Anonymous
Post 06/08/2026 16:28     Subject: What to dress kids in for a "formal" wedding? Does DH need a tux?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You kids should be in a suit and not with tennis shoes.


I disagree - formal is a step down from black tie or black tie optional. Nice clean sneakers (sambas, on’s, etc) are fine with a suit for kids. You’ll see adults in khakis with blue blazers - formal is the least clear dress code and it’s always all over the place.


Formal does not include khakis and blue blazer for men.


It depends because west coast formal is very different from east coast. Time of day matters too. Need more information.


I’m the PP and realized I was thinking of formal weddings I’ve been to in Naples FL which to PPs point probably lean more casual (plus everyone is stupid loaded so it’s not really a dress to impress situation when you’re getting there on your private jet). Similar to the PP who said the only one in casual shoes at a Chicago formal wedding was the billionaire BIL. So +1 to needing more info.


I would think a formal daytime wedding in a vineyard is different than an evening wedding in a ballroom somewhere. Not to mention region.
Anonymous
Post 06/08/2026 16:26     Subject: What to dress kids in for a "formal" wedding? Does DH need a tux?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You kids should be in a suit and not with tennis shoes.


I disagree - formal is a step down from black tie or black tie optional. Nice clean sneakers (sambas, on’s, etc) are fine with a suit for kids. You’ll see adults in khakis with blue blazers - formal is the least clear dress code and it’s always all over the place.


Formal does not include khakis and blue blazer for men.


It depends because west coast formal is very different from east coast. Time of day matters too. Need more information.


I’m the PP and realized I was thinking of formal weddings I’ve been to in Naples FL which to PPs point probably lean more casual (plus everyone is stupid loaded so it’s not really a dress to impress situation when you’re getting there on your private jet). Similar to the PP who said the only one in casual shoes at a Chicago formal wedding was the billionaire BIL. So +1 to needing more info.
Anonymous
Post 06/08/2026 16:21     Subject: What to dress kids in for a "formal" wedding? Does DH need a tux?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You kids should be in a suit and not with tennis shoes.


I disagree - formal is a step down from black tie or black tie optional. Nice clean sneakers (sambas, on’s, etc) are fine with a suit for kids. You’ll see adults in khakis with blue blazers - formal is the least clear dress code and it’s always all over the place.


I think semi-formal is the worst dress code! To me, formal means suits, but no need to rent a tux. Dress shoes would still be required.
Anonymous
Post 06/08/2026 15:30     Subject: What to dress kids in for a "formal" wedding? Does DH need a tux?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You kids should be in a suit and not with tennis shoes.


I disagree - formal is a step down from black tie or black tie optional. Nice clean sneakers (sambas, on’s, etc) are fine with a suit for kids. You’ll see adults in khakis with blue blazers - formal is the least clear dress code and it’s always all over the place.


Formal does not include khakis and blue blazer for men.


It depends because west coast formal is very different from east coast. Time of day matters too. Need more information.
Anonymous
Post 06/08/2026 15:28     Subject: Re:What to dress kids in for a "formal" wedding? Does DH need a tux?
Anonymous wrote:
https://www.erindavies.com/blog/decoding-the-dress-code


FORMAL/ BLACK TIE OPTIONAL: The wording here indicates something slightly less formal than black-tie is acceptable. So, a tuxedo isn't required, but the event is still formal enough for one to be appropriate. The choices are the same as with black-tie: a floor-length gown, a fancy cocktail dress, or a dressy pantsuit. As far as women are concerned, there's not much of a difference between black-tie attire and black-tie optional attire. Men have the option of wearing a tuxedo, or they can wear a formal dark suit, white shirt, and conservative tie.


A formal dress code, also known as 'black tie optional', allows for a little more flexibility compared to the strict rules of purely black tie. It's about looking elegant and dressed up for the wedding or event but you definitely have some room to inject your personal style into your outfit.


This is only helpful if you think the bride and groom have referred to this website (or any other standard etiquette guide) in choosing their dress code. Doubtful.
Anonymous
Post 06/08/2026 15:21     Subject: What to dress kids in for a "formal" wedding? Does DH need a tux?
Anonymous wrote:OP do NOT show up in tux’s unless you want to look ridiculous. That’s for a black tie optional or black tie wedding. No idea why people are conflating formal with black tie. Totally different and any etiquette guide breaks this down…


This! Nobody had a tux on at a formal Chicago wedding we went to. Most women wore floor length gowns and men wore dark suits. Our boys wore dark suits and dress shoes. The only man not in dress shoes was the billionaire BIL.
Anonymous
Post 06/08/2026 13:32     Subject: What to dress kids in for a "formal" wedding? Does DH need a tux?
Anonymous wrote:OP do NOT show up in tux’s unless you want to look ridiculous. That’s for a black tie optional or black tie wedding. No idea why people are conflating formal with black tie. Totally different and any etiquette guide breaks this down…


Formal and Black Tie optional are often the same.

The primary difference in formal vs. black-tie attire lies in the level of formality: formal attire is slightly more relaxed, with the option for a suit and tie for men and formal dress for women, whereas black-tie attire is the most elevated dress code and requires a tuxedo for men and floor length gown for women.
Anonymous
Post 06/08/2026 13:29     Subject: Re:What to dress kids in for a "formal" wedding? Does DH need a tux?

https://www.erindavies.com/blog/decoding-the-dress-code


FORMAL/ BLACK TIE OPTIONAL: The wording here indicates something slightly less formal than black-tie is acceptable. So, a tuxedo isn't required, but the event is still formal enough for one to be appropriate. The choices are the same as with black-tie: a floor-length gown, a fancy cocktail dress, or a dressy pantsuit. As far as women are concerned, there's not much of a difference between black-tie attire and black-tie optional attire. Men have the option of wearing a tuxedo, or they can wear a formal dark suit, white shirt, and conservative tie.


A formal dress code, also known as 'black tie optional', allows for a little more flexibility compared to the strict rules of purely black tie. It's about looking elegant and dressed up for the wedding or event but you definitely have some room to inject your personal style into your outfit.
Anonymous
Post 06/08/2026 13:26     Subject: What to dress kids in for a "formal" wedding? Does DH need a tux?
In my experience "formal" means don't show up wearing jeans. Most men avoid wearing khaki pants unless they are also wearing a jacket and tie (ie no khakis and polo).
Anonymous
Post 06/08/2026 13:22     Subject: What to dress kids in for a "formal" wedding? Does DH need a tux?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:It’s your sister’s wedding! Ask her!!


I did but didn't get a clear answer, just a repeat to wear something "formal." LOL!


I'd ask her what she thinks the kids should wear and do that.
Anonymous
Post 06/08/2026 13:19     Subject: What to dress kids in for a "formal" wedding? Does DH need a tux?
Anonymous wrote:
Anonymous wrote:You kids should be in a suit and not with tennis shoes.


I disagree - formal is a step down from black tie or black tie optional. Nice clean sneakers (sambas, on’s, etc) are fine with a suit for kids. You’ll see adults in khakis with blue blazers - formal is the least clear dress code and it’s always all over the place.


Formal does not include khakis and blue blazer for men.
Anonymous
Post 06/08/2026 13:18     Subject: What to dress kids in for a "formal" wedding? Does DH need a tux?
And I’d wear a nice chiffon dress myself. Sounds like you’ll be in a few pictures but not part of the inner circle.
Anonymous
Post 06/08/2026 13:17     Subject: What to dress kids in for a "formal" wedding? Does DH need a tux?
Sounds line they just need nice church clothes. Is the wedding outside? Evening?

I’d put the kids in flannel pants, with nice crisp white button downs, tucked in. Leather belts and shoes. Little kids don’t need jackets, they just look dumpy since the tailoring is always wonky.
Anonymous
Post 06/08/2026 13:13     Subject: What to dress kids in for a "formal" wedding? Does DH need a tux?
Anonymous wrote:It’s your sister’s wedding! Ask her!!


I did but didn't get a clear answer, just a repeat to wear something "formal." LOL!
Anonymous
Post 06/08/2026 13:13     Subject: What to dress kids in for a "formal" wedding? Does DH need a tux?
Anonymous wrote:OP do NOT show up in tux’s unless you want to look ridiculous. That’s for a black tie optional or black tie wedding. No idea why people are conflating formal with black tie. Totally different and any etiquette guide breaks this down…


+1 I would clarify with your sister but formal is not the same as black tie at all. You will probably stand out in a bad way if everyone shows up in tuxedos. Those are usually reserved for the groom and the groomsmen only. Suits and ties are good.