I think you’ve missed the window for spanking. We did it three times for safety reasons (running into busy traffic, climbing over a second story balcony) at preschool age - short,sharp, immediate response to a dangerous event. One firm spank over clothing, no objects.

The disrespect one is harder. You WANT to do it all the time because they’re so infuriating. What we found worked better was to find something that was their currency (tv-time, device, dessert, whatever) and restrict that after warnings of the consequence. Stand your ground on the “no”. The first time it happens there will likely be drama and rage, but let that play out and go through it, and quite often the behavior was curtailed in the long run. A few times as my kid got older was to get right up in their face and lose my $hit and I would get this stunned “whaaa, who me” reaction and they would either storm off to decompress or immediately comply. They tended to behave better after that. My ace in the hole exceptionally rarely was to break down crying with “I can’t do this any more.” That really freaked them out and they would immediatedly turn sweet and nice. I’ve done that maybe four times, because it won’t work if it happens all the time.

However, unlike the others, I kind of believe that we tie ourselves into knots trying not to spank and we have a generation of obnoxious kids to show for it. The long drawn out explanations, mismatched consequences, etc may not be as effective as an immediate reaction to an egregious event. And if your kid ever looks at you and says “eff you” or other very hateful thing, you have my permission to spank them. Just be aware that that is more likely to happen when they are physically too big for it.

Anonymous wrote:Spanking….i know it’s controversial, and I’m not looking to start a debate. I know, because I have searched and see quite a few admit to spanking there kids when needed. So I’m not asking if you agree with it or not, I’m asking if those that do, would provide a little basic info of what works for you. My just finished 1st grade boy is driving us mad. He is disrespectful, mouthy, and doesn’t listen, we have tried all kind of punishments and we are ready to try spanking. Neither my husband or I was spanked growing up and you can’t just google this topic or you get all kinda gross and very obviously fake, or I hope they are fake answers. So what has worked for you in regards to a spanking. We plan to have another heart to heart with him this weekend and explain that this will now be a consequence when he has bad behavior.

What other punishments have you tried? And does he have structure at home that establishes the necessary conditions for good behavior? Does he have access to mobile devices? Uncontrolled computer access? If he has a tablet you should definitely remove that first—and not just temporarily.

Anonymous wrote:If you spank your child, they will tell a friend or an adult or a teacher and you will get reported for child abuse. Not exaggerating at all.

Teachers know that there is no point in reporting a parent unless there are visible marks, cuts, or bruises. CPS won't investigate unless there are.

It works. Its not a big deal. Try.

Anonymous wrote:If you spank your child, they will tell a friend or an adult or a teacher and you will get reported for child abuse. Not exaggerating at all.

Typically, all reports of suspected child abuse must be investigated, but an ordinary spanking will not result in a sustained finding of abuse.

OP, I occasionally spanked my kids. Its just a consequence like any other - its no magic bullet. Honestly, six is late to START using spanking as discipline. I see spanking as more effective for kids who are younger and who you can't effectively reason with. By six, kids should be aging out of spanking.

“How much physical abuse is your minor child going to receive until you perceive that he may have ADHD or other neurodivergence?”

An ordinary spanking is not abuse.

Anonymous wrote:The chances of unwittingly giving your child a lifelong sexual fetish—and despising you when he realizes his peers aren’t humiliated at home—are high. Hoping this is a troll.

Lifelong sexual fetish?
The chances of you being the troll are high.

Likewise I would like to have a discussion abt whether to let my toddler eat led paint chips that doesn’t got off the rails.

We don't spank though I think some people's reactions to this question are a bit over the top. My issue with spanking is...what exactly is it teaching? That when you don't like a behavior, hitting to correct it is ok? That you want your child to be scared of you and your reaction so they tame their behaviors? Neither of those is great.

I would take the time to figure out why other discipline isn't working.

Have you looked into parenting support classes or therapy? My child was 7 or 8 and in counseling for adhd/anxiety supports, and at the same time we had a weekly session with her to discuss how things were going and get supports. We could talk through exact scenarios that happened at home and brainstorm ideas and potential strategies, and then she could work with our child on alternate behaviors in explosive situations. It was really helpful and she had a lot of great ideas for helping to parent neurodivergent kids.

Please don't hit your child.

If you spank your child, they will tell a friend or an adult or a teacher and you will get reported for child abuse. Not exaggerating at all.

SIX?!?

The only time I have ever thought a spanking parent was maybe working from a position of rationality (even if I think better options exist) is when I’ve heard people say they spanked their two/three year old before they could run into a street or grab a pot of boiling water or some other genuinely dangerous thing that they truly could not understand.

A six year old?!?

Before you do this, I want you to imagine the conversation he is going to have with his teacher the first time it happens. Because that conversation will take place. He will be completely confused that an adult who has never hit him has hit him. Imagine your son scared and humiliated and talking it through with a stranger because the people who is supposed to be able to trust, has betrayed him.

You’re an idiot and barbaric

Anonymous wrote:Hey, a one time spanking and then the neurotypical kid learns that doing X, Y, Z is not actually a good idea? I don't think that's automatically child abuse.

But I don't think you're talking about that. If he has difficulty listening and following directions, he needs an evaluation, coaching and possible meds. Because you can't beat the ADHD out of him.

Also spanking makes ADHD and behavioral outbursts worse, through research. It is ineffective.