters getting this kind of work experience.

Where do you work such that an intern can co-opt a meeting with clients and start asking basic questions? If this is an internal meeting, that’s different.

Shadows don’t talk

Anonymous wrote:I really disagree and I’m GenX. Presumably it was a competitive application process and you selected interns who were smart and had demonstrated analytical skills and initiative. What do you get from paying them to be wallflowers?

I’m also going to guess that the intern is female. Why do we expect women to be quiet?

Maybe it’s Big Law, but I find this very off putting. I would not want my daughters getting this kind of work experience.

Oof

Clear is kind. You have to tell her when she can and can’t ask questions

I really disagree and I’m GenX. Presumably it was a competitive application process and you selected interns who were smart and had demonstrated analytical skills and initiative. What do you get from paying them to be wallflowers?

I’m also going to guess that the intern is female. Why do we expect women to be quiet?

Maybe it’s Big Law, but I find this very off putting. I would not want my daughters getting this kind of work experience.

My first job in DC my boss told need that if I don’t speak up and contribute something in meetings then people will wonder why Im there. Maybe she’s been told something similar? Regardless you can address this by clarifying her role (observer) both to her and when you introduce her at the start of the meeting.

Gen Z is generally really weak on basic people skills and knowing how to read the room. Things that we took as intuitive are not remotely intuitive for this generation. That doesn't mean they're bad people. But they have somehow never been socialized into being a part of a team or anything that is larger than their own feelings and impulses.

It can seem weird to tell a bright intern how they should conduct themselves in a professional meeting. But often, Gen Z doesn't understand that their thoughts are usually a waste of time for busy people that have expertise and experience and have a million other things to do.

Basically, you have to accept the consequences of bad parenting and the main character energy that social media promotes. And then explain real world behavioral norms in a neutral way. Most young people would be grateful for any and all guidance.