Anonymous wrote:For your aunt to say they'll have to photoshop you in, I'm guessing there is some sort of miscommunication going on. Clearly, they want you in the photos.

Is it possible someone said no way you could make it? Maybe even your mom? Weird that she hasn't said anything.

OP here- my mom has multiple siblings, this aunt is not the mother of the groom. But FWIW this all kind of started becasue another aunt wants to stay with my parents for the wedding weekend and my mom told her to check with me first because she wasn't sure if I was coming. I have not actually talked to my mom by phone in weeks because we are several time zones apart (even more so than normal because my parents have been visiting my dad's family in another country). I certainly wasn't going to bring this up over text, and I don't want to cause drama with her and her sibling, at this point it's just better for her to think I can't come.

Anonymous wrote:When our two daughters got married we only invited the cousins they were very close to growing up and had stayed in touch with. If the other cousins felt slighted we never heard. Frankly, they all lived a plane flight away and were likely happy they weren’t invited.

Did they send gifts?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you don't intend to go anyway (flights are astronomical) then why stir the pot? You want them to invite you so that you can decline? No, you don't send a gift to a wedding you were not invited to.

Read the post!

She probably would have gone if she was invited! The flights are astronomical now as it’s only 3 weeks out. She didn’t say anything as she assumed it’s a small wedding. Now other relatives are telling her how every other cousin and their children are invited. One aunt is making fun of her being excluded.

It’s a rude thing to do to exclude just one cousin.

I read the post. She's not invited. So what exactly is the point of her asking to be included now if she's not going anyway?

OP here- I have not asked to be included nor do I intend to. I was just feeling kind of crappy about it! Carry on.

Anonymous wrote:When our two daughters got married we only invited the cousins they were very close to growing up and had stayed in touch with. If the other cousins felt slighted we never heard. Frankly, they all lived a plane flight away and were likely happy they weren’t invited.

Sure, but just like with birthday party etiquette, you don't invite everyone except a single person. That is meant to be a slight.

As someone who has lived overseas as an expat (including now) I have found that people will just assume you can't come to events. Out of sight, out of mind. My sister is getting married in the fall (we are definitely invited and going to the wedding though!). She's older and not having a formal bridal shower/bachelorette or attendants, but her best friend offered to plan a short girls weekend sometime this summer. I said great, let me know and I'll join if I can. Saw instagram pictures that it took place this past weekend. Messaged her friend half apologizing/half perplexed for missing it, and she was just like oh your sister said you wouldn't be able to come so not to invite you. To her I think the thought of flying in for a weekend would be really bizarre. Which I guess it is but it still stung a bit. Oh well.

Anyway in your case I wouldn’t lie about it if asked, but also probably wouldn’t stir the pot.

Anonymous wrote:When our two daughters got married we only invited the cousins they were very close to growing up and had stayed in touch with. If the other cousins felt slighted we never heard. Frankly, they all lived a plane flight away and were likely happy they weren’t invited.

Yeah, but did you invite every single cousin except one?

For your aunt to say they'll have to photoshop you in, I'm guessing there is some sort of miscommunication going on. Clearly, they want you in the photos.

Is it possible someone said no way you could make it? Maybe even your mom? Weird that she hasn't said anything.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you don't intend to go anyway (flights are astronomical) then why stir the pot? You want them to invite you so that you can decline? No, you don't send a gift to a wedding you were not invited to.

The problem is mom is going to notice OP isn't there. Better to have the conversation now rather than when mom arrives at the wedding.

Surely OP and her mom will have a conversation before the wedding so it won't be a surprise that OP isn't there.

When our two daughters got married we only invited the cousins they were very close to growing up and had stayed in touch with. If the other cousins felt slighted we never heard. Frankly, they all lived a plane flight away and were likely happy they weren’t invited.

Anonymous wrote:If you don't intend to go anyway (flights are astronomical) then why stir the pot? You want them to invite you so that you can decline? No, you don't send a gift to a wedding you were not invited to.

The problem is mom is going to notice OP isn't there. Better to have the conversation now rather than when mom arrives at the wedding.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'd send a gift to be passive aggressive. They should have included you.

Yes, along with a card that says, "I'm sorry we couldn't be there to celebrate with you!"

I'm the person upthread who didn't invite any of DH's cousins to our wedding because his mom gave me their family list and addresses. That's basically exactly the note I got! Then her parents changed their RSVP to "no" a few days before our wedding, and we had to pay for their dinners (DH and I paid for the wedding).

Let's just say their message was received loud and clear 😆

Anonymous wrote:I'd send a gift to be passive aggressive. They should have included you.

Yes, along with a card that says, "I'm sorry we couldn't be there to celebrate with you!"

My male cousin forgot to tell his fiancé about a couple cousins when she was putting the list together. And then he couldn’t be bothered to provide other important details so I received an invitation to my address addressed to a cousin and my last name (cousins last name is different). Some didn’t get an invite but later received phone call invites feigning that invite must have been lost in the mail.
The bride didn’t care so much because it wasn’t her side of the family and she didn’t want to deal with it.
Men are notoriously stupid when it comes to planning important events.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you don't intend to go anyway (flights are astronomical) then why stir the pot? You want them to invite you so that you can decline? No, you don't send a gift to a wedding you were not invited to.

Read the post!

She probably would have gone if she was invited! The flights are astronomical now as it’s only 3 weeks out. She didn’t say anything as she assumed it’s a small wedding. Now other relatives are telling her how every other cousin and their children are invited. One aunt is making fun of her being excluded.

It’s a rude thing to do to exclude just one cousin.

I read the post. She's not invited. So what exactly is the point of her asking to be included now if she's not going anyway?

Anonymous wrote:If you don't intend to go anyway (flights are astronomical) then why stir the pot? You want them to invite you so that you can decline? No, you don't send a gift to a wedding you were not invited to.

Read the post!

She probably would have gone if she was invited! The flights are astronomical now as it’s only 3 weeks out. She didn’t say anything as she assumed it’s a small wedding. Now other relatives are telling her how every other cousin and their children are invited. One aunt is making fun of her being excluded.

It’s a rude thing to do to exclude just one cousin.