Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe look for a college with dorms close by so he can come home if he gets anxiety. His coming home will probably slow down as he gets used to living in a dorm.

Was thinking about that too, not sure if it makes sense. He doesn’t seem anxious, just doesn’t have that strong desire for a college life (yet?)

Maybe it’s normal for a sophomore.

You expect a sophomore to be excited about college? Two+ years is a long way away at that age. Let him visit some colleges, then see. But I wouldn't keep him home unless you can't afford to send him away.

Thank you. I took him to 2 colleges so far and nothing seemingly changed. I’m going to wait a year and take him to a couple more.
I can afford to send him away but only within the state (needs based aid) and it won’t be a great school, mostly due to his grades but also his intended major.
The schools will be commuter schools to a large degree even if he is in a dorm.

Way too early to make any determination.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe look for a college with dorms close by so he can come home if he gets anxiety. His coming home will probably slow down as he gets used to living in a dorm.

Was thinking about that too, not sure if it makes sense. He doesn’t seem anxious, just doesn’t have that strong desire for a college life (yet?)

Maybe it’s normal for a sophomore.

You expect a sophomore to be excited about college? Two+ years is a long way away at that age. Let him visit some colleges, then see. But I wouldn't keep him home unless you can't afford to send him away.

Thank you. I took him to 2 colleges so far and nothing seemingly changed. I’m going to wait a year and take him to a couple more.
I can afford to send him away but only within the state (needs based aid) and it won’t be a great school, mostly due to his grades but also his intended major.
The schools will be commuter schools to a large degree even if he is in a dorm.

Anonymous wrote:I don't understand why he want to go away to college if he is on the 50%ile non-college-prep track at school.

He "knows what major" but is that a serious interest or just the class in HS he dislikes the least?
Most average-academic high school sophomores don't even know the names of the majors that they'll end up in, unless it's a family career area

Community college sounds like a good fit. If you're rich enough and willing to pay for a non selective private college with the same education and a country club attached, that's your opinion.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe look for a college with dorms close by so he can come home if he gets anxiety. His coming home will probably slow down as he gets used to living in a dorm.

Was thinking about that too, not sure if it makes sense. He doesn’t seem anxious, just doesn’t have that strong desire for a college life (yet?)

Maybe it’s normal for a sophomore.

You expect a sophomore to be excited about college? Two+ years is a long way away at that age. Let him visit some colleges, then see. But I wouldn't keep him home unless you can't afford to send him away.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First, there is still some time for him to mature and course correct. Don't write him off yet. A's and B's is not awful. You are likely just spending too much time hanging around DCUM where everyone's children are perfect and their poop doesn't stink. It is not like he has straight C's or is getting in trouble or something like that. Back in our day (the 90s) there were tons of kids just like your child who went to decent colleges and did fine. I had friends like that in HS who went to Maryland from out of state.

You know your kid. If you think he will go away to college and just screw around and fail out, then don't waste your time or money. It is an important life experience but not if he pisses it away.

Lots of kids find community college to be a great bridge for kids to grow up, figure out what they want to do, and they finish with a degree to show for it. Obviously you were not counting on him being home after high school but it is what it is.

Does he have friends? Is he social at all?

Hopefully his school counselors can give you more guidance on this? I'm sure he is not the first kid like this.

I guess my main question is whether it’s ok for me to stop pushing him and let him be a mediocre student and college applicant

You should push him to pick areas to work hard in and better himself as a growing person, not be your do-over of your own childhood

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does he want?

He knows what major but doesn’t care where to go and ‘he’ll think of it next year’

Which is totally normal for a 10th grader. Chill and let him be a teen.

So if he only gets into a CC or like a second or third tier, mostly commuter school (we are in CA so let’s say CSU Northridge), it’s not a reflection on me as a parent? I myself was at a mediocre school for undergrad and then at a great one for masters and I do have some regret not trying for a better school.

Were your parents neglectful losers? What about the other kids you grew up with who started at CCs or went to schools with 80+ percent acceptance rates (many of whom probably, like you, went on to be successful)?

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:First, there is still some time for him to mature and course correct. Don't write him off yet. A's and B's is not awful. You are likely just spending too much time hanging around DCUM where everyone's children are perfect and their poop doesn't stink. It is not like he has straight C's or is getting in trouble or something like that. Back in our day (the 90s) there were tons of kids just like your child who went to decent colleges and did fine. I had friends like that in HS who went to Maryland from out of state.

You know your kid. If you think he will go away to college and just screw around and fail out, then don't waste your time or money. It is an important life experience but not if he pisses it away.

Lots of kids find community college to be a great bridge for kids to grow up, figure out what they want to do, and they finish with a degree to show for it. Obviously you were not counting on him being home after high school but it is what it is.

Does he have friends? Is he social at all?

Hopefully his school counselors can give you more guidance on this? I'm sure he is not the first kid like this.

I guess my main question is whether it’s ok for me to stop pushing him and let him be a mediocre student and college applicant

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Maybe look for a college with dorms close by so he can come home if he gets anxiety. His coming home will probably slow down as he gets used to living in a dorm.

Was thinking about that too, not sure if it makes sense. He doesn’t seem anxious, just doesn’t have that strong desire for a college life (yet?)

Maybe it’s normal for a sophomore.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Does he want to go to college? If he does, there is a school that will be a good fit for him. But if he doesn't, that's ok. Look through the offerings of your local community college and see if anything seems interesting to him.

My kid had mostly Bs, with some Cs and a few As. She's starting college in the fall at her dream school (with merit) to study her passion.

Honestly college was just an expectation and he never objected. He is ok to start at a CC and the way I see it, he might settle on a AA degree.
I am just asking if it’s ok if he doesn’t have a ‘true’ college experience like living in a dorm or if he goes to a commuter school (even if he dorms there). Or should I explain to him what he’d be missing? If anything?

If you can afford it without pain then yes, going away to a 4-year college is a wonderful, enriching, and maturing experience for most kids. He will be missing out if he forgoes that opportunity. It is not the only valid path, but it's a great one. Only if he's willing to commit to the academics though. If not, it's not worth the financial investment. He's still so young, I'd want him to give it a try at least.

Anonymous wrote:Maybe look for a college with dorms close by so he can come home if he gets anxiety. His coming home will probably slow down as he gets used to living in a dorm.

Anonymous wrote:At this point, the only thing that is probably off the table is admission for undergrad to a highly selective college. That isn't the end of the world. Kids grow up a lot between sophomore year and when it is time to consider college plans. For now, I'd focus on supporting your son to have a productive summer break and starting strong in Junior year. College thoughts and discussions should probably come after you get a sense of how Junior year is going.

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:What does he want?

He knows what major but doesn’t care where to go and ‘he’ll think of it next year’

Which is totally normal for a 10th grader. Chill and let him be a teen.

So if he only gets into a CC or like a second or third tier, mostly commuter school (we are in CA so let’s say CSU Northridge), it’s not a reflection on me as a parent? I myself was at a mediocre school for undergrad and then at a great one for masters and I do have some regret not trying for a better school.

With those grades he will not only get into a community college. You need therapy for yourself.