[quote=Anonymous]Oh my….ha! Op here. Love the RTO comment. These are already the ‘rules’ in our house and everyone is happy. He already has a job (& a side hustle). We have multiple kids and everyone has some sort of job (babysitting, mowing lawns, lifeguarding). All contribute a portion to their IRA (setting financial goals). And all are contributing to their college fund - even if it is small $. Yes, we workout everyday usually together at the local sports center when they have organized sports (including a sport which took so much of his time) - this will just be his first summer without organized sports or academic work. Didn’t know we were so unique!

Maybe I should have said expectations vs lay down the rules. I was simply wondering what other parents were doing. I heard the comment about making sure the younger kids contribute as well. Thanks for the reminder. I also heard the rest of you loud and clear - Very, very few to no rules or expectations for an 18 year old that lives at home for free. They are adults! Okay. [/quote]

If he's already doing these things -- working, exercising as a family, saving money -- why do you have to pick a fight about it? Just expect that he will continue as he's doing. It seems you want a power struggle for no good reason.

Anonymous wrote:I think they are trying to avoid the other thread - why don’t boys have any life skills. Interesting to see the difference in comments from each one of the threads. Here they are teaching life skills = horrible parents. The other thread asking why no one has life skills = horrible parents.

Because threads have the extremes and the real answer is somewhere in the reasonable middle.

Anonymous wrote:Looking for advice from those who have been there / done that. My 18 year old just graduated last week and we are getting ready to lay down some rules of the house and expectations for the summer. So far we have: get a job five days a week, exercise daily, set one goal for the summer (money goal, physical goal, ???), curfew 10 pm weeknights (we have a dog that wakes up the house) and midnight on the weekend, and make dinner for the family one day a week. Do you have them contribute any other way? Along with daily house chores (dishes, feed the animals, etc) are we being ridiculous even thinking this will stick? How many rules/chores do you give kids on their way to college or coming home from first year?

You need to dial it down. This is a ridiculous list for that age, imo.
10 pm curfew? LMFAO.

It's fair to have them contribute to the household chores. It's fair to ask them to get a job (but you should dial back your expectations, unless they are able to lifeguard, babysit, that sort of thing. A lot of places don't want to work around the schedule of a kid this age).

These are new adults. There is responsibility and there are just arbitrary sets of rules. Yours is the latter. Unless you never want to see them as an adult . . . ?

Anonymous wrote:I think they are trying to avoid the other thread - why don’t boys have any life skills. Interesting to see the difference in comments from each one of the threads. Here they are teaching life skills = horrible parents. The other thread asking why no one has life skills = horrible parents.

You teach life skills by letting them do things and fail/succeed as the chips fall, not by giving them a task list.

The only requirement my teens had was to have a job. They already knew they needed to wash their own dishes, laundry, and take out trash as needed. I didn't have to micromanage them with a check list, since they grew up doing those things. They exercised and woke up on their own. I didn't need to regulate times to sleep/wake up or anything to that extent. You do that when they are much younger.

My son was hanging out with friends, day trips, going shopping, playing video games, doing some sports, movies, plays etc.

We traveled together for vacations. And everyone pampered him at home because he was going to college - 30 minutes away.

The time that your kids are with you at home is fleeting. You want them to see their childhood home as a safe harbor. A place of unconditional love and support. The discipline and good habits that you want to impart to them should have happened from the time they were born and it should have come wrapped in the comfort of parental love, acceptance, respect, communication and care.

Don't be a toxic parent - just because you have the power to mess them up.

Your kid will dislike you forever - which is not the worst thing in the world, BUT, they will also learn to behave the same way with their own kids - and that is the worst sin you will bring to your future generations.

Mine is working for 5 weeks at a camp. We did let them know when they entered high school that spending money for college was on them. They have saved 5K and will have closer to 7K by the time college starts.

However, this job was secured in the winter. You can't just magically get a job in June anymore.

I think what people are trying to say is that there is a difference between setting expectations of what it means to be a member of a household and overly parenting.

When my kid graduated I did not become their personal servant. If they are eating dinner with us they can help make the vegetable, and they should continue to do basic cleaning chores just like they did in high school.

However, you are intermingling making decisions for an adult (eg mandating how many days a week they need to work out) with requiring them to be a polite member of the household that does their fair share.

My DS is going to be a counselor at a sleepaway camp, so that will take care of seven weeks. Otherwise he can do as he pleases, and he really doesn't have a curfew.

I think they are trying to avoid the other thread - why don’t boys have any life skills. Interesting to see the difference in comments from each one of the threads. Here they are teaching life skills = horrible parents. The other thread asking why no one has life skills = horrible parents.

Just fast forward a few years from now. "Johnny, why don't you visit us on your school breaks?"

I am the PP with a dad like this. I never came home from school unless the dorm emptied. What do you and your husband do with your "multiple kids?" They each cook, clean, animal care, and have a job, in addition to daily exercise. Do you have kids, or employees? So glad you say after the fact that it is normal for you all and everyone loves it. Of course you and your DH do, yall have "multiple" employees.

Way to rob your senior of his last summer before college.

Anonymous wrote:Even Simone Biles herself only worked out six days a week when training for the Olympics. Yet you want your son to exercise every day?

Can't have him go to college with a dad bod.

Omg

This seems very controlling. My 18 year old didn’t even have this many rules at 16. He just graduated and is a great kid. We don’t dictate his work schedule though he works whenever he can get hours by choice. We don’t dictate his exercise frequency though he is training for his college sport this summer anyway. He doesn’t have set chores but has always done his own laundry and helps me out with errands when I ask. I don’t ask him to cook for us but he prepares meals for himself quite often.

I had no rules for his older siblings either. I just ask for all of my kids to be respectful.

We let our kids enjoy the 2 months doing whatever they wanted to before going to college. Lots of hanging out with friends and road trips.

Even Simone Biles herself only worked out six days a week when training for the Olympics. Yet you want your son to exercise every day?